Adoption and fostering?

[Mad Madam Mim]

I've been thinking about this recently, not in the sense that I am about to do it, but I have wondered if I was unable to have children and could afford to would I be prepared to care for another child who might need my love and family atmosphere despite the fact they weren't my own.

Would you adopt? If so what age would you consider? What about more special needs (emotional, physical)?

What about fostering? Bearing in mind that you could become attached to a child and that child may leave you - do you think you would be strong enough for that?

I would consider adopting an older child (becasue I think they need homes more than the babies) from the age of 3 to about 13 I think. Not sure why I have that cut off age but it could be becasue I recall being a difficult teen. It's not something we could really afford though, money being very tight with the one I have.

I don't think I could stomach fostering as I feel I would be too over-emotional when it came to letting go.

What about you?

[bisy backson]

you know i was just thinking about this today, there was an article in the local 'news' paper about the mum of the year who had six boys - 3 of her own and 3 fostered and i was wondering if i could.

mr backson said he wouldn't consider it if we couldn't have our own children, but i think i would.

it would be a selfish thing of wanting to have children with me, with a secondary desire to help, but i certainly think i could love another child as my own.

not sure if i could cope with fostering difficult children, or those with special needs though, don't think i'm altrusitic enough for that.

bbxx

[Adelelee]

After our second IVF failed I was adamant that I could not do it again, I just did not have the strength or heart to carry on. In the August we started looking into Adoption.

We had a meeting with a Social Worker and attended a presention, it was quite heart-renching as they "advertise" children waiting for adoption :-( :-(

We said we would like to adopt 2 siblings, aged 0-5, we were told that there was probably about an 12-18 month waiting list before our application would be started and then it would take about 12 months.

In the October/November I finally decided to give IVF one last shot, this started in the February 2004 and obviously the wonderful result was my darling Eliza Tizer. The day after I found out I was pregnant the Social Worker called me to start our application :shock: :shock:

But because I was pregnant she said she could not process it, which I totally understood.

Just before Christmas we were talking about a sibling for Eliza and we did touch again on the possibility of adopting, I was again not sure if I could put myself through the hell of IVF, obviously we were unaware that I was actually pregnant!!!!!

So in answer to your question, yes without a doubt I would adopt. I truely believe that a child does not have to be blood for you to love and adore it.

[Mad Madam Mim]

We had a meeting with a Social Worker and attended a presention, it was quite heart-renching as they "advertise" children waiting for adoption :-( :-(



That is so sad, the advertising. Adele I found your story very touching and I'm so glad you are pregnant again :clap: without IVF etc.

It was your kind of story I was thinking of really.

I know I have always considered adoption a possibility if I wasn't able to have children - like you Bisy I would want a child around me, I would want to learn from them and give out the love I had inside me. I know I would be able to love them as my own.

I find the concept of a more special needs child daunting though and I'm not sure if i would be strong enough to do that - it would take a very, very special kind of person with a good support network I think.

[Julesb]

I totally agree with Adelelee in the fact that they don't have to be blood to be loved etc.
I lived with my gran for the first 10 years of my life (but that's another story) and she fostered children, both emergency and short/long term fostering.
At her funeral the church was packed out with loads of the babies/children who then as adults had come to pay respects to someone that had loved and cared for them as if they were her own.

[ChelseaHarvey]

I was thinking about the adoption route if i hadnt of been able to have kids

20 months of trying and being told by my GP that i prob wouldnt be able to fall pregnant without fertility treatment or IVF (the adoption idea did come into my head)

I would have def adopted if i hadnt of fallen pregnant naturally, with drugs or with IVF although i would have done it when i was older say start the ball rolling at 27+ i dont think at my age 22 they would even consider me.....

I think that once you had there child in your arms youd get a great amount of love for them especially if you have wanted a child of your own for so long, i though would have wanted a baby say from birth - 6 months if possible i would have liked to bond from a real early age not always the way i no

[Adelelee]

I totally agree with Adelelee in the fact that they don't have to be blood to be loved etc.
I lived with my gran for the first 10 years of my life (but that's another story) and she fostered children, both emergency and short/long term fostering.
At her funeral the church was packed out with loads of the babies/children who then as adults had come to pay respects to someone that had loved and cared for them as if they were her own.

Gosh this has just made me cry, what a wonderful lady your gran sounds, I bet she made a huge impact on a lot of lives, so :clap: :clap: to her

[Julesb]

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry.
She really was a sweetheart, but i'm obviously very biased.

I still miss her everyday and my one big regret is that she never met my LO, although she would of done my head in with all her tips/advice :)

[Mad Madam Mim]

She sounds wonderful Jules

[Hello Kitty]

Ah more than one Jules here now, that's confusing :)

Well as some people who know me already know I am adopted as are two of my siblings (all of us from different families). My younger brother is my parent's natural child.
I have to say I wouldn't hesitate to adopt but would be a little concerned as I have had such a positive experience and maybe am looking at the whole situation through rose tinted glasses. What I do know is that you can grow to love family very much even if they are physically not your own. My family couldn't be closer and we get on very well. I am also in touch with my biological family (my 'mother' and three siblings). As I haven't grown up with them then they just feel like an aunty and cousins to me although it has been interesting having an insight into various things. Like MMM I am not sure about fostering as I couldn't bear the heartache of becoming attached to a child and then them leaving, and if they were going back to a horrible situation I would break my heart.
What does annoy me is that the media focus very much on adoption and fostering when it goes wrong and rarely look at the good cases (but I suppose that wouldn't be so interesting)

[RedTiger]

I know 3 couples who have adopted - my cousin has adopted 2, after about 12 years of trying for their own, going through many IVF cycles she only fell pg once and sadly miscarried so they went down the adoption route. Their first was a baby when they got him (about 3 months old), their second was around 2 and was much more difficult to settle. Now though you don't even think of them as not being my cousins 'own' kids - they are family, just as much as any natural children would have been.

On the flip side my friend adopted a little boy - around 18 mths when they got him - and they've had a lot of problems adjusting (they already had 1 daughter of their own). Sadly my friend and her husband split up and this was mainly down to the adoption.

I think I would adopt, but couldn't see myself fostering - as you say MMM I would expect you would get attached to the child and it would be difficult to see them go.

[cheeky_biscuit]

My brother & his wife couldn't have children, social services messed them about a lot and it took years, then they finally adopted a little boy. He was 7 when they adopted him as part of an "open adoption". (He'll be 21 this summer). I think (well hope) social services has changed a lot since then, he has 3 brothers and used to see them & his mum twice a year until he was 16 and he then had the choice (he chose not to see them again). He was the youngest, his mum wanted a girl and treated him very badly. He kept getting fostered short term then they'd try to rehabilitate him with his natural mum. This went on until he was 6 when they finally realised she would never accept him. TBH I think it was too late - he is very much part of our family, but I just feel he would have so much better start in life if he'd been adopted younger. He has mild learning problems and to a small extent social problems, however he does lead a "normal" life.
My parents fostered - respite (so just a weekend/week) and one lad for a couple of years. They fostered teenagers, fromwhen I was about 16 until 21, when my mum's health couldn't really keep up with the commitment IYSWIM. There were so many sad stories were heard, these kids just desperately wanted love and attention. And in some cases, they'd have been better off being adopted as babies instead of passed from pillar to post in the hope of rehabilitation with their parents.
Sorry for the HUGE ramble, if you've read all that, well done & thank-you!
PErsonally, I wouldn't adopt or foster :oops: at this time, but I'd never say never.

[Pancake01]

I take my hat off to anyone who adopts or fosters - parenthood is hard enough 'naturally' without going through social services etc.

Since I had a baby, I have often thought that I would like to do short term fostering. When I see things on the news about children being suddenly orphaned, or newborn babies being left somewhere, I would like to think that I could give them a stable few nights and would know how to comfort and nourish them. I don't think I could do long term fostering though - I'm sure it breaks your heart when they leave.