What do you think of this?

[ms sweetcheeks]

Hi,
Just want peoples opinion on this..
I have placed a "advert" I suppose you could call it, on Netmums, and quite a few women have now got in touch, and I've been e-mailing them back and forth, and I'm starting to arrange to meet some of the next week.

One of them (the first person to reply) seems really nice and we've been writing really long e-mails to eachother etc.

But.. There are 2 things that sit funny with me:

A: From the off set she kept saying she couldn't wait to cuddle T as she loves newborns (her boy is 10months), and since then she's said so many times that she can't wait to hold him, as she misses the newborn stage!
I don't know why that sounds weird to me- maybe cos I'm not so forward and wouldn't say something like that.

B: She is a childminder and have suggested several times that I should come to her house- whereas I keep suggesting meeting up somewhere, and today she wrote that weekdays are difficult for her as she C/M but we could meet an evening, but without the kids (obv).
If we should meet during the day could I just come round to her house, as she will obv. have the kid & her son there to look after.

She also said in her 4th e-mail or something that when we get to know eachother better we could always leave our kids with her husband so we could go out pubbing/clubbing, he would happily babysit!

Now my instinct says something is a bit weird here?!?!

But don't get me wrong she sounds dead nice and chatty so I would like to meet her at least once, but I am writing to her now, and I was wondering how to word the fact that I'd rather meet somewhere outside (cafe/shopping center/park) the first time, without sounding rude?

I think it's a little weird to reply to my ad really, when she now says that weekdays are difficult for her, when I clearly stated that was when I was free?! She obviously mainly wants to stay in and have me visit her..

Hadn't even mentioned this to O/H but told him about the replies today, and he said "How do you know that these people aren't kidnappers or psycos" :eek:

yeah how DO I know that..

Now I feel all weird!

What would you do/say to her??

[dora the ex...]

not sure what i'd say but it does sound wierd..ur o/h is right she could be a nut,... im sure someone on here will give you some fab advice good luck hun x

[ms sweetcheeks]

Hmm well just read all her e-mails and she really does sound nice (otherwise I wouldn't have exchanged e-mails with her for weeks) but after seeing T's pic she said "Seeing the photos of him have really made me miss that tiny little baby stage. Im desperate to meet you and T now that Ive seen the photo-I wana hold him. He is so little. Precious."..

Is it just something you say when your baby is older and you miss the stage when they were little and defenceless?
I know some other women feel like that too?!


Hmmmmm, dunno :(

[dora the ex...]

Hmm well just read all her e-mails and she really does sound nice (otherwise I wouldn't have exchanged e-mails with her for weeks) but after seeing T's pic she said "Seeing the photos of him have really made me miss that tiny little baby stage. Im desperate to meet you and T now that Ive seen the photo-I wana hold him. He is so little. Precious."..

Is it just something you say when your baby is older and you miss the stage when they were little and defenceless?
I know some other women feel like that too?!


Hmmmmm, dunno :(

i understand your point.. when you have older children you miss the newborn stage especially when you talk to someone and they have a newborn baby...was you friends before you had T?? if you was then maybe she feels like you are just two friends and you wouldnt mind a friend hold ur baby...if you get me..it makes more sense in my head i think,,
like have a friend who i met when preggers she was preggers too i had my baby first then she had hers weve seen piccies of each others and ive said "aww could cuddle x so much" you get me ? maybe she means no harm... its a tough one though i know what you mean...im cr@p at advice though :sigh:

[Abbie]

Is it just something you say when your baby is older and you miss the stage when they were little and defenceless?

I probably wouldn't say it, but I have to admit to feeling like that sometimes.

I see a tiny little baby and I just want to scoop them up and give them a cuddle.

I don't know if that makes me a nut (probably) but I do miss that tiny little newborn stage

[dora the ex...]

I probably wouldn't say it, but I have to admit to feeling like that sometimes.

I see a tiny little baby and I just want to scoop them up and give them a cuddle.

I don't know if that makes me a nut (probably) but I do miss that tiny little newborn stage

see thats it! i just rambled

[ms sweetcheeks]

No, I didn't know her before I had T.
She wrote to me around the 6th of April (not very long ago actually)..

You see if it was anyone from here I wouldn't mind- weird huh!
Maybe cos I've "known" some you you a lot longer, and it doesn't seem strange.

Maybe I'm just thinking too deeply about it.

Still not sure I'd want to go to her house though- yeah eventually, but maybe not the first meting.

Simply because I have no idea who she is!

She could tie me up and steal my baby :lol:

[ms sweetcheeks]

Ohh Abbie I don't mean that people who miss the newborn stage are nutters- I even think now that I'l miss T being like thsi, when he is say 6 months and older!

I just mean I don't know her from adam and I thought it sounded a bit strange that she wants to cuddle my baby when she doesn't even know me or him!

Actually maybe it's ME who's weird :lol:

[Princess Fiona]

I can see why you are a little concerned. She does seem very forward but some people are just like that and i'm sure she is harmless however.

I would make it clear to her that you would like your 1st meeting to be in a public place for safety reasons. I'm sure as she has a child of her own she WILL understand and won't think that you are being funny in any way.

I've made a couple of friends through netmums but haven't managed to stay in touch with them properly because they both had older children in school and they had other comitments and another one went back to work full time :(


I always made sure i met them somewhere in the middle of my house and theres and somewhere that i knew there would be other people about.

[Abbie]

I just mean I don't know her from adam and I thought it sounded a bit strange that she wants to cuddle my baby when she doesn't even know me or him!

No, I know. But I think the same about random strangers' babies too.

See, I told you I was a nut!

(Sorry, I can't find the smilies on here anymore, my tongue is firmly in my cheek!)

ETA - The TIC bit refers to the nut bit - my head is mush today, none of this makes sense so just ignore me

[ms sweetcheeks]

You don't think it sounds a bit rude to as to meet somwhere public for safety reasons- thereby implying that I don't think she is safe- whereas she obviously feels I'M safe (by inviting me to her house)..
??

[dora the ex...]

right,my hubby has just read what you wrote he thinks go with your gut instinct do what feels right for you now and maybe get to know her better first before you go meet her..he said without putting you off he once knew someone who said very similar things and in the end it turned out she wasnt a nut but had recently lost a baby ..dont want to put you off..in the end i know you will do what you think is right for you good luck hun x

[Hungry Hippo]

I don't think it's rude to say you'd like to meet somewhere public. I had to do something similar with a netmum contact that wanted to give me a lift when I hadn't met her before. She took it very well and totally understood my concerns.

I have to say I've had some uncomfortable feelings about some of the netmums I've corresponded with. Very often people seemed to want to meet before we'd even exchanged one email, which I just felt weird about. I have met someone who is very nice and has helped me meet a lot of nice Mum's but I've let the others fizzle out :o. With one, I definitely got the impression she had a hidden agenda regarding a home business she was running.

I agree that it's a bit odd she replied when weekdays are actually inconvenient. I also don't get the preoccupation some people have with meeting to go out clubbing/drinking without baby (I've encountered this a lot). If I want a night out I go out with the girlfriends I already have. But that might just be me that thinks that's odd.

I would arrange to meet up at a cafe or soft play area. Maybe arrange something with a few of the netmums meeting at the same time? If it's public you can always excuse yourself politely if you don't get on so well in the flesh. If she really pushes meeting at her house and doesn't understand your concerns I'd knock it on the head.
HH xx

(no doubt the above makes me sound like an over cautious misery guts :laff:)

[Chocolate Lips]

I can completely understand your concerns (and my OH always thinks I am loopy for meeting up with HB girlies, I swear he thinks you are all kidnappers and rapists) so like Mrs D, I would just be firm and say that you would prefer to meet somewhere more public.

[*Fallen Angel*]

I think you're right to be wary, gut instincts are just that.

Can you not suggest meeting in say the local mall or something saying something along the lines of "I need to go to X shops anyway, so maybe we could meet for coffee there?".

I've been emailing a few mums from netmums and hopefully meeting up with one soon, but never at anyone's house yet.

You can't be too careful, and better to be safe.

When are you due to meet?

[Chocolate Lips]

I have to say I have arranged to meet a Damsel at The Baby Show and she does come across as a bit of a loon so I am glad that it is a public place and I can scream for help.

[*Fallen Angel*]

I have to say I have arranged to meet a Damsel at The Baby Show and she does come across as a bit of a loon so I am glad that it is a public place and I can scream for help.

Outside lady....:p

[goldilocks]

I'd be honest with her and voice your concerns about meeting in her house. Maybe you could ask to tag along to any toddler groups etc she attends. As a childminder she's bound to take the kids somewhere like that ( I'm one too and we are out at groups 2-3 times a week at least).

As for the wanting to cuddle T, its the sort of thing lots of people would say, and especially someone who works with little ones. A bit forward maybe but I wouldnt be overly concerned at that.

Well done for putting the ad up! I've thought about it once or twice but am not sure I have the bottle to do it.I'd be worried no one would want to be my buddy and I'd have no replies!!!

[dora the ex...]

