Having one of each [Archive]

TopStar

31-03-2011, 03:57am

(case of pregnancy insomnia, thought I'd post this as I've been thinking about it)

I have a 16m son and we are expecting a girl in June.
Whenever I tell people that we are having a girl, I'm told how lucky I am and how it's perfect etc. While I realise I'm lucky to have kids etc I'm wondering how is it more perfect than having a another boy? Seriously, whatever the sex is I would have felt lucky / perfect etc. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to having the chance to raise a girl and everything that comes with it. But then again I wouldnt have minded having two boys/girls. Both have their plus points.

If you have one of each, what's your experience like? Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? Are they stereotypical boy/girl? Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? Who has been 'harder' to raise? Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing?

I can't remember now but I had more Qs. :doh:

wickenwoman

31-03-2011, 07:43am

Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? Totally different characters.

Are they stereotypical boy/girl? Nope, DD was a typical tomboy, she's eldest and we had what were considerd boys toys for her although she loved things like ballet too. DS (younger by 20 months) was the one who wanted a doll and all those bits. He used to like to dress up in her ballet gear but then he was always into creepy crawlies and being a solider too.

Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? No, I didn't because I wanted more children but fate conspired to ensure that didn't happen.

Who has been 'harder' to raise? They've both given us different challenges along the way but I don't think one of them has been harder than the other. They've both been hard in different ways.

Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing? I think they did actually. Cathy was a real daddy's girl and Ross was a mummy's boy, he loved nothing better than cuddling with me when he was little which was lovely because as he's grown older that doesn't happen so much anymore. Now Cathy's relationship is closer with me than it is with her dad where as Ross will seek out his dad more if he has worries.

Lilacgirl

31-03-2011, 07:45am

I think it's impossible to say as all children have such different personalities. For example we visited some friends with 2 girls who couldn't be more different - one is sensible, quiet and studious, the other is a little livewire who talks and runs constantly.

So far mine are very similar but Emi is only 1. She is just as inquisitive as her brother and climbs everything. The only difference really is she has been more cuddly so far and was a slightly easier baby (but we think Zach's constant crying was due to problems with milk).

littlerose12345

31-03-2011, 08:11am

I think it's that assumption that everyone wants that 2.4 children situation with one of each child... everyone is different though, as long as they're healthy it shouldn't matter.

DillyDally

31-03-2011, 08:20am

January

31-03-2011, 08:21am

I have to admit I was Smuggity Mcsmug when I found out dd was a dd at a scan but if she'd been another boy, it wouldn't have bothered me.

MIL made loads of stupid comments about "pigeon pairs" whatever TF that's supposed to mean :rolleyes: then compounded it later on with choice comments on our insanity in having a third "especially as we wouldn't get anything different" :rolleyes:

The older two haven't been stereotypical at all. Ds1 is the quiet, studious one and dd is the one who was in the playground playing footie against the lads and now plays for a ladies soccer team. I had to wait until I had ds2 for my stereotype :lol:

jock76

31-03-2011, 08:25am

Well we have 4 of each,but when we had our 2nd we did have the 'perfect' one of each,and obviously it didnt mean we felt the family was complete!.They are all very different,although the boys were more cuddly as little ones-gabe is 3 and very much a mummys boy,but possibly because hes being breastfed still.They are all difficult/easy in thier own ways-especially finding that out now I have 3 teenagers and 2 preteen girls with all the hormones-toddler tantrums definately easier to sort!.
We are expecting our 5th boy and are over the moon-although would be just as excited about another daughter:smile:.Our youngest 3 are boys(3,6,7) so i think it will be nice for the baby to have brothers close in age.

katkinn

31-03-2011, 08:27am

I find it exceptionally bizarre tbh that the concept of one of each is seen as being *perfect* (isn't that what people say? oh perfect, one of each)

I also find it a pretty selfish concept. One of each - so parents have the opportunity to "experience" both sexes? What about the kids? I know growing up like so so so many of my friends who had a brother - all we wanted in the world was a sister!

And my DH who grew up with 4 sisters (oh yes, poor him, but waht about me know with FOUR effing sils!! :faint:) - well all he wanted was a brother - someone who might at least vaguely want to kick a ball or play cricket with him.

Of course not all children have typical gender traits by any stretch of the imagination. There are always going to be exceptions to the rules. And I think as adults the relationships do completely change. But personally I didn't want one of each. I desperately wanted at least two of the same sex. If not three. Not for me but for them. Which - in some roundabout way probably makes me misguidedly selfish :doh:

To go back to the OP - my girl is SO a girl, my boy is SO a boy and my second boy is a completely girly boy :teehee: (but he's only 2!! Very very sensitive though. although loves cars and boys toys :shrug:)

*SarahR*

31-03-2011, 08:34am

Only got two seconds to reply, but Kat's logic is one reason that I would
love another, so that at least 1child has a same sex sib.

My boy is v sensitive and nurturing (for a boy, he still likes trains, cars, space and stuff!). My girl has embraced dresses and 'being like a princess', but she is pretty tough, and it has to be a practical dress as she likes to get stuck into climbing etc.

No idea what that all means!

clowe74

31-03-2011, 08:37am

This is something that really pee's me off. How is one of each so perfect, I just dont get it. In my pinion 2 boys and a girl is perfect, someone else idea of perfect woud be 2 girls. It is bloody ridiculous and very narrow minded in my opinion

claireh

31-03-2011, 08:43am

Quite a few folk (especially of the older generation) have said to me 'oh Andy must be over the moon'. I find this thoroughly offensive, as if they think Mills was some disappointment being a girl. Should we just stop at two now he has his son and heir? Eejits.

Oh, I was also told we could stop at two as we have one of each now. Again bonkers.

Elvisola

31-03-2011, 08:44am

I always wanted two girls, always, although had S been a boy I obviously would have been happy. We are getting comments about having a third "to get a boy" but quite frankly if we had a third I would love another girl!

Everyone assumes that a woman wants a girl, I had lots of comments in the vein of " well you have got your girl so it doesn't matter now".

Ella is a strange mix of singing, dancing, princessy girls girl who likes collecting snails and building campfires :loco:

Sophia is too early to see but seems quite petite and has more of a timid personality.

Duckie

31-03-2011, 09:04am

But personally I didn't want one of each. I desperately wanted at least two of the same sex.

WSS - partly selfishly as I am one of two girls and very close to my sister growing up, but because of that reason I thought that two the same would be closer as they grow up. Even if it was a boy first then I think girls tend to look up to their older brothers and feel protected but Anna just has the irritating little brother :lol: though hopefully their age gap is small enough for them to always be close. As it is they adore each other and he absolutely worships the ground she walks on so hopefully they'll always feel this way about each other, but I just feel they'd be closer as the grow up if he was a she :lol:.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if I had two boys though as I always wanted two girls or one of each, but I can see how it would be fun to have someone who has a good chance of being into the same things. Elliot will definitely be in touch with his feminine side though - he's got a very good headstart on all things fairy & princess related, and enjoys dressing up and pretending because she does. He loves things with wheels and balls as well and I sometimes get an insight into what he would have been like if he was first born but I think he's more sensitive and caring and gentle as a result of having an older sister.

S-J

31-03-2011, 09:10am

Well Im strange because if I do ever have another Id want another boy. But having 2 healthy children would come way before their sex for me.

I get people asking me "when are you going to give your DS a SISTER" like yeah I have a say in it :rolleyes: makes me so mad and Im not even pregnant :lol:

Julesb

31-03-2011, 09:12am

My two have totally diferent characters.

DD is very laid back, her brother is :drama::drama::drama:. She's never been bothered about dolls, although she's got into Barbie just lately. He has a quite a few "babies" (dolls) and 2 Barbies. They have both been into trains and cars. She's not very girly. He likes a bit of pink.

I feel very blessed to have two children, but their sex has never come into it for me.

Danna

31-03-2011, 09:16am

Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? Completely, absolutely different. Polar opposites in fact.

Are they stereotypical boy/girl? Definitely. Mae would spend all day playing Barbies and wearing make up if I let her, but she hates dancing. Danny can happily play for over an hour with his Fireman Sam figurines and has learned how to "shoot" people despite there being no guns in the house.

Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? No, I'd like another one.

Who has been 'harder' to raise? Havent really got that far yet but I think my boy might be trouble...

Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing? No, both favour their Dad!

pinkydinkydoo

31-03-2011, 09:25am

I have two boys, completely different personalities. Completely different people, obviously. It's :loco: to think that just because you have two of the same gender that their personalities and temperaments will be similar, or that one gender is 'easier' than the other.

This is a very sore point with me, I feel blessed to have two children, and was so :hissyfit: about people saying it was a shame my second wasn't a girl :-(

Exactly this. After I had DS2 and said I didn't want any more children, people kept asking me why I didn't want to keep trying for a girl. :yeahright: Er, because I am very happy with the 2 children I have already thanks.

Mrs B

31-03-2011, 11:34am

People still say to me that one of each is perfect; as it happens it is for us, but after our experiences we'd be happy for just healthy children tbh. Our family is complete because we have 2 kids, not because of what sex they are.

Our 2 are very very different, DS is sensitive and caring and artistic, DD is loud and physical and boisterous. They love each other dearly but fight like cats sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Becci

31-03-2011, 11:51am

IMHO, I think that the benefit (for want of a better word) of having one of each is that any decision to have further children isn't skewed by the whole "well.. I'd like to have a girl/boy". I have 2 wonderful daughters and they are completely different, but love each other to bits. I am, as yet, undecided about having a third. My mind changes on almost a daily basis.

There are a lot of factors about the decision making process (including selfishly that I don't know if I can go trough the gaining/losing weight again, going through the baby stage again, money, life style etc etc). One of the factors is that I don't know how I would feel living with 3 teenage girls in my house.

I would really love to have a son, and I wouldn't want that desire to leave me feeling disappointed if we were to have a girl. I hope that I wouldn't be disappointed, but I just can't know in advance how I would feel.

So, if you have one of each, that doesn't mean that you can rest on your laurels as your duty is done.. but it does mean that the choice to have more children isn't influenced by what you already have.

bubbasweet

31-03-2011, 12:00pm

I don't know why people hold the one-of-each thing up as being the ideal. It's not as if you have any choice in the matter :loco:

donna-j

31-03-2011, 12:01pm

Well I wanted one of each. So shoot me.

ms sweetcheeks

31-03-2011, 12:06pm

I don't know what kind of nonsense that is!!

In my opinion 1 of each is not really the perfect set IYSWIM..

For me having 2 of the same sex is more perfect- I am so pleased I got 2 boys, and relatively close in age, I mean who's gonna care about age, when they are 8 and 12 and kicking a football around together in the park!!!

If I had had a girl, not only would she be 4 yrs younger- she would also be opposite sex to DS1- so there would quite a few factors that would mean they probably wouldn't have much in common or be that close.

I wouldn't mind having a girl one day, in 5 years time. Hmmm, how though :lol:

Toosh

31-03-2011, 12:14pm

Jock, did I read that right?! You have 8 children?! :faint:

ms sweetcheeks

31-03-2011, 12:15pm

Jock, did I read that right?! You have 8 children?! :faint:

She's good ain't she, I couldn't do it :clap:

Miffy

31-03-2011, 12:21pm

People said that a lot to us when we had R. Mostly people with two boys said "Jammy buggers, to get one of each"
They are very different people. Both are quite laid back and independent, but R is a lot cheekier and gets up to mischief a lot more than J. Both are quite happy to play with dolls, cars or trains.
J is a Daddy's boy and R is a Mummy's girl most of the time, but they do chop and change quite a lot.
I always wanted 3 kids no matter what sex.

