Parents of only children

[Roseyposey]

....does your child ever ask for a brother or sister?

Mine has been adamant (until now) that she doesn't want one, and in the past week shes mentioned it. We've just sat on her bed for a chat and she said she'd really like one as it would be a friend to play with all the time (although she's 5 this year).

She burst into tears talking about, which in turn made me cry as I feel huge guilt about it. I know she's only 4 and doesn't understand the in's and out's of it, but I really feel I'm denying her.

We have several reasons why we aren't having another, the main one being is that I don't feel happy/stable/confident enough to have another, I really feel as though it might negatively affect my relationship with DH....anyway all this is irrelevant, its the bit about DD asking thats an issue.

So anyone else going through this and if so how do you handle it/console yourself?

(ps I'm extremely PMT ish and also awaiting smear results so very sensitive!)

[PoppyHoney]

Yep, Evie regularly asks me for a brother or sister :nod:, and she tells me she's lonely as an only child.

'Luckily' I'm single, so I just tell her I have to find someone to have a baby with first, which she seems content with, but it does make me sad. It's not ideal, but I try and remind us both of the positives of only having one - "Yes, but if you had a sister, we couldn't afford to go to the zoo/holiday/whatever', 'if you had a brother he'd want to play fighting games, which you don't like' sort of thing.

[Cailín Deas]

My DD (6) has 'asked' for one on several occasions but I have explained to her that she is more than enough for me and so wonderful we don't need anyone else.

Not sure how that one will stand up to scrutiny in a few years but I can fob her off for now.

From my own point of view, I know I would crack up if I had another. Just couldn't face it. Sent DH for snip when DD was a baby.

[Roseyposey]

'Luckily' I'm single, so I just tell her I have to find someone to have a baby with first, which she seems content with, but it does make me sad. It's not ideal, but I try and remind us both of the positives of only having one - "Yes, but if you had a sister, we couldn't afford to go to the zoo/holiday/whatever', 'if you had a brother he'd want to play fighting games, which you don't like' sort of thing.

I'm sorry Poppy, sounds hard. I do the same things too, tell her I wouldnt be able to play with her so much, couldn't affford things etc etc.

I do wonder if shes incredibly run down. About 5 minutes ago she cried becuase our garden wasn't big enough. She never cries so this is really out of character.

[trinity_bleu]

T has asked why she doesn't have a baby brother like all her friends (literally, all the second babies were boys!) and I've just explained to her that we're a family of 3 and she's more than enough for us.

She sometimes asks if we can get one the next time we go to Tesco :lol: ... I've said if she find a baby brother for sale in Tesco, we'll buy it :lol:

[Roseyposey]

My DD (6) has 'asked' for one on several occasions but I have explained to her that she is more than enough for me and so wonderful we don't need anyone else.

From my own point of view, I know I would crack up if I had another. Just couldn't face it. Sent DH for snip when DD was a baby.

Yes I say similar, like the four of us (cat included are a great unit and we are really happy - which shes been content with until now)

Yes I kinda feel like this too, after a certain experience raised some "issues". Shame as I had a good first year with her but think another baby might tip me the wrong way.

[S-J]

No, Jack has never asked. Sounds like he is a bit younger than all your LOs though - he is only just 4.

Not sure how Ill answer if/when he does TBH. A tricky one! I think Ill just say we love him to bits and have a lovely family of 3. We do make sure he has friends to play with pretty much every weekend if we can.

My godson has no siblings and he is 8. When asked about it he seems quite happy.

ETA have a :higgies: Roseyposey.

[Roseyposey]

No, Jack has never asked. Sounds like he is a bit younger than all your LOs though - he is only just 4.

Not sure how Ill answer if/when he does TBH. A tricky one! I think Ill just say we love him to bits and have a lovely family of 3. We do make sure he has friends to play with pretty much every weekend if we can.

My godson has no siblings and he is 8. When asked about it he seems quite happy.

DD has a very active social life but the last 10 days have been quiet as she had tummy bug and has been shattered so coming home from preschool and staying at home. I wonder if this is creating a bit of loneliness. Has a playdate tomorrow and friends for tea so this may help..............

I'm wondering from the positive replies on here about how people respond if its something i need to work on about me and come to terms with it, and accept it.

[S-J]

I'm wondering from the positive replies on here about how people respond if its something i need to work on about me and come to terms with it, and accept it. :higgies:

Jack does ask if he can have friends round to play occasionally. I guess thats a similar thing, ie he is lonely. We are fortunate in that I know several people with boys age 4 also with no siblings. So I know they are same as me, and want a playdate for their child.

[Roseyposey]

:higgies:

Jack does ask if he can have friends round to play occasionally. I guess thats a similar thing, ie he is lonely. We are fortunate in that I know several people with boys age 4 also with no siblings. So I know they are same as me, and want a playdate for their child.

THats really nice, I think thats the thing, I don't know anyone around here with an only child, its very 2.4 children land. My best friend has one boy but he's only 9 months, although I know she won't be having any more (they live miles away though....)

[Roseyposey]

Also I do try and explain to DD that even though you have siblings it doesnt mean they will play with you! I had two sisters and we never played together at all!

[ChelseaHarvey]

Yes all the time. Every single month i get asked if we are having a baby & why it is taking so long

Alfie is desperate for a brother/sister & he is the only one in his class as well that is a only child..

