Would you change your name?

[spritzer]

My mother suggested to me that I change my name by deedpoll so that Xander, Mr S and I all have the same name. Mr S looked quite interested when I suggested this to him and so now I'm seriously considering it but would love some more opinions.

Neither of us have a burning urge to get married although it could be on the cards at some stage in the future which would be odd 'do you Mr X take Ms X to be your wife':teehee:

Would changing my name to his basically let him off the hook regarding marriage for ever?

Wouldn't it be advantgeous for Xander to have the same name as me as he gets a bit older?

Your thoughts would be most welcome:smile: :flowers:

[RosyLee]

Can't be much help to you, as this is something that's been suggested to me on several occasions as well! I've decided against it for now because I really do want to get married, even if we just nip to the registry office on a weekday afternoon! My thinking is that if I change my name then it will let him off the hook with the whole marriage deal.

I suppose it would cause less confusion at parents' evenings if you all had the same surname, but I would imagine teachers have seen it all by now! ;-)

[Calamity]

Oooh I see where you're coming from Spritzer. I have a different surname to Lorna and I hate it. I know it shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference but I even feel odd phoning Lorna's nursery when I say "Hi this is Jane R*****, Lorna P******'s mum" it's like I'm her step-mother instead of her mother.

I'm not sure that I would go so far as to change my name and as you pointed out it would be rather bizarre if I did actually marry my OH. The wedding vows bit would be a scream!!

I don't like my own surname but my OH's surname is even worse and just as long. Hmmmmmmmm decisions, decisions. I think I'll put my foot down when we have another one though and tell my OH the new baby will have my surname just to even things up!

J.x

[spritzer]

Oooh I see where you're coming from Spritzer. I have a different surname to Lorna and I hate it. I know it shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference but I even feel odd phoning Lorna's nursery when I say "Hi this is Jane R*****, Lorna P******'s mum" it's like I'm her step-mother instead of her mother.
J.x

I have exactly this problem and I am sure it will get more of an issue as Xander get's older and becomes aware and confused as to why his parents have different names.

RosyLee - I sort of have the same thoughts about 'letting him off the hook' about marriage. But, given I blow hot and cold about the whole marriage thing anyway am I totally :loco: to even consider changing my name to someone else's if I am not sufficiently motivated to get married to him! Nothing about our relationship really, just a funny status quo.

We're on holiday next week and perhaps we'll give it some serious thought then.

[Minky]

I've been married twice :happyno: :loco: :loco: :oops: :oops: :oops: and didn't change my name at all the first time. If we had had children (fat chance if they'd have looked like their father :lol: :lol: :lol: :no: :no: :shock: :shock: :shock: ) then they would have taken his surname but I still wouldn't have changed.

I am now Minky Kiwi-Pommy :lol: :lol: :lol: and this is fine for me. The two names don't really go together well (as Kat and Azana will confirm) but frankly I don't give a fig :cheer2: :tongue: .

Lulah is Tallulah Pommy, and Mr Minky is Mr Pommy. So we are all kind of there together.

I must confess though that I do have rather radical views on name changing which I developed when I did my degree and did an advanced women's history paper. :oops: :lol: :wink: . I vowed and declared there and then that I would never take a man's name and leave mine behind! :shock: :shock:

So feel free to ignore me! It's also very common in NZ to keep your own name (perhaps more so than changing which is seen as old fashioned) so people like doctors and schools etc don't have a problem with it at all.

Minky

[silverpod]

I am married, but didn't change my name. I had a little think about it when pregnant with dd but till decided to keep my name. DD has my surname as a middle name but DH's as a surname. That suits us all fine.

I don't think doctors and schools would have a problem with it- I worked as a teacher before I had dd and it was never a problem there if children had different names from their parents or siblings- the relationships within familes can get quite complicated nowadays. But I wouldn't have too much of a problem with teachers calling me Mrs DH at parent's evening.

I personally think that there is more to being a parent than sharing a name (as I am sure we all do) so it doesn't bother me. DD may or may not change her surname should she chose to marry but having my name as a middle name means that she will carry that forever (again in theory, as she could change it by deedpoll! :lol: )

I believe that you should so it if you want to, and take ds into consideration, but it should be something you want to do, rather than doing it solely for him IYGWIM.

SP

[Jamtart]

I will soon have a different name to Kenidee. I am going back to my maiden name and she will keep her surname. New baby will have my maiden name as its surname as father wants nothing to do with it (I will give baby his surname tho if he wants it to have it and he wants to be involved)

[Crazyfool]

Never really thought about this much till now. Baby will have my OH's surname so I will have a different name to them two as we're not married. Idont mind having a different name to my baby . I would love to get married one day to OH so hopefully one day we'll all have the same name .:wik:

[Chocolate Lips]

We are not married and DD has OHs name, it does bother me sometimes but I wouldnt consider changing my name, not because its letting him off the hook, because I know we will get married but I just see it as a bit extreme!

[Princess Fiona]

When i was growing up i had the same surname as my Mum and my Brother and Sister had my Dad's surname.

It never caused any problems and i never asked any questions, but BOY did i feel a fecking ejit when i was 16 and Mum told me he wasn't MY Dad afterall, explained a lot :sigh:

TBH i wouldn't change my name so it was the same as my Dh's if we wern't married, but thats because i LOATHE our surname. I DID however want us all to have the SAME surname and DH refused to take mine so we went with his :rolleyes:

[Sparkly]

I have a major dilemma with this as I HATE Mr Sparks' surname so haven't changed since we got married. I do intend to at some stage, but it makes me feel quite ill to be honest, saying my name is Mrs X - people usually snigger and look at me with a mix of disbelief and pity. :oops:

BUT I do intend to do it sometime - for the reasons you said. Just trying to work myself up to it! :sigh:

[spritzer]

Thanks for all your comments. I think we'll need to have a good chat about it on hols next week. I really don't like my surname and Mr S has a great name (that goes well with my first name) so all the trivial reasons to do it stack up:oops: :lol:

Whenever I call nursery I always have to say 'It's Spritzer, Xander's mummy' and I know they get a bit thrown by the different name. Also, I seem to be called Mrs OH half the time anyway:lol: I don't really like it when people call me Mrs Spritzer as that is/was my mother's name and then my stepmother's name.

So, it all makes me :doh: :brainache: :no: really.

It sort of feels a bit sneaky, taking Mr S's name without getting married but it might make life less complicated.

I can't see myself making my mind up too quickly on this one:sigh:

[donna-j]

Re the wedding vows, I don't think they mention your surname do they? I think it's just, Will you, Donna J, take Other Half ... no surnames.

I'm not married either and can't decide about the surname if/when we do finally get hitched. It does bother me about having a different surname from Thomas, as if he doesn't 'belong' to me as much, IYSWIM.

[RedTiger]

I must be a bit of a weirdo as I would have given my child my surname if we'd had one before we got married. I kept my own name for a few months after getting married (DH's surname is hideous though i'm getting used to it now) but it got too complicated so ended up using his. A friend of mine lives on her own with her 2 kids and all 3 of them have different surnames because she gave them their fathers name (2 different fathers).

Maybe its because i'm the eternal pessimist? I could split up with OH and never see him again but my children will always be around me and I'd like them to share my surname??

I don't think i'd change my name by deed poll though - as others have said its very common these days for mothers to have a different surname from their child(ren).

[mousey 7]

hi, ive not got same name as oh or boo and i hate it but were getting married next year so not so much of a biggie. one of my oldest friends got told on her 18th birthday that her parents wer never married as her dad (who died when she was 7)wasnt allowed a divorce from his first wife so they deciede to buy wedding rings and chabge her name by deedpoll and noone was any wiser lol my friends reaction was "mmm im a b*****d then":laff:
and my dad has his mums surname and his dads surname is a middle name:rolleyes:

i think these days though people feel differently about names etc i just dislke having a different name to boo and oh, but as for marriage vows yes it would probably cause a few giggles but then most people who would attend would know anyway:smile:

hth xx

[bisy backson]

This is a v interesting thread, read as someone who has married and changed her name.

For me it was really important to change my name partly as i hated mine, but mainly because i wanted us all to have the same name to make it our little family.

I might have felt differently if i liked my name and disliked mr backson's, but i also liked it when people knew we were all together, by our surname.

Could a solution be to double barrell? I don't think there's anything wrong or sneakly about changing by deed poll, and so what if they're the same when you get married.

the reasons and feelings behind changing your name and getting married are obviously quite separate for you so you shouldn't let one influence the other (imo of course!)

bbxx

[Littlejojo]

to be honest it doesnt really bother me that Mia has a different surname to me (soon to change though) as long as she knows I am her mummy and i love her i dont think it really matters. this is quite normal now anyway.

[Micah]

I haven't, and don't intend to, change my name (been married over two years now). C has DH's name.

I find nobody has a problem with it at all, except for a few of DH's aunts and uncles who can't figure out how to address envelopes....but it's my title they seem to have a problem with rather than the surname.

I think it is slightly easier for me as I am "Dr X" and DH is "Mr Y" as people seem to accept that more than " Mr Y and Mrs X", iyswim.

I have several reasons for keeping my own name, the main ones being my professional title, the second being DH's ex kept his surname after the divorce, so "Mrs Y" is her, and in no way shape or form do I want mixing up! Oh and all the bills, house etc are in my name.

I would never assume a couple has the same name, and I find it slightly patronising that some people seem to think I have turned down some sort of "honour".

[lewpylew]

I am another who gave the children daddy's surname and sometimes I do not feel like their mummy with a different surname :sigh: but at the end of the day they are still my children, and a name is only a name!

Lewpy xx

P.S - Minky, I love your name. It sounds kind of glamourous!