When a child behaves badly/violently on a playdate do you tell the parent?

[Squeaker]

A has had a friend from preschool here this afternoon and neither A nor his friend were particularly well behaved. It didn't help that T came home from nursery in a foul mood so when the boys looked at her the wrong way she went into melt down! Grrr

Anyway, the boys were play fighting with swords and A's friend intentionally went up to T, who was snuggling on the sofa, and whacked her hard with the sword. Swords went into time out and boy told that wasn't acceptable. They went to play lego in the playroom and T went to investigate, friend then allegedly whacked her with a musical pipe leaving a welt. Later T came out of her grump and they all started playing nicely together when I saw A whisper to friend. Next thing he walks up to T and smacks her. She's out of her grump now and actually quite a tough cookie so didn't even flinch but even so. I'd like to point out that I don't think A was blameless in any of this I just didn't catch him doing anything. Regardless A was given a stern talking to and told in no uncertain terms he should not encourage people to hurt his sister especially as one of our house rules is 'we do not hurt each other' and he sat in time out for 4 minutes. His friend was also given a talking to and I told him that unfortunately I would have to tell his mum.

Now the question is, would you tell the mum or would you just say 'yes the boys had a great time?' and leave it at that?

To be fair to the boy he had a head injury a few days ago (poor kid was totally knocked unconscious) and has had very little sleep since so he was probably totally overtired and I don't think this is normal behaviour for him but even so if A had behaved like that at someone else's house I would want to know so he could receive some kind of discipline so I decided to tell the mum who was fabulous about the whole thing but now I'm wondering whether it would've been better to lie. WWYD? If you were on the other side of the fence, would you want to know or remain blissfully ignorant?

[Jelly]

I'd probably say something along the lines of "things got a bit over the top but we had a chat and they calmed down after that", but I wouldn't go into any detail. It's only if I thought they'd say something like "Mrs Jelly told me off" - at least she'd know where it was coming from. I wouldn't go into any detail about the actual incident unless she asked, and even then I'd probably play it down in this instance.

It's probably enough to give her the heads up that he hasn't been an angel so that she can warn him to behave before the next time he comes over.

[Duckie]

I would want to know and I would be profusely apologetic and shameful, but that is just me - I do tend to take any misbehaviour by my kids as slights on me and my parenting skills rather than just accepting that kids are kids :doh:. Although if I was in your shoes I probably would have glossed it over a bit to the mum, maybe saying that both boys had been a bit naughty and done whatever they'd done but you're sure it was just unusual behaviour because of his accident a few days ago. I've not encountered this situation yet though - I'm very nervous of having friends kids round without the parent yet, although I know I'll have to get over that very soon - so I could be talking absolute rubbish. I think you handled it very well though with dealing with the boys :nod:.

[*SarahR*]

I'd probably say something along the lines of "things got a bit over the top but we had a chat and they calmed down after that", but I wouldn't go into any detail. It's only if I thought they'd say something like "Mrs Jelly told me off" - at least she'd know where it was coming from. I wouldn't go into any detail about the actual incident unless she asked, and even then I'd probably play it down in this instance.

It's probably enough to give her the heads up that he hasn't been an angel so that she can warn him to behave before the next time he comes over.

This is what I would do too I think.

[mrsdunny207]

I think I'd want to know if there was behaviour I'd consider unacceptable, like unprovoked hitting. I'd feel awful if I wasn't dealing with horrible behaviour even if there was a good reason (like a previous head injury).

[Minky]

I would ABSOLUTELY be LIVID if I wasn't told my child hit in a playdate.

In fact it happened here today and the mum, one of my bessies, and I will have a chat about it tomorrow.

[Franny]

If it is really bad, like if J got a pelting, I would in a roundabout way but play it down. I am sensitive to the 'kids being kids' thing and it is not the mother's fault because she was not there. I know I would not appreciate someone describing my child's behaviour as atrocious so I would want someone to soften the blow without being dishonest, iyswim.