Too independent....

[Blonde Girl]

Dan is going through a really independent stage at the moment and will not let me do ANYTHING (well not without the biggest hissy fit imaginable).

He has to put on his own shoes, pour his own milk, carry his own nursery bag, open his own raisins, unwrap his own baybels, etc etc et. I am sure you getthe picture.

The problem is he physically can't do most of these things, and then he gets frustrated and loses his temper.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this - or reassurances that 'this too will pass' are very welcome......

PS - not sure if this should be in here or in B&T, pls move it if necessary.

ETA had typed picture instead of babybels for some unknown reason.

[spritzer]

I 'think' the powers that be advise that you let them get on with it where possible and brace yourself for the tantrums that follow. The thinking being that if you rush in and help then you're not giving them a sufficient opportunity to develop. Berluddy hard when you've got a red faced screaming toddler who wants to try his hand at wiring a plug I know :wik: :roll:

Much looking forward to this stage meself in a few months time....

So, no real advice i'm afraid.

[Elle Driver]

hey :wave:

ruby's been like this for ages now.. i'm afraid i cant tell you it'll pass hun a she's been little miss independent from the start - she started walking at 10 months, and it started from there :shock: !!! I try to see it as a positive, as she is now starting to do things like undress herself, climb into the bath (she has the longest legs :laff: !) and - thankfully - when i was pregnant i didnt have to lift her into the car seat as she was adamant she could do it herself.

As i mentioned, she's been like this since i can remember - is dan just starting to assert himself in this way? the books that i've read have said that its a toddlers way of trying to have some control in his/her life, even if they are tiny little things to us (open a packet or raisins for eg) - to the LOs its so important. We get MAJOR tears and whines and foot stamping if ruby cannot master a task, the frustration is so high bless her. i usually let her try and do whatever it is she wants to do and then when she cant i say do you want mummy to help to which she agrees to as she realises she cant do it on her own!

There are some things that she obviously cannot do - chopping veg with the sharp knife etc, so i let her sit on the top next to me and cut up a piece with her blunt toddler knife (after the tears :wik: - but hey, they have to learn that there are some things that they are just not allowed to do, no matter how much they want to!

PVxx

[Azana]

Sometimes if I say to Ella "do you want me to help you" she will give in - otherwise saying something like "do you want me to put on your left shoe or your right shoe first" seems to make her feel a bit in control iyswim - also sometimes we count how long it takes takes to put her t-shirt on etc etc.......sometimes she just gets so frustrated too as she wants to do stuff herself.

Actually recently she has learnt to say "I can't do that I'm too little - when I'm a big girl" - so I use that as an argument when pressed.

Sometimes when all else fails I bribe her to let me do whatever it is with chocolate :oops: - never fails - this is when I really am too tired or in a hurry and can not be doing with wrestling an octopus aka trying to persuade her to put her shoes on.

This then leads to extra teeth brushing - which these days is another independence issue - normally involves a toddler step and both of us shoving a toothbrush in her mouth at once......heigh ho....you are not alone.

A x

[Cherrypie]

Yup, Eilis is like this too! Has been for ages actually. Like Azana, it is sometimes managable if I offer to help - but only if I've let her have a go first!

[popinjay1]

... i didnt have to lift her into the car seat as she was adamant she could do it herself.

This is a new thing for Claire and can be very frustrating as she doesn't have long enough legs really and becomes an ironing board if I override her trying :roll: .

But cathyw, Claire is the exactly the same but does get slightly easier when they can actually do the things. I tend to let Claire get on with it and as Azana says ask her if she needs my help, or leave the room and tell her to find me if she needs me to help. She usually does and sometimes without a tantrum too!

I too use bribery though if I need things done quickly...

[Blonde Girl]

Oh well at least I am not alone!

I am hoping that he masters more things and is therefore more 'in control' of stuff he will be more willing to concede the things he can't do.

I think I will definitely try the tactic of just letting him get on with it and telling him to come and ask me for help if he needs it.

Already use the bribery...only way to persuade him in his car seat after nirsery most nights is with a bit of biscuit. Honestly having a toddler is SO like having a puppy at times!!!

[spritzer]

Already use the bribery...only way to persuade him in his car seat after nirsery most nights is with a bit of biscuit. Honestly having a toddler is SO like having a puppy at times!!!

Laughing myself silly at this one - totally with you as well!

[Sparkly]

O
Already use the bribery...only way to persuade him in his car seat after nirsery most nights is with a bit of biscuit. Honestly having a toddler is SO like having a puppy at times!!! LOL totally agree - was just thinking this myself today! Mine is just starting to assert her independence but I just have to walk away when she tantrums cos it's so damn cute I can't stop laughing! :o

[tigurr]

Toddlers are fun aren't they?! LOL

Em has always been independent but things have gone to a new level now... it's so much fun (not lol!).

What I do is say "do you want any help?", she'll say "no, let ME do it" ... and then a few minutes later she'll come over and say "mummy want to do it?" lol

[Cherrypie]

Already use the bribery...only way to persuade him in his car seat after nirsery most nights is with a bit of biscuit. Honestly having a toddler is SO like having a puppy at times!!!

LOL! So true - though puppies don't have tantrums!