What do you do when you want a baby and your partner doesnt?

[Danna]

Hmmmmm.

This isn't as dramatic as the title suggests to be honest.

I want another baby already. I have always wanted a large family (I am the eldest of 9 girls) but Danny has always been happy having 2 or 3 kids. Now I want another one and he says no, he doesn't want to try until the baby is 2, if at all.

I joke about the fact that he "made" me go get the coil fitted because he couldn't trust me to take the pill but its true - I probably would have had an "accident" if birth control was down to me. What if he doesn't ever want another baby? I know I have two beautiful babies which is a dream come true after being told we wouldnt get pregnant without treatment, but now we've started I dont want to stop.

Humpf. NRR really - just venting and seeing if anyone else has disagreed with when to try for another baby.

[Miss Frosty]

No advice hun but will watch with interest :wink: .

My DH was happy after Blair was born and was sure he didn't want anymore. I explained that I really didn't want an only child so we agreed and Robbie is now here :lurve: .

I had a miscarriage :cry: last June, which wasn't a planned pregnancy if I am honest :oops: but we were both gutted all the same :cry: .

I am now desperate for another and my DH is soooo not interested :no: and it breaks my heart :cry: . I think , if I got pregnant he would be thrilled but i don't really feel :happyno: like I could do that without his say so :rolleyes:

Tis very hard atm

[L66TTY]

Know your pain, I want 4, DH wanted 1, we have 2. I'll be very honest and say I really want to try and have a little girl so be it if its not meant to be and I have another little man. I do really want to do the whole giving birth thing another shot I feel very cheated out of it with DS2 (Emergency CS) I also don't want DS2 pregnancy to have been my last as DS1 was so small I didn't get much time to revel in the wonderful thing that pregnancy is.

My heart aches a lot for the children I don't yet have and look likely not to ever have.

[Miss Frosty]

Is it just me :puzzled: or does everyone else find it strange that it is generally the men that don't want any more children when they really don't do that much to get them here :teehee:

[ms sweetcheeks]

Is it just me :puzzled: or does everyone else find it strange that it is generally the men that don't want any more children when they really don't do that much to get them here :teehee:
Yes but the more kids the more pressure on the man to support and bring in more money.
I reckon that is part of the reason:scratchchin:

[donna-j]

I have found that both times I have been very broody until my babies have been about 10 months. Maybe give it until your wee man is a year until you see if the hormones wear off a bit?

My Oh was determined we would have no more and I couldn't even contemplate that without crying. Now I have gotten over it and feel two is enough - typically he is now saying 'never say never' ...

[suemarie]

Yes but the more kids the more pressure on the man to support and bring in more money.
I reckon that is part of the reason:scratchchin:


Totally agree :nod: When I had Lucy I gave up working to raise our child & Dh carried on working & providing for us. We are now a wage down & as such have had to tighten the purse strings on certain things so its really DH's final decision if he wants another child.

[ms sweetcheeks]

Totally agree :nod: When I had Lucy I gave up working to raise our child & Dh carried on working & providing for us. We are now a wage down & as such have had to tighten the purse strings on certain things so its really DH's final decision if he wants another child.

ATM my d/h is keen one 1 more, but I reckon if after that I wanted a 3rd (I doubt it) he would really go :happyno: as the pressure would be on him to provide for all of us- food, nappies, mortgage, clothes, car etc etc etc for 3 kids and 2 adults is quite a lot!

Mine has already said he always feels under pressure, and when I ask why, he says "To provide for you and T, and to make sure you never go without, etc..."..
So if mine feel like that when I am working Fulltime, how will he feel when/if I don't work???

[Danna]

Hmmm. Good point Frosty! Both of mine are bad sleepers - Mae still wakes 2+ times per night and baby Danny doesn't know the meaning of 4 hourly feeding and shows no signs of getting the hang of that! I think thats why Danny isn't too happy about trying for another yet. He says "dont you miss sleeping?" and I just dont!!! I am handling it quite well - have bad days like anyone would but 9 times out of 10 I am coping very well and revel in the busyness of life. I have found what I am good at - being a mum. I just want it to carry on for a bit longer thats all...

[Angel]

I'd love love love another and we're still not ruling another one out.

BUT

I nearly died giving birth to Jacob and he nearly died a week after he was born.

DH said he can't risk losing me when we've got two perfect little boys already. But, I just don't feel done yet.

[Miss Frosty]

Aww Angel :higgies:

I know that part of DH's reason for not having any more is that i had a such a hard pregnancy with DS2 and then went on to have PND so he feels he can't go through that again :cry: but I just don't feel I am finished yet :doh: .

Don't get me wrong, I am not holding out for a girl as I am soooo not :happyno: . I would love another baby not a *girl* tbh and if I was to have another little boy that would make me so :lurve: . I just don't feel I am finished yet :happyno: .

[Monkey Chops]

We're the same, I want another one and DH says no way. He said that after Jack too but I managed to talk him round that time, not so sure I can do it again though. He is humouring me for now and letting me pack away the baby stuff for next time so there may be some hope yet.

[Florence]

Aww Angel :higgies:

I know that part of DH's reason for not having any more is that i had a such a hard pregnancy with DS2 and then went on to have PND so he feels he can't go through that again :cry: but I just don't feel I am finished yet :doh: .

Don't get me wrong, I am not holding out for a girl as I am soooo not :happyno: . I would love another baby not a *girl* tbh and if I was to have another little boy that would make me so :lurve: . I just don't feel I am finished yet :happyno: .

