Belinda Oaten on This Morning talking about her DH's affair

[katkinn]

or one night stand (two nights/affair?? not sure) witha rent boy....

She's talking about how she's stood by him after she found out (well the media found out and her husband, Mark Oaten the Lib Dem MP then came clean to her) and is still standing by him and they're putting it all behind them.

Do you think you could????

Apparently he was having a midlife crisis, he was losing his hair which he found v stressful, was dealing with Charles Kennedy's alcoholism and leadership battle etc etc etc so didn't know what to do and ended up with a rent boy. :yeahright:

I have to say that I would hugely struggle if my DH had a one night stand with a woman, with a prostitute I think absolutely not but a rent boy :brainache: :no:

Belinda was sayign that she didn't think it was as bad as an affair as there were no love letters, or true feelings etc which I GUESS I can see, but still - go out and get absolutely pissed, go and buy a new car, etc etc but to have a fling with a rent boy :doh:

Could you forgive your DH if he did that?

I'm not saying that I wouldn't as I do truly believe it's absolutely impossible to know how you'd react until it did (god forbid) happen to you. But I have to say that just thinking about it now, I would have to say that my gut reaction would be NO FECKING WAY.

katkinn
xxx

[Mad Madam Mim]

Like you say at the end there it's hard to know how I would react but at first guess in much the same way as any affair whether love/loveless/casual/one night/free or paid for it would affect my trust of that person. I'm not sure (knowing the kind of person I am) I would be able to sustain a relationship with them without driving myself to distraction wondering if they are stressed enough to go cottaging down the local park tonight or not.

So best guess is probably not.

[Nat]

No.

Ok, midlife crisis, trouble at work, uber amounts of stress etc etc etc, maybe just maybe I could stand by / forgive a one night indiscretion with another woman... but with another man ??? No.

I would feel the betrayal lay deeper (as in they wanted to have a same sex liason, and I had no clue of their desires/sexual orientation anymore) I would feel the same if I were gay, and my partner had a heterosexual encounter.. (Do you see what Im getting at ?)

I just think I would start to question if I knew my partner/husband AT ALL, and that would damage the solidity of our relationship beyond repait (imo)

ETA - I do find it SO hard to swallow that women come up with EXCUSES for betrayal too... Ooh, he was stressed, oh, his hair was falling out. Look love, Im stressed, My hair is falling out (post baby) and Im not shagging a freaking prostitute am I ?? FFS !

[Cherrypie]

I don't think I could forgive any sort of infedelity tbh - and NO FECKING WAY (as you say, Kat!) could I forgive a dalliance with a rent boy.

To me, infedelity within a marriage is the ultimate betrayal. I'd never be able to trust him again.

But that's just my view, within my marriage IYSWIM.

[DillyDally]

Apparently he was having a midlife crisis, he was losing his hair which he found v stressful, was dealing with Charles Kennedy's alcoholism and leadership battle etc etc etc so didn't know what to do and ended up with a rent boy. :yeahright:
go and buy a new car, etc etc but to have a fling with a rent boy :doh:



I saw this, and I was thinking, when she said the above "As you do - NOT :no::yeahright:"

I would find it difficult if my OH had an affair with a woman, let alone a prostitute, let alone a rent boy!!

[L66TTY]

Hmm thats odd for some reason I could forgive a fling with a rent boy far easier than a prostitute I wouldn't feel like I was competing with a younger prettier model.

Maybe next time I'd ask to join in??? OK that is a bit of a joke! However I would find it easier to forgive?!

I beleive a marriage is for life and that I wouldn't give up on it because I was cheated on depending on the cheating if it was a one of fling I could forgive it (and have in the past with another bf) however if it was a full on affiar that might be harder. I was just before I met my hubby cheated on and dumped now that hurt lots but if he had said whopps I regert it probably like a smuck I'd of taken him back eventually! Glad I didn't though otherwise I would never have met my hubby!

[book_lover]

I think, because it is with a man, that I would find it impossible to shake the feeling that my DH is actually a closet homosexual, tbh. I don't know how he could convince me otherwise either.......... at least if it were another woman, there would be a lot of hurt and trust issues but no doubt about whether or not he was swinging in my direction, iyswim.....

xxx

[Mad Madam Mim]

Yes I think paying a rent boy would cause you to question sexual orientation - this isn't something you want to be stressing about day in, day out.

Nat completely agree with you regarding the excuses but I bet there are plenty of men out there excusing women on all sorts of flimsy rationale too.

[Vickytoria]

I just couldnt forgive if it was a man or a woman, a man would be worse because it would make you question your whole relationship.

[redhed]

I think it must be even worse for her actually - because on top of all the "he shagged someone else" & "he prefers men" thoughts - she must also be thinking "he's only staying with me for the sake of his career".

And then she has to get up on her hind legs and perform on daytime telly. I would never, never marry a politician.

[Teresa]

Like you said, I wouldn't know how I would deal with it unless it happened.

I really don't think I could forgive any kind of infidelity and a fling with a rent boy would be even worse for me than a fling with another woman.

[Julesb]

No trust in a relationship = No relationship for me and as for all this "midlife crisis" b*ll*cks :yeahright:

[katkinn]

I think it must be even worse for her actually

oh god absolutely - to have to all the questions that a "normal" woman would have about this feelings towards her, his sexuality full stop (I too would probably find this MOST difficult to deal with), why has he come back etc, SHE then has to consider the possibility that it's for his career.

And go through the unbelieveably humiliating experience (as I'm sorry but what she did this morning was humiliating - I so so so felt for her :cry: ) of reliving it all on live morning tv. :faint:

She deserves a sainthood (or maybe a stupidityhood...... :scratchchin: )

[Lois Lane]

So what if they are going grey as opposed to going bald?? What does that excuse?????:scratchchin:

[One Sock]

I agree with Katkinn in that I wouldn't really know how I'd react unless it was actually happening, but my gut feeling would also be absolutely NO WAY.

As others have said it would be a double blow as not only would I feel the betrayal of an affair/one night stand, but I'd just feel that I had no idea who my partner was anymore. The fact that it was with another man would really, really bother me as I like to think I know my partner inside out and therefore know his sexual tastes and orientation. Even if I were able to forgive him, I don't think our relationship could survive it.

If I were this poor woman there is no bloody way I would go on TV about it. I'd try and preserve what dignity I had left and keep my head down! I certainly wouldn't bother trying to justify the whole sordid situation by blaming male pattern baldness.

[Twistarella]

Maybe I could forgive, especially if we had 20-odd years of marriage behind us.

But I certainly wouldn't let his willy anywhere near me after it had been up another man's bum-bum.

[katkinn]

But I certainly wouldn't let his willy anywhere near me after it had been up another man's bum-bum.

:teehee:

[gillyf]

i fail to see how losing your hair makes you want to sleep with .someone of the same sex. And if she thinks he won't do it again she's a fool. People do not just suddenly decide to sleep with someone of the same sex. If it was just a crisis surely he would want to prove his virility with another women.

I feel so sorry for her.