Well done for putting the ad up! I've thought about it once or twice but am not sure I have the bottle to do it.I'd be worried no one would want to be my buddy and I'd have no replies!!!


aww ill be your buddy x:wink: :wink:

[goldilocks]

awww thanks! I dont feel lonely now :lol: I feel its only fair to warn you though- I'm a smelly friend tonight :oops: Emma has icked baby milk all over me and I havent had time to bath yet :shock: Too busy catching up on here!

[Pancake01]

I think A_A's suggestion is a good one - saying you'll meet her for coffee and a spot of shopping. I think it sounds a tad wierd, but not sinister, IYSWIM.

[Sparkly]

I definitely think you should follow your gut instinct. Even if you've nothing to worry about, why take the risk? I wouldn't go to a stranger's house alone ever, never mind with a newborn. If she's not 'odd' then she'll completely understand your thinking. In fact you'll probably be able to tell quite a lot about her character from her response.

If she CMs then there's no reason why she can't bring the children with her - assuming she doesn't keep them in the house all day every day!!

Personally I wouldn't give too much away about myself too soon til you feel more comfy with her. Or I'd bring a friend.

[Cat]

I'm a great believer in trusting your instincts - its got to be better to be over cautious than the other way round. I think any Mum would understand your caution.
And TBH if she was childminding my LO, I wouldn't want her to be inviting strangers (ie you!) into the house anyway

[She Devil]

i definately think you should follow your instincts

[Elle Driver]

Hey cheeks x
Yup i would too meet her in a public place. I think you're right to go with your instincts. she could be the lovliest mum chum you've ever met (bar me OF COURSE :wink::laff: ) BUT you also might meet and think crikey i've got a right one here and want to make yr excuses after one latte and make as swift exit!!
Am intrigued to see what she's like now heh heh
Vxx

[racqy-rooster]

I agree with everyone else, arrange to meet somewhere which is quite public.

I have met some people via Netmums and we just met at the local park.

I convinced myself once that a girl I was going to meet was actually a bloke. Don't know why I got it into my head. I still went cos I thought I would just run if some weirdo bloke turned up. But it turned out to be fine. Although once we met we seemed to not email or text as much. Obviously she was not that keen on me :smile: mind you she is coming to Ellis' party on SUnday so I can't be that bad :twisted:

[cheeky_biscuit]

Yep, I agree, meet somehwere public. You'll be fine, but it's better to be safe than sorry.
FWIW I said a v. similar thing to a newborn mummy this week :o I said I couldn't wait to meet her new baby and have a proper baby cuddle :o Emma is 18months old and you just don't realise how precious those cuddles are until they can say no and run away! I did know her IRL though!

[Matilde]

I am quite interested in this thread because yesterday I answered an ad in netmums and I got a couple of replies today. She sounds really lovely too and has given me her phone number. When i replied I said it'd be nice to have a coffee sometime so she came back saying I could come to her house if I wanted and she sent me a piccy of her baba.

I was really chuffed that i had finally met someone Spanish in Reading and was really happy that Clarita could have a friend to speak spanish with so she doesnt feel odd!

Now I've read your thread and the replies I am very paranoid and thinking I am waaay too trusting and naive!.

Miss S, let us know how it goes. I was also a bit concerned she suggested we could have coffee at hers as i would never invite a stranger over, but being from the same country, I took as a bit of camaderie between ex-pats and not as something dodgy at all.

To be honest the bit about wanting to cuddle your babo could be totally innocent. I sometimes feel *Ohh I could cuddle that babi" when i see damsels photos and i may have posted it before. It's a way of saying: your son is super cute, not *I am going to freak you out*.

Then again, it could be quite sinister too.

Has anyone had any bad experiences with netmums?

[ms sweetcheeks]

Hiya- Lol
thanks for your replies.
I wrote to her I'd rather meet somewhere public the first time, and she replied "that makes sense etc".

She then proceeded to say I could always leave Theo with her and she would mind him,if I need to sort out my driving lessons (as I'd said I was jealous she's passed her test last week) :eek:

Oh I dunno :lol:

I'll meet her friday I think :scaredsmilie:

[Chocolate Lips]

You will probably just find she is one of those really over friendly people, but its better to be safe than sorry! Cant imagine you are going to want to leave Theo with her though!

[ms sweetcheeks]

I know- although wouldn't it be good if she was 100% normal and she could become my childminder :lol:

In m dreams :lol:

[tekkencat]

As some others say - go with your gut instincts - i would def meet somewhere public at first - (sorry not much of a different response)

TC
xx

[Sparkly]

Let us know how you get on hon. Matilde, that's brilliant news for you too!