I felt like that with my 2 so we agreed to have another one. I may feel differently when this one arrives but I still feel as though this shouldn't be my last pregnancy. :no: Unless we come into some money I can't see DH wanting to do this again though.

I know that money is the deciding factor with him and he does get quite stressed being the main breadwinner. I do work too (childmind part time and do some admin for my Dad 1 morning a week) so at least it is not his sole responsibility, but I do feel like I'd be putting on him if I said about having another one in 18 months time.

[Miss Frosty]

I felt like that with my 2 so we agreed to have another one. I may feel differently when this one arrives but I still feel as though this shouldn't be my last pregnancy. :no: Unless we come into some money I can't see DH wanting to do this again though.

I know that money is the deciding factor with him and he does get quite stressed being the main breadwinner. I do work too (childmind part time and do some admin for my Dad 1 morning a week) so at least it is not his sole responsibility, but I do feel like I'd be putting on him if I said about having another one in 18 months time.


Huge :higgies:

I know that I would love another one and as far as DH is concerned, it has nothing to do with money :oops: .

We are really lucky in that DH 's job lets me be a SAHM and I :lurve: it and if we were to have another it wouldn't make a huge difference to our day to day life .

[parkejm]

I'm in the same boat, I want at least one more but DH is :brainache: at the thought. It scares him on many levels - I will prob be ill again during any pregnancy and it's hard for him to see that, he's scared of another pg 'going wrong', he doesn't know how families wit more than one child 'work' (we are both only children), he's scared about how we will manage financially, he's worried he will not love another child as much as he loves Oscar, he's worreid he has't enough time for his family as he commutes 5hrs a day etc etc etc.

I know that all these are issues and I don't have answers fo te, and I also find them slightly worrying but I can't help the feeling that I want a bigger family.

I don't know how we'll move on from here.

[Legolas]

Id love a 3rd. Id love to be trying right now and I know DH wants another...but hes being stupidly sensible and insisting we cant afford it/ dont have the room etc etc. Plus Belles sleeping is awful and he also comments about that - not that its bloody him sleeping on the floor in her room through!!! Im working on him though and fingers crossed might get through to him in the next year:lol:

[S-J]

I'm in the same boat, I want at least one more but DH is :brainache: at the thought.
I always wanted a 4 - 4.5 year age gap though, so Ill be talking to DH come September time and will take it from there...

[*SarahR*]

We're the same, I want another one and DH says no way. He said that after Jack too but I managed to talk him round that time, not so sure I can do it again though. He is humouring me for now and letting me pack away the baby stuff for next time so there may be some hope yet.

This is just like us :nod: . I just don't feel that I am done yet, but I am not so sure I can talk DH around tbh. My bestest friend is due any time now with her first baby and DH is trying to convince me to pass on as much baby stuff as possible. I am resisting though!

It is very hard though I agree. How do you compromise?

[Luckyclucky]

DH listed all the time/money/'what if.....' worries too, but I told him that if we had another baby we'd manage and he'd love him/her as much as the others and not regret it once the baby was here, but if we didn't then I'd be sad forever :no: :cry: because that is truly how I felt, 2 was just not 'right' for me.
I wasn't trying to emotionally blackmail him but I felt that my desire for another baby was stronger than his desire *not* to have one. And I'd always said I wanted 4 (we're on 3 at the moment) so it's not like he wasn't forewarned :tongue:

Then I sent him on holiday with his friends for a week and he came back full of "I love you" and "I miss you" and "If you really want another baby we'll have one" :cheer2:
I did have to agree to do ALL the nappies though and he has made me stick to that, but it's a small price to pay :lol:

The poor bloke thought I was selflessly sending him off for a lovely peaceful weeks holiday, little realising I had an ulterior motive :bwahaha:

:wink:
LC

[parkejm]

DH listed all the time/money/'what if.....' worries too, but I told him that if we had another baby we'd manage and he'd love him/her as much as the others and not regret it once the baby was here, but if we didn't then I'd be sad forever :no: :cry: because that is truly how I felt, 2 was just not 'right' for me.



DH also knows that I feel like that about it, but he said he just needs to get his head in the right place. It's not emotional blackmail, it's being honest but it still makes me feel bad.

[S-J]

I felt that my desire for another baby was stronger than his desire *not* to have one. How true of me and my DH lucky. In fact Im going to remember that quote and use it on him! :lol:

[Blonde Girl]

I'd love love love another and we're still not ruling another one out.

BUT

I nearly died giving birth to Jacob and he nearly died a week after he was born.

DH said he can't risk losing me when we've got two perfect little boys already. But, I just don't feel done yet.

:higgies: Angel.

I feel similar, I would dearly love another baby and at first OH was very keen too, but now Tom is here safely he is a bit :no: about it now as, like your OH, he feels that we have two perfect little boys here already - why risk spoiling that :shrug:

I can see his point, but like you don't feel 'done' yet :no:

If I could guarantee a smooth pregnancy and labour and a live baby at the end of it I think we would both say yes.

[Miss Frosty]

like your OH, he feels that we have two perfect little boys here already - why risk spoiling that :shrug:

I can see his point, but like you don't feel 'done' yet :no:


This is how my DH feels and as much as I feel a little the same, for me I was the one who had a difficult pregnancy with Robbie and if I am the one willing to have another, why shouldn't he :rolleyes: . I think tbh after my miscarriage last year I *yearn* for another baby and I can't seem to shake it off :cry: .

Now that we have a new car ordered that will easily take three seats in the back, I am hoping that he will change his mind :thumb: