*poss sensitive?* I am seriously so scared - any suggestions?

[Shoppie]

'maybe not have a third baby' is a bit on the late side :teehee:

I have my medical c-section booked on 8 Feb, just over 2 weeks from now. I am so, so afraid of something going wrog because it has so badly the other 2 times. I didn't cope well with either of those tbh, worse with DS2 of course because he nearly died and I just don't know where I'd finnd the strength to cope with anything much this time.

I realised how bad it was on Friday, I haven't packed either of our bags yet and thought I really should, as soon as I got the bag out to start I was shakig and felt physically sick so I put it away.

Anyone got any suggestions as to how I can deal with it? I had counselling through the hospital between pregnancies 1 and 2, which was mainly CBT based and focused on 'no reason for it to go wrong last time, so no reason to believe it will this' which has obviously been a bit scuppered by an even worse experience :doh:

[Minky]

Oh Shoppie :higgies:. I really don't know what to advise you honey.

Could you have a friend come round and help you pack your bag? Maybe some support could be useful?

I am just praying for a fabulous experience for you this time round :nod:.

xxxx

[Miss P]

:higgies: so sorry to hear that you're feeling scared, Shoppie. Is there a MW or doctor at the hospital that you could speak with to talk through your concerns and give you a chance to re-inforce the positives of the birth?

On a practical level, can you ask someone you're particularly close with to help you pack the hospital bag so you can get that crossed off your list? Small steps and all that.

Sending you all positive vibes to see you through this period of worry so that come the 8th you can have a wonderful experience to welcome your new baby :higgies:

[Mrs B]

Oh honey, of course you're frightened. It doesn't matter how often someone tells you that what happened before is sooo unlikely to happen again. What is your mw like? If she's the sort of person that you can speak to then I'd call her; I was terrified about the vbac/elective question last time and called mine, who got my (extremely sympathetic and supportive) HV to come and see me, and between them they helped a lot. It may not be over til your section though, so any help you can get over the next 2 weeks is crucial. Shout if any of us can do anything, but I think that talking to someone and voicing your concerns (not in a medical way, but a crying-on-a-shoulder way) will help a bit. Hang on in there honey xxx.

[Peridot]

Oh Shops :higgies: tbh I think this is probably why its best you are having the section as these are the exact things that went through my head but not until I was in labour with Oscar and it was horrendous. I was convinced he was dying and I don't think any amount of any form of counselling could have made any difference to that. It was terrifying especially because, like Bobby, with Thomas there was no real explanation why he was so ill and you just don't expect a full term baby to be like that.
You just have to keep everything crossed and pray hard that you WILL get the opportunity of a positive birth/new born. I don't think there is a great deal more you can do to get through it. It makes me think of Blonde girl in some ways (I know very different situations but the fear factor) & her pregnancy with Tom and how she just had to get to the final goal in what ever way she could and there wasn't a lot that could help.
ARe you going to the hospital where you'll give birth at all in the next couple of weeks? If not do you think its worth having a drive there and a quick look around or something? as for your bag, write your DH a list and ask him to sort it, if you're worried that he won't be able to (being a man and all that ;) ) then give the list to me and I will do it for you.
I honestly believe in 2 weeks time you will be holding your gorgeous daughter and having gone through a very positive birth and be very happy - just hold on to that end thought and try not to think about anything else. Big hugs - can't wait to see you & B tomorrow xx

[RealGoneKid]

Firstly, huge :higgies: Shoppie. I found walking in for the second c-s far more scary than the first time, and that's without everything that you have been through with your gorgeous boys :higgies:

I would second talking to someone if you can :nod: As for bags, can your DH help? If you've got some stuff in bags, it might help a bit :higgies:

You and your family are in my prayers. I am hoping that your little girl doesn't have the same flair for the dramatic as her brothers :wink: and that you will have a positive experience this time :higgies:

[Faith]

I have nothing constructive to add, other than your feelings are totally understandable. I remember even when you were posting about ttc, thinking I wasn't sure I would be strong enough after all you went through with both DS's

You are stronger than me though, so focus on visualising yourself and your completely healthy baby.

[L66TTY]

Hmm no idea what to say really 3rd time lucky comes to mind but probably not a lot of help!?

No 2 pregnancies or births are ever the same so there is no real reason for this one to be anything but brilliant.

Ask your midwife for help too prenatal depression is not often talked about but it definately happens PM me if you want to chat further hun.

Got every little thing crossed for you and you know that every Damsel will be sending their love and support and we seem to have a lot of power to make things go right hugs xxxx

[smiley]

some great advice already so I dont have anything extra to add but wanted to give yo a huge :higgies: and say I really pray that you have the textbook birth this time around,

s xxxx

[jamsplat]

:hug:
does your hospital have any support available? The hospital where I had DS has an 'angst team' (midwives, consultants and I believe psychologists although I never saw one) who's remit is to support women who are struggling to deal with an up and coming birth for whatever reason. I know your experiences have been way worse than mine with DD2 but I did find them v. helpful, not least because all my files (paper and electronic) were specially marked so that anyone going into them got a brief synopsis of what had happened previously so I didn't have to deal with anyone saying something innappropriate (all be it well intended)

[Samba]

:higgies: just what the others have said really Shoppie, I hope you can be given some support for this difficult time.

Also - DS1 was born on 8th February and its a fantastic birthday to have :cheer2:

[Chickster]

Oh Shoppie :higgies:

I don't have anything remotely helpful or constructive to say other than how you're feeling is completely understandable. Talking to somebody urgently can't do any harm and as for your hospital bags, can't you give your DH the list and get him to pack them and leave them somewhere safe for when the time comes?

Thinking of you honey :higgies:

[Elektra]

What Chickster just said, I really really am sending buckets of vibes that this birth and afterwards are calm and as relaxed as they can be.

[alex]

Oh Shoppie :higgies:

I don't have anything remotely helpful or constructive to say other than how you're feeling is completely understandable. Talking to somebody urgently can't do any harm and as for your hospital bags, can't you give your DH the list and get him to pack them and leave them somewhere safe for when the time comes?

Thinking of you honey :higgies:


What Chickster just said, I really really am sending buckets of vibes that this birth and afterwards are calm and as relaxed as they can be.

:nod: What Chickster and Elektra said :higgies:

Lots of love and hugs Shoppie :higgies:

[Shoppie]

Thanks girls :flowers:

The suggestion re: getting DH or a friend to pack them is really obviou, no idea why I didn't think of that, I even still have the list from last time, so DH has offered to sort it out tonight bless him.

I do need to talk to someone IRL I think, if for no reason that to vent a bit, I just need to work out who to talk to really.

I also think Peri is probably right and basically I just need to get through the next 2 weeks in whatever way I can, it will happen one way or the other! I'm also very glad Lotty that as you said no 2 births/ pregnancies are the same - phew!!!

I really do appreciate all the positive vibes :flowers: