View Full Version : Please please help. Am feeling so down.
Hi, please help... I am in tears as i write this....
Charlie is 13 and a half weeks old.
Little man has always done ok on the sleep front. He has a bath and bed at 7pm, was waking at 3.30/4 for a feed and straight back down til 6.30/7. We gave him a dummy to settle. I thought this was great and began to feel a bit more human. He was doing this from about 8 weeks.
He started going down ok for his naps, too, and has 3, with his dummy, in his cot.
Everyone says that when ure baby turns 12 weeks things get easier. Things have gone from bad to worse for us and I just don't know where to turn.
He istarted waking loads in the night. Last night was 10, 11.30, 12.30 and 1.30. Then 4, 5 etc. Course, I put his dummy in and he goes off..... He is not hungry cos I've tried that, he took a good feed at 4 tho.
What the hell do I do?????? My dh and I have talked about it endlessly and left llittle man to cry for 20mins this morning. He was in such a state. It was so awful. But I just don't know what else to do. Are we going to have to do controlled crying? Is it too early? Can we wean him off the dummy somehow? Shhh pat doesn'nt seem to affect him.
Am suffering from pnd so that's not helping and I don't post on the 3-6 month thread anymore cos I feel like everyone else is doing so much better than me. I feel like I just can't go on. Has anyone got any suggestions?
I had the same issue with the dummy, I thought about weaning her off it but decided not to and although she had me up 7-8 times a night, it lasted for about 2 weeks and then she seemed to get over it. I kept the dummy on one of those saver straps clipped to her and she learnt to find it again on her own.
Its very tough, I feel for you. You can wean him off the dummy altogether, if you are going to do this the recommendation to me was to go cold turkey and put up with the waking which should only last up to a week.
They do seem to go through these phases and they are just that normally 'phases'.
Hugs to you fangol, the worst thing is feeling like everyone else is coping and doing fine when you re not. :hug: It could just be that elusive 14-16 weeks unsettled period some babies have. I was told about this at Parentcraft classes, it was the reason lots of mums used to start early weaning because they mistook it for hunger. It will pass I promise you, don't feel like a failure. I presume it is just the dummy falling out that wakens him? I don't have experience with dummies I'm afraid - maybe he will learn to find it himself? Or it could be the moro reflex when their arms flail out just as they drift off to sleep - that peaks at around 4 months age too. In that case you could try swaddling him? I wish I could help more hunny, please take care xxx
It could just be that elusive 14-16 weeks unsettled period some babies have. I was told about this at Parentcraft classes, it was the reason lots of mums used to start early weaning because they mistook it for hunger.
That's interesting, wish I knew about that before, Sol has been the same recently!
Nicky, have emailed you chick. No real advice on the dummy/sleeping thing as we're still having daytime problems too, but we stopped giving Sol his dummy at night a few weeks ago, and just leave him to cry in the night unless he's hungry. He generally stops after 5 minutes and goes back to sleep. xxxx.
I hope you don't mind me posting even tho I'm not a mummy. My friend had this exact problem so I thought I'd tell you about it. Her wee boy was doing exactly the same-waking up every hour because his dummy had fallen out and he couldn't reach it, or didn't know to look for it. She decided the only way to combat the problem was to wean him off the dummy. Try it just at night at first. During the day you will be awake and able to pop it back in for him but during the night try not to give it too him. It might mean that you have to do controlled crying for a bit and just leave him to it but eventually he'll ware himself out.
I think it's probably best at this stage because he's still young enough to know that somethings going on but not really realise- if you see what I mean. He hasn't got attached to the dummy as an object/play thing just knows that he likes the feeling of sucking on it. Good luck hun and I hope that you're feeling better about things soon.
I hope that at least some of that made sense!!
Mine didn't have a dummy, but I also found that the miraculous "12 weeks" thing didn't happen at 12 weeks. It was nearer 14 weeks or 16 weeks for us with Helena and all our NCT group were saying "phew" and "isn't it all much better now!" and I was feeling like DEATH because it was still very rough for us. But it did get better somewhere between 14 and 16 weeks.
Don't know if that helps at all in a light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel sort of way. :higgies:
if I'm honest, I seem to have had a 'bad stage' every few months for one reason or another. We stopped the dummy for this reason and hoped perhaps she'd even find her thumb, but she didn't. We didn't even get to START the dummy until a few weeks before this because she didn't want it at all the first few months - so we were late to it!!!!
Then the miracle blanket for swaddlign from mothercare worked wonders for us for quite a while, got us through another few weeks until we combated a 'new' problem. We upped her from stage 1 aptimil to stage 2 aptimel for the last night feed and this also worked for 'another' stage :rolleyes:
I felt I was the ONLY person who had a baby that was such a nightmare as mine. My IRL friends who'd recently had babies were encountering NONE of these problems and I was absolutely beyond shattered and suffering from PND too :cry:
I can only tell you, that 'somehow' you DO make it through each stage and if I'm honest it can prepare you for some of the future problems you encounter like teething - you'll be "been there, seen it done it, bought the toothbrush' :lol: believe me. You'll alos probably end up getting really quite good at reading your baby because you'll be paying that much extra close attention.
It's so hard when everything leads you to believe that 'somethign else' should be happening at that point, but it's simply not true - what you are experiencing is happening a LOT to other people and is really quite normal in many many households.
Not a great reassurance, but hopefully it will be good to know that I made it through this far and I NEVER thought I would :happyno:
Quick post, but just to say that Theo had that sort of period too.
He had turned into a good baby, sleepwise, and then it chnged again.
Waking at 11pm, 1am,3am, 5am etc etc, and Iwas at my wits end.
But really there was no reason for it, and we just had to stick it out, and it soon passed.
Yeah it was zombie like, but one day it's over.
I even bought Gina fords complete guide to sleep, ut that very night, when I'd read the book, he started sleeping again.
Random things babies!
i got so stressed out by the baby whisperer book at one point (thinking Kaede should be doing everything in it - and why not) that hubbie ripped it up and threw it in the bin :rolleyes:
It took me a long long while to realise that they just don't all do what people tell you they ought to be doing :no:
Great advice here, thanks! How are you Fangol?
Hope you're feeling a bit better Fangol, :higgies:
I also found sleeping got worse around this period. HV said it was a growth spurt. I don't know how you're feeding but if it's bottle, maybe go up to the thicker milk? If it's breast, you're supposed to hang in there and let your milk catch up.
I didn't personally get the revelation at 3 mths either, although it was slightly easier. I'd say it was more like 4 but, even then, I didn't find it lovely really until R was 6 mths and I continued to find her lovely until she started crawling. :wink: She never slept well, though.
Just heard from Fangol and she's fine!:smile:
Thank you so so much for posting everyone. I really appreciate it, even tho I didn't post back.
So things are a bit better for us. We have introduced a dream feed at 10.30 with the idea that he goes through til 6.30/7 . He seems to be getting there and went until 6.15 this morning! I was so pleased and things don't seem quite so bleak. I still wonder if we had left it and just fed on demand until things had settled down.... cos mrs b, he was following the same pattern as sol and sol is sleeping through sometimes isn't he? ho hum, its hard to know what to do..... at least he isn't waking all the time!!!!
Fangol - hope it was just a growth spurt or something. Please don't stop posting cos it looks like everyone else is doing better or anything - sure everyone is up and down a lot. I remember with E crying a lot when she was 4 months or so. Thanks for reminding me that S must be due her growth spurt too!
Hope things settle for you and it gets easier day by day. Sometimes there is no right answer to these things, just go with what you think.
Hi Fangol!:wave: Nice to see you back!
Sol is now sleeping through more often than not, but seems to have the knack of waking up for a night feed when it's my turn to get up.:rolleyes: We still don't do a 10.30 or dreamfeed, as most of my friends and a lot of you lot do, but can't bear to wake a sleeping baby (best tip from Az!) and he won't feed in his sleep. I just make sure he gets as much milk as possible during the day. Glad things are better for you!
just to echo az, please dont stop posting in the 3-6 months thread. if no-one posts any problems then no-one will feel like they can! i know marti has had some big sleep problems recently for one ...
and gawd knows I am queen I- had- no- sleep- for- a -year with dd1 - I survived - just and can emphatically say it is nothing you are doing/not doing! empathise big time
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