My friend is blanking me

[August Girl]

and I'm really upset. I wasn't sure where to post this but thought other mums might understand.

I first knew her last year when I was pg with Del and Z and her daughter were at nursery together. We used to spend a lot of time together even going out on day trips etc but understandably this tailed off a bit when I had Del and she went back to work.

The road Z's school is on is one way and gets very blocked so we park about 5 mins walk away on the same car park.

Yesterday DH had seen her at the school while he was taking Z and said she was really upset because her OH had made her give her dog away. So in the afternoon I went to her outside the school to have a chat and she barely acknowledged me. I then had to move as I was in the way with my pushchair but she didn't wait for me after to walk back to the place where we park as I usually do for her.

Then this morning I arrived at the car park the same time as she did and she didn't wait for me so I presumed she was in a hurry but when I got there she dropped her daughter off then turned back with another mum to chat to her while walking back to the school again!

I don't know if I've done something wrong or it's because she has found another friend who has a daughter too, but surely that doesn't mean she has to totally ignore me? Z was practically running trying to catch her up today and I felt awful. I have no idea what to do next, I still have to see her every day and Z is still friends with her daughter afaik. I just feel so crap, it isn't the first time this has happened and I put it down to being paranoid but it's happened too many times now :-(

[Moffgal]

Some people are just odd, AG,

MAybe she feels a bit odd picking things back up again after time away from your friendship, or maybe its 'Ive got a new friend now'.

My NCT group appears to have disbanded, although 3 of us still stay in touch. The three of us talked about it and decided that everyone had got out of the group what they wanted, and what with people going back to work, etc, it had run its course.

What happened when you went up to her the other day? What did you say? How did she respond?

Please don't think its anything to do with you, I know you're low at the mo. You're a luvly person, we'd all talk to you at the school gates, wouldn't we damsels??

Moffgal

[Princess Fiona]

I've no idea why she is doing this AG :-( some people can get funny if you don't speak to them for a while, maybe its because after you had Del you didn't see her for a while and she's taken offence, it doesn't take much with some people.

I haven't spoken to my previous BEST friend for over 5 years now, and i don't know why. Last time we spoke she was off with me and said she'd call back and she never did. I've never even bumped into her since. I didn't contact her because i didn't see why i should, she was funny with me and i hadn't done anything wrong as far as i'm concerned.

I'm sure its nothing major that you've done. Must be so difficult though when you have to see her every day. I'd be inclined to say for you to just go up to her and strike a conversation but from what i know of you i assume you'd find this quite difficult, i know i would in the same situation.

Hopefully someone else will come on and give you some useful information.

In the meantime you have plenty of friends on here, and we have :choc: too :ellie: :grouphug:

[Abbie]

I've found this a few times as well.

I've found that a lot of these people are just lifestyle friends - their lifestyle fits with yours so you're friends, but really and truely, deep down you're not friends at all and as soon as your lives change slightly you have nothing in common and drift apart.

I'm pretty sure it will be happening with us over the next few months, we have some very close friends and we pretty much live in each others pockets, but their daughter will be going to a different primary school to Ellie so the girls will probably drift apart and we will too.

[Pancake01]

Some people are wierd - try not to take it personally - although I know it's easier said than done.

Next time you see her, just ask how she is - she can't possibly blank you then.

We all love you! :ellie:

[Calamity]

I've found this a few times as well.

I've found that a lot of these people are just lifestyle friends - their lifestyle fits with yours so you're friends, but really and truely, deep down you're not friends at all and as soon as your lives change slightly you have nothing in common and drift apart.

I agree, I'm in the same situation at the moment, well have been for the last couple of years actually. I made a friend at a previous job and after we were made redundant we kept in touch. Thing is though she's a bit older than me and tbh we have nothing in common. She lives a good 15 miles away from me so not exactly around the corner. She's the one that always phone's me for a catch up but I've been known to avoid the phone when I see it's her :-( I know it's terrible but the shortest conversation I can have with her is about 45 minutes as she just gabs and gabs a load of twaddle!! She phoned me last week and left a message on my vm but I haven't called her back. I do feel very guilty but I feel our friendship has run it's course. We've still been buying each other birthday and christmas presents which is stupid because by the time we meet up the event could has passed by as much as 4 months:doh:

Sorry AG, sort of went on a bit of a hijack there. Maybe things have just run it's course with you and this other lady. It's not a case that I don't like my friend it's just that I feel that part of my life is over and done with now. Maybe this other lady feels the same way?? I wouldn't take it personally though honey. And as the other girls have said, we all luff ya :cheer2:

J.x

[August Girl]

I've no idea why she is doing this AG :-( some people can get funny if you don't speak to them for a while, maybe its because after you had Del you didn't see her for a while and she's taken offence, it doesn't take much with some people.



That's the thing though I see her every schoolday while picking Z up and I always wait for her. We used to email all the while too and she hasn't replied. She also has some family stuff going on so I don't know if that might be it.

Just last week I waited for her to walk back to our cars and as the pavement is too narrow to walk side by side I was totally left out of the conversation with her and her new friend. I was trying to join in but in the end I though 'why am I bothering?'

It all sounds so childish written down like that but I honestly don't have that many people to talk to so it is a big deal for me.

[bluecow]

AG, it doesn't sound childish at all. You say she is having family problems at the moment, could this be the reason? About 18 months ago I was having some personal problems and there were lots of people I avoided at the time, particularly at the school gates, so I didn't have to discuss it or feel awkward talking ot people for fear of bursting into tears. I did cut a few people off even close friends and I am now finding it hard to reinstate the friendship with them.

I agree with lifestyle friends and friendships running their course but that is no reason to avoid chatting to someone at the school gates surely:huh:

[Crazyfool]

Ag ,

I am sure it will be nothing you have done hun. Maybe she is one of those women who can only have one friend at once. I've seen that a lot :nod:
Dont worry yourself because she has the prob not you . I ont understand how people can be so bloomin rude ,theres just no need.

:flowers:

[August Girl]

Well it's almost school kicking out time so I'll see what happens this aft

Thanks all xx

[*Fallen Angel*]

It's horrible to be ignored especially if you haven't done anything.

Maybe you should ask her how she is etc, make a point of putting yourself in the conversation,see how she reacts?

[Crazyfool]

AG , just remember you dont need people like that. Its her loss you are lovely :flowers:

[Dancing Queen]

Oh AG, sorry to hear this hon. I can totally understand how you'd feel like that, things like this really get to me, and I dwell on it for ages.

How about dropping her an email explaining what you've told us, surely she'll have to reply to that. I know that no matter what it is, I'd rather know - not knowing kills me.

How did you get on after school?

[*Fallen Angel*]

How did it go AG? I hope you're ok

[Hello Kitty]

I think people are strange too. My rule of thumb is that if people don't want to spend time with me then they are not really my friend anymore IYSWIM. You are only friends with people who want to spend time with you. It could well be that she has other issues too. I always get incredibly paranoid that it is me that has done something. You are lovely though (never discount the fact that she could be jealous off you)
Us Damsels love you anyway :flowers:

[popinjay1]

Similar stuff has happened to me AG. When I had Claire I went to an NCT coffee morning each week and got to know a few other Mums in the area. We met every week at each others houses until I went back to work.

I see most of them again now doing the toddler group circuit now I am on maternity leave and TBH I always approach them to have a chat and it always feels so strained.

I was getting very paranoid about it all but realise they were people I knew at the time and really we had nothing in common.

I don't think for a minute the reason she is blanking you is anything you have done. Some people are just odd.

[August Girl]

She had already got to the car park and gone today but when i was at the school she wasn't there so she must have gone somewhere else first. I just went to my usual corner and she didn't come over to me.

I took Z to feed the ducks after school to cheer myself up and we had a whole batch of swans all to ourselves to feed. I'm just going to try not to worry about it. DH thinks I'm being silly but it is very hard not knowing where i stand. It's a bloody good job you all love me because I haven't got anyone else :wik:

[*Fallen Angel*]

It's a bloody good job you all love me because I haven't got anyone else :wik:

Oh AG, I know you say that partly in jest...but hun my heart goes out to you.

Remember we all love you and I can't wait to meet you one day.

xxx

[Pancake01]

Well I met her this weekend and I can confirm she is bloody lovely :ellie:

[August Girl]

Well I met her this weekend and I can confirm she is bloody lovely :ellie:

If not a bit :loco:with the directional skills of a man having a wee :lol:

[Pancake01]

We're all a bit :loco: (well I am anyway) and who says map reading was a worlds greatest skill anyway?

[Abbie]

and who says map reading was a worlds greatest skill anyway?

Exactly. I can't read maps for toffee. I've usually got it upside down and when it is the right way up I mistake the B1964820 for the B1968403.

The "scenic route" is far more interesting anyway :wik:

[Princess Fiona]

Sorry that your friend is being a complete COW AG! Do you want me to come and :angrybot: :spank: :medusa: :fight: :toetap: :eek: for you, not that i'm that scarey!! :teehee:

[Superkat]

Aw AG I hope your ok. She sounds like a complete tw@t any way, imagine blanking someone as nice as you!


(((((hugs)))))

[August Girl]

Well I got there first today and blanked her, so I'm just as bad :oops: Not that she spoke to me anyway. I'm just not in the mood for any mind games. Just want to stay at home and hide

[August Girl]

Just to say definitely not me being paranoid, she legged it as soon as she saw me pull up in the car today. Then on the way back she told her daughter off for coming over to me (she wanted to see Del)

Another friendship bites the dust:rolleyes: I suppose I don't really have to have any friends at school, I'm only there to pick Z up after all.

[*Fallen Angel*]

As sad as you may feel, it clearly sounds like she has the problem here.

Don't let her get to you. At least you can hold your head up when going to the school and not have to run and hide.

[donna-j]

What a moo cow. Maybe you should call her bluff and confront her? That said, I don't do confrontation so I'd be doing exactly the same as you.

[August Girl]

:sigh:

DH has just come home and told me that she has been odd because her mum died. :-( Why couldn't she tell me? I feel absolutely hideous. I wish she'd said something instead of ignoring me.

How the f**k do I put this right?

[Skibunny]

AG - how were you supposed to know? Not like she gave you the chance to tell you!!! I would just write a short note and put it in a sympathy card and express your sorrow and say that you're here if she needs you and you hope that you can get together again soon, or something like that. Then the ball's in her court anyway.

I don't think it's anything for you to put right really - you weren't to know!

Skibunny
xx

[Mad Madam Mim]

I agree with Ski-buny - don't feel too bad you couldn't have known.

I think a card to her as Skibunny suggests would be the best thing to do.

[Pancake01]

In a way, it's a good way to start again, because you have a reason for sending her a card and arrange a chat.

But of course you weren't to know - don't blame yourself.

[Cherrypie]

There's no need to feel guilty, AG. You couldn't have known.
She probably wasn't meaning to blank you as such. Bereavement can play havoc with your emotions and interactions with people. She maybe didn't feel up to telling people so soon after the event, and was stuggling to keep herself together IYSWIM.
I'd suggest a card saying you're thinking about her would mean a lot. Maybe you could take some flowers or a plant round to her. Or I remember a friend of my mum's taking a bottle of wine round when my dad died! She said that she expected my mum was sick of flowers, and that a nice glass of wine to toast my dad would be more useful!

[August Girl]

Thing is thought I'm not entirely sure when It happened. It was Z who told DH and DH approached her but he said she still didn't seem very happy to talk to him.

I will go and get a card tomorrow.

[Crazyfool]

Ag sorry to hear about this . You are not to blame here please remember that. I would advise following the great advise given by the other girls here about cards/ wine/ flowers etc. She is still obviously upset so dont see it as a slight to you. She maybe really doesn't want to talk about it ?? Maybe she doesn't want to fall apart infront of her kids.

All you can do chick is be there for her when she wants to resume the friendship again.

XXXX