Cheetara

31-03-2011, 12:31pm

I have a boy, 5, and a girl, 3. They are sooo different.

T is the most laid back little boy and can quite happily entertain himself is mild mannered but doesn't really do affection and is a Daddy's boy.

L is high, high maintenance, constantly stropping, everything's a drama, clumsy because she does things at a speedy pace, but is so so affectionate and is a mummy's girl.

They get on to a point but because they're both so different they can often wind each other up over the simplest thing.

bluekat

31-03-2011, 12:31pm

I'm from a one of each pair (have 2 other younger brothers but they arrived after I'd grown up) and it made me desperate for 2 of the same. Which I got :grin: ... though any combination is a gift IMO.

littlerose12345

31-03-2011, 12:42pm

I don't know why people hold the one-of-each thing up as being the ideal. It's not as if you have any choice in the matter :loco:
:lol: so true

spritzer

31-03-2011, 12:42pm

Well I've got two boys and No3 is a girl. TBH I would have been just as happy with another boy - so much easier to have them all the same sex IMO, especially for things like choices at the cinema, camping and rooms on holiday. But, I have to say that having 2 and then a gap and then one a different flavour is great as it stops DS2 being 'the middle child' and just how spoilt is my little girl going to be with 2 big brothers to hero worship and be protected by.

The people they are is so much more important than what sex they are IMO.

Shoppie

31-03-2011, 12:43pm

I always wanted 3 too Miffy. I can't think of a single person though who hasn't made some sort of comment about how lucky/ happy I must be to be having a girl. I am thrilled of course - but its the implication that I'd have been any less thrilled with a boy that is offensive :yeahright: One woman at playgroup even said how 'clever' I was - like I'd managed to sneak in the last order for a really popular handbag or something :yeahright:

Not sure about it being 'selfish' to want one of each though, ultimately having kids is always selfish, you do it for your own sake (unless possibly adopting then you might do it to give the child a better life etc)

That said, I have a feeling these sorts of comments often come from a general need to say something :shrug:

Oh and Dd is too young to have much of a clue on personality, but my boys are total polar opposites - and adore one another. I'm a girl with 2 brothers and have to say I honestly hand on heart never, ever hankered after a sister - I went to an all girls school though and all the sisters ever seemed to do is fight, plus I was a tomboy so that may be why.

Becci

31-03-2011, 12:45pm

.. just how spoilt is my little girl going to be with 2 big brothers to hero worship and be protected by.

I wouldn't count on that ;) I am the youngest of 3.. and the only girl (age gaps is 2 years, then 4 years) and my brothers used to beat up on me! I did hero worship one of them which has just led to utter disappointment since I was a teenager. Though they are both RIDICULOUSLY protective of me.. so I guess you might have that bit right!!!

minime

31-03-2011, 12:49pm

Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? My two are completely different
Are they stereotypical boy/girl? I think sometimes they fit into the stereotype, C is a very girly girl, loves pink and playing with dolls etc but will still play with S toys. S loves playing with cars and diggers etc and is very tough but then he loves dressing up in C dressing up clothes.
Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? My DH did until recently and I always wanted a 3rd and am now due the 3rd in Sept.
Who has been 'harder' to raise? I would say that S has been harder to raise but lots of health things (me & DH) happened when he was born and growing up which I think hasn't helped. He also has a really bad temper and fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.
Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing? C atm is more of a mummy's girl and if DH is home then S is a daddy's boy. But both of them switch between us.

The thing that annoys me is people assume that because you have a boy and a girl then you don't want anymore kids, I have had a lot of remarks along the lines of why have a 3rd when you already have a boy and girl, glutton for punishment etc. but when your first two are the same sex then people automatically think that you want to try for a 3rd to get the opposite sex.

hazelnut

31-03-2011, 12:53pm

MY boy and girl are so different its been like the first time all over again lol. But thats just mine, I dont think there is any rhyme or reason for it.

As for people saying 'oooh arent you lucky 1 of each' that was used on me when I was advised not to have anymore due to pre eclamsia, errr makes no odds what sexes I have its still a blow to not have anymore lol.

Miffy

31-03-2011, 12:53pm

One woman at playgroup even said how 'clever' I was - like I'd managed to sneak in the last order for a really popular handbag or something :yeahright:

I got this too. That we were clever to get one of each. :loco: If I was really clever, I would have only had 2 pregnancies instead of 4 to get my two children :rolleyes:. It's luck. But people do seem to feel the need to say something.

Flicky

31-03-2011, 01:24pm

Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? Totally different.

Are they stereotypical boy/girl? To an extent - but dd has her tomboyish qualities and ds has done his fair share of dressing up as a fairy/princess etc.

Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? No. My family is complete, but that's not why.

Who has been 'harder' to raise? Difficult one. My dd's definitely more spirited and my ds is a laid back little chap.

Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing? Again, to an extent. ds def prefers me. dd is fickle!

Franny

31-03-2011, 01:34pm

Do they have the same characteristics or completely different? The same, yet different, too. DS is less extreme and less persistent than DD.

Are they stereotypical boy/girl? DD is quite tomboyish and boisterous for a girl but still likes girly things like dolls and pink. DS likes cars, balls more than DD did and climbs whereas DD never really did. He will join in the girly stuff, too, but, at 2, I don't know how much longer it would last.

Did you feel your family is complete because you have one of each? Yes but it would have been complete anyway even with 2 girls

Who has been 'harder' to raise? DD. DS is so much more laid back. Even though he can sometimes have his toddler moments, he is much more amenable than DD and is more easily distracted, bribed. With DD, once something's in her head, there is no stopping her no matter what you do.

Did they fit in to mummy's boy/daddy's girl thing? No, tis the other way round in this house. Mind you, DS is gravitating towards me more now.

*kate*

31-03-2011, 01:42pm

We had girl, boy, girl. The older two have a small age gap between them.

They're very different yet very similar :shrug: They probably are stereotypical - loud confident older one, shy middle child and spoilt little one. We never had a "mummy's boy/Daddy's girl" scenario with the older two AT ALL, but Josephine isn't nicknamed "Mummy's Stormtrooper" for nothing!

I really don't know why people say one of each is perfect. I would have happily had three of the same gender. Each gender is nice in it's own way and I suppose I'm pleased I've seen both sides of the coin (even though there's not that much difference really) but it was never paramount.

The hardest to bring up - in our house was most definitely DD1. But ask a parent of a teenage boy and they'd disagree I'm sure - each child has it's own personality and if they're going to be challenging, then although the challenges might be different, they are still challenges YKWIM?

Dink

31-03-2011, 02:02pm

I have one of each and :rolleyes: at the "perfect" comments, though I think really people just like to comment. I have no expectations of my children based on gender. They are lovely and "perfect" no matter what their gender.

They're also very different (obviously) but I attribute this to personalities and possibly birth order before I would think it's gender related.

flipflop

31-03-2011, 02:15pm

I am the cleverest and most perfect of you all, having had a boy and a girl AT THE SAME TIME :lol:.

*joke* btw, before anyone starts frothing at the mouth.

People have actually said, 'oh clever you!' when they hear I have b/g twins, as if I had some sort of control over it.

I was so happy to actually be expecting one baby, let alone two. I did have a preference for at least one girl back then, I don't have any brothers, so girls were what I knew about then. Now, I really wouldn't care.

They are ridiculously different; she is very girly but with a core of steel, he's very sensitive but boyish too (football and car mad).

All combinations of kids are good, surely??

ditab

31-03-2011, 02:48pm

I think people just say stuff :shrug: If somebody already has a boy and tells me they're having a girl, I say "how lovely, one of each :lurve:". If they say they're having another boy, I say "how lovely, two boys :lurve:" I think that for people to comment positively on whatever your scenario is fine and just making conversation. To comment negatively ("oh, you must be disappointed" for whatever reason) is just rudeness (unless they already knew that you had a preference).

Personally, if I could have chosen, I would have had an older boy and a younger girl - simply because that's what I grew up with and it worked for us. I got on really well with my brother (18 months older) - it was good to have someone to do the rough & tumble stuff with and, as we got older, to know he was looking out for me. I never, ever wanted a sister when I was a kid :happyno: I liked that me & my mum were pals and my brother & dad were pals (although we would switch around as well :lol:).

If my second baby had been a boy, I'd have been thrilled. A little brother for Max, all boys in the house except for me, lots of opportunities for boys' days out in years to come :teehee:, it would have been lovely.

But likewise, I'm delighted with my little girl :cloud9: Even if she is a drama queen and 10 times more work than Max ever was :brainache: :lol:

Stropypop

31-03-2011, 02:57pm

I think some people are just a bit thick and unaware what they are saying may be annoying - like the fat/growing comments when you're pregnant :rolleyes:

I found it harder when I was pregnant and people would say that I was so lucky that dd was a girl and I always replied that I felt even luckier that she was healthy. The worst was when I mentioned to someone that I wanteed another child and they said that I must want a boy so I could experience a boy without down's syndrome :zombie: I was a bit shocked to enquire why that might be - I so wished I had just to hear the answer :lol:

SaintSarah

31-03-2011, 03:02pm

IMHO, I think that the benefit (for want of a better word) of having one of each is that any decision to have further children isn't skewed by the whole "well.. I'd like to have a girl/boy". I have 2 wonderful daughters and they are completely different, but love each other to bits. I am, as yet, undecided about having a third. My mind changes on almost a daily basis.

Exactly what Becci said only insert sons for daughters!!

I love having 2 boys, especially close together in age - they (mostly!) get on really well and are starting to play really well together. But that doesnt stop me wanting a girl - nor does it stop me being a little green with envy over my friends who have 1 of each....I've never hidden my desire to have a little girl, but it does make our decision harder as despite knowing I'd love and adore another little boy I truly do want a girl and I know we cant just keep going in the hope of having a daughter!

If someone could 100% guarantee that our next baby will be a girl I'd have one in a heartbeat, but no one can guarantee that which makes our decision much harder.

Toosh

31-03-2011, 09:00pm

Nicolab

31-03-2011, 09:58pm

Well I'll never have a girl so won't experience any differences first hand but all I will say is that my two are very different already so I think you'll def have a different experience :wink:

My mum always wanted a girlie girl to dress up and ended up with me :tongue: so I don't think you can predict what any child will be like - that's the fun of it eh!

As an aside though I get comments all the time such as 'you'll have a third because you'll want a girl' :doh:

RealGoneKid

31-03-2011, 10:18pm

My DD is 5 and my DS is almost 3.

DD is a girly girl but also likes getting muddy and being a tomboy. DS is an absolute and utter stereotypical boy but also likes dressing up in princess dresses with his sister and singing and dancing to High School Musical :lol:

They get on so well though, it is wonderful to see :lurve: well, apart from the time they spend trying to kill each other :teehee:

The whole "perfect" one of each things drives me :hissyfit: :fuming: It drives me insane when people say that we must have decided to stop at 2 children because we had one of each - no, we wanted two children, 2 girls 2 boys or one of each didn't matter.