He wants someone to play with, he hates coming home after school & always says he has no one to play with. Although the past month or so he has a little boy down our road come up who is in his class

[BellaDonna]

Bella occasionally asks if she can have a sister, but she only wants an older sister. :lol: I have to explain how that isn't actually possible. :happyno:

Most of the time she is happy, but I do feel for her sometimes, especially when one of her friends comes to spend the day with us, and I see how nicely they play together, but of course there are no guarantees of siblings playing nicely together. My sister and I fought like cats and dogs most of the time when we were little. :no:

[moonie]

My DS often asks for a sister. He has a half brother(his dad and GF son) but always asks for a sister to live in our house with us.

I'm single and do the same as PoppyHoney.

[Twistarella]

Nope but she is only 3.5 and she also sees friends with siblings and what they have to put up with!

[Chicky Noops]

Nope, Fin seems to just accept he hasn't got a sibling despite some of his friends having baby bros or sisters. He's 3.5 so I'm sure there'll be a point in future when he questions it. Agree with SJ in that his best friend since birth is and will always be an only child so we do stuff with them each week and they currently live next to us so I guess he has the next best thing (for now, my friend is only renting whilst she has a house built)

[Lemony Posset]

DD will be 4 in July and asks about it fairly often - most of her friends have siblings now, so I guess it is not that surprising. We would like another so I usually say that it would be nice but that it might not happen, and move the conversation onto how wonderful she is and/or how lucky she is to have cousins.

[Roseyposey]

Thank you for your replies, I'm hoping this expression of emotion from her on the subject was due to her being shattered after bug and that its not goingto come up a lot...although obviously I expect it to when she starts school and people ask her.....

I've taken on board what a lot of you have said about asserting the positives, and how special she is/how much we love her and that she has great friends she can play with and lots of cousins.

[stacey86]

DD has started to ask for one lately. :nod:
She even spoke to my friend on the phone, recently, and told her she was playing with her brother Charlie. Charlie is my 8 year old black labrador :lol: :lol:

She often refers to friends at pre school as her brother and sisters. I think it is more so in the fore front of her mind as I have a large family 5 brothers and a sister, so the term brother & sister is thrown around alot at home :sigh:
We haven't really had a major conversation about it yet, I think she is still a little too young but I don't think we are far off tbh.

:higgies:
xx

[choccy eating monster]

My dd is an only child and so far, all she has asked for is "another her" to play with in the house. which I assume is a desire for a sibling. I just gently said I don't want any more children and that our family is a small family and it's just right. I can see that sometimes she gets lonely, and I do feel guilt for her. Not a good enough reason for another kid though, imo.

Personally, the thought of another kid makes me run for the hills and I nearly went mental with this one in the early days and I know I would end up in a psychiatric unit with 2. I suffer with depression and low self esteem so it's a battle to parent one child without passing on my crap to her.

[Hello Kitty]

Yes all the time. Every single month i get asked if we are having a baby & why it is taking so long

Alfie is desperate for a brother/sister & he is the only one in his class as well that is a only child..

He wants someone to play with, he hates coming home after school & always says he has no one to play with. Although the past month or so he has a little boy down our road come up who is in his class

Pretty much the same. I made the stupid mistake of saying that we wanted another baby (not in a horrid way but more in a 'You're fab, we love you so much so we would like more' :doh::doh::doh:)

There are three other children in her class that are onlys but I know she can't understand why she doesn't have a sibling. Initially she used to talk about a baby brother or sister a lot and what she would do but this has lessened off recently. I think you just have to keep telling them that they are all you need and want :nod: :higgies::higgies::higgies:

[DDM]

My DS is 6 and has never asked. He said the other day, quite randomly, that if I had another baby it might keep him awake at night but he's never mentioned it otherwise.

[Hello Kitty]

My DS is 6 and has never asked. He said the other day, quite randomly, that if I had another baby it might keep him awake at night but he's never mentioned it otherwise.

I have mentioned this as one of the downsides to Grace :lol:

[katkinn]

:higgies: (and :higgies: to you for your smear results RP)

If it's any consolation, my DD who has two siblings, can be frequently heard moaning about her brothers and has asked on more than one occasion why we had to get them and it would be much nicer if there was only her :rolleyes:

I think that even at the age of 5, sometimes the grass is always greener!

[Miss P]

Bella occasionally asks if she can have a sister, but she only wants an older sister. :lol: I have to explain how that isn't actually possible. :happyno:

Ahh, but it is, if you listen to my DD's reasoning. When my friend had her over for a playdate recently DD apparently told her that she and I were going to "the orphanage" to find a sister or brother so she wouldn't be on her own any more :sigh: (she'd read about the orphanage in Stuart Little)

As I'm a single mum and mid-40s (:faint:) the chances of a sibling for DD are almost zero. Initially I explained the whole age/no man/"she is all I want" reasons to her but when she kept asking I told her that she was being quite hurtful by keeping on about it as there really is not a lot I can realistically do about it :cry: She seems to have got the message, for now anyway :-(

I do organise regular playdates for her, she goes to a CM three times a week after school so is hardly a lonely child stuck at home but I know she does still feel it times :sigh:

I would love to have another baby, for me and also for her but it is very, very unlikely that that will ever happen.

Sorry for the out-pouring but it's a subject quite close to my heart. Hope your DD is more accepting of the situation.

[Franny]

We have a big age gap and R started asking around 3. TBH, I think it is just something they do. And they aren't necessarily satisfied once they've got the sibling either! R wanted a sister, not a brother and he's too young atm to properly play with her. R also says I have to have another baby and it's got to be a girl and one more boy for J. In fact, she once said I have to have 6. I remember pestering my mum until I was about 17. I hated being the youngest and wanted to be a big sister.