Bluebabe75

01-04-2011, 06:42am

I've got one of each and, although I obviously would have loved a second boy just as much, I know that for me personally having Emma did make our family "complete". We only really wanted two children but I do honestly believe if I had had two boys part of me wouldn't feel finished and I would have wanted to try for a girl.

Matthew is a total boy - he is into 'boys' things like cars, trains, Lego City and Star Wars. He hates anything pink or princessy and has very strong opinions on what girls and boys should and shouldn't play with. Emma just wants to play with whatever Matthew is playing with so she isn't a girly girl at home yet. I just like having the chance to dress her up in pretty outfits - DH says she is like my little doll.

But I love them both because they are my babies - their gender doesn't really make a difference to that

prettypetals

01-04-2011, 07:20am

My family is complete now after recently having DS1 but not because he's a he! When i was pregnant with DD2 people actually gave me their sympathies-:no: Saying ah well you can always have another go-WTF!! When we found out DS1 was a boy we had all the usual crap said as others as said and also when he was born again how fantastic now ive "got a boy what i always wanted" obv from people who didnt really know me/us!

As DS1 is only six months its hard to say wether he's a mummy's boy,and likewise DD1/2 are equally affectionate/caring etc with both me and DH.

Personality wise DD2 really should have been a boy (stereotypically!) whilst DD1 is the girliest girl. IMO children are prescious no matter what their gender/personality type and its just wonderfull to see them becoming their own person as they grow. Likewise i still can understand couples that are desperate for one particular sex, at the end of the day we cant help how we feel.

Nicolab

01-04-2011, 07:52am

It drives me insane when people say that we must have decided to stop at 2 children because we had one of each - no, we wanted two children, 2 girls 2 boys or one of each didn't matter.

:lol: hilarious! What is the deal with the comments either way eh?!?

WeeBird

01-04-2011, 11:42am

The worst was when I mentioned to someone that I wanteed another child and they said that I must want a boy so I could experience a boy without down's syndrome :zombie: I was a bit shocked to enquire why that might be - I so wished I had just to hear the answer :lol:

:shock: That's appalling - I actually had to read that several times to make sure it said what it does, I am speechless :faint:

I have one son and three daughters which I am perfectly happy with and our family is now complete. Funnily enough no-one has suggested that we have some more kids to get some more boys. DH is adamant that we are done :lol:

Elle Driver

01-04-2011, 11:43am

Yup, Deets. All there is to it :shrug:

DillyDally

01-04-2011, 11:45am

The worst was when I mentioned to someone that I wanteed another child and they said that I must want a boy so I could experience a boy without down's syndrome :zombie:

I had this, as well (where do all these people get these ideas - and then think it's appropriate to share them???) - I am double disappointment to all those who want everyone to have the 'ideal' one of each - I have two boys, but one of them has a learning disability. I am hanging my head in shame .... NOT!

Jubjub

01-04-2011, 11:57am

TopStar

01-04-2011, 12:06pm

Interesting replies, I am reading but need to be on the PC to post, will do tonight.

I was told how lucky I am by a mum that had one of each, it sounded a bit smug coming from her though :meh:

donna-j

01-04-2011, 12:48pm

What Dita et al said.

I must be really think skinned and also really gobby as I don't get offended that easily and no doubt say loads that p*ss people off :oops:

DillyDally

01-04-2011, 12:50pm

I must be really think skinned and also really gobby as I don't get offended that easily and no doubt say loads that p*ss people off :oops:

But would you say this, donna?

The worst was when I mentioned to someone that I wanteed another child and they said that I must want a boy so I could experience a boy without down's syndrome :zombie:

Headrest

01-04-2011, 12:57pm

I think people just say things for the sake of saying stuff sometimes. Surely them saying "oh how lovely that you have x, y, z" is better than going "oh thats rubbish, one boy one girl? pah!". Saying that though, I do get a bit cheesed off with the constant "when is your daughter going to have a sibling" comments so I guess it's horses for courses.

FTR, what that person said to Stropypop would be an absolute deal breaker in my book and I'd write that person off for good. Christ, what a thing to say!!

donna-j

01-04-2011, 01:33pm

But would you say this, donna?

Of course not but that is entirely different to people making small talk just to say something.

DillyDally

01-04-2011, 01:42pm

Of course not but that is entirely different to people making small talk just to say something.

I wasn't implying anything by asking that, donna, hope I haven't offended you :oops: It's just WTF makes someone say something like that? When I think of all the comments I've had about H (and I am sure Stropypop has had similar) I am just ... :no:

donna-j

01-04-2011, 02:08pm

Nah, as I said, I am thick skinned :lol:

People can be so tactless :higgies:

Katiekipper

01-04-2011, 04:01pm

Well I'm going to stick my head above the parapet and say I'm glad I have both genders, I wanted both genders and i'd have been sad if I'd not had both experiences. I may well have had a larger family than I do now in order to have tried for the gender I didn't have but I can't say that for certain.
But. I do not only love my kids because they are the desired gender. I would not have not loved or loved less subsequent boys if Eden and Sissy had followed Ross and finn as brothers rather than sisters. And I do not think that everyone needs or wants or should want the same thing that I do.
And as I just love babies and children I do say "Oooh how lovely" when people say they're expecting whatever gender they're expecting and I mean it. Every child is a wonderful gift.
Liking one thing or wanting one thing does NOT HAVE to mean that you hate or even mildly dislike the alternative.

Miss_Jane

01-04-2011, 04:08pm

People keep asking me just now if I want a boy this time. I just say I will be happy with either, it would be nice to have one of each but at the same time, it would be nice for DD to have a sister so I don't really mind. Loads of people say, oh but what about your OH, he must want a boy. Errrrrr, no, he is absolutely delighted with the girl he already has and he will be equally delighted if we have another girl!

Stropypop

01-04-2011, 07:13pm

It's just WTF makes someone say something like that? When I think of all the comments I've had about H (and I am sure Stropypop has had similar) I am just ... :no:

They are just very special people who obviously don't have a clue and haven't met our children :nod:

I would've loved having the same gender just to say "my boys/girls" it sounds lovely to me to be able to put claim on them rather than "ds and dd are going/doing" In fairness I guess it's better commenting on sex than wondering if the baby is healthy or how you'll cope or giving you the number for a parenting line when you've had no sleep for weeks and are desparate :lol:

L66TTY

02-04-2011, 10:22pm

Honestly I was gutted when I found out DS2 was a boy. My ideal was one of each with a boy first. Of course I love DS2 now he is here but throughout my preagnancy I went to some very dark places and suffered a bit from Prenatal depression.

He is a total mummies boy now and DS1 is more of a daddies boy.

The decision to have another child is now very hard in so many superficial ways it makes no sense but my longing for a daughter has not gone. If we had lots of spare cash I would seriously consider gender selection. As it is DH is adamant he wants no more I do have a desire for another child too though and have another boys name sorted!

I am very worried about how I would react if I were to get pregnant again though. So as others have said swing wildly from wanting another baby to wanting twin girls to not wanting any more.

I can't help the way I feel and I know some people will judge me, but there it is.

Milkybargirl

03-04-2011, 01:27am

I think I must be a very simple soul, I still would just love a.n. other - a happy healthy little one so that DS will always have another anchor in this world apart from us.

Chickenlips

03-04-2011, 02:02am

I think I must be a very simple soul, I still would just love a.n. other - a happy healthy little one so that DS will always have another anchor in this world apart from us.

Absolutely (no, not saying I'm having another or want another!). I totally understand the want for a certain sex, or at least I used to. But honestly, the bottom line should always be about the child, not the gender - a healthy child really is the greatest gift in the world, to even be able to have a child is a huge honour and one that I have never took for granted.

SaintSarah

03-04-2011, 08:45am