Do you shout at your children?

[katkinn]

This is something that I swore I would never do - but berluddy hell, can I holler at Hettie. :oops: Sometimes she just drives me NUTS (and it's usually when we're out and about too - I normally don't yell at her tbh - but only cos I'm too embarrassed. I tend to then revert to severe telling off between gritted teeth with a firm grasp round the top of her arm, after having dragged her back twenty paces :oops: ) and just WILL NOT LISTEN.

Mind you - she doesn't remotely listen to me when I do (funny that) but I still can't stop myself doing it (oh sweet jaysus am I turning into my mother :shock: )

And the other thing that I find myself saying to her through gritted teeth is "do you want a smack?" or "don't make me smack you" :shock: WTF??? I've never ever hit her or raised my hand to her or been tempted to tap the back of her hand or anything and never ever will. But it's just an automatic phrase that comes out (well it has a couple of times when she's been lying on the floor kicking and screaming of a shop as she doesn't want to go in x direction ) which I MUST stop doing!!!

BUT we were talkign about this in our NCT group a week or so ago and two of the girls looked really shocked when a couple of us admitted to SCREECHING at our kids and said they NEVER EVER shouted at them, and never ever would :shock:

(mind you, these are people who won't let their children watch tv, don't have Sky tv :shock: , only have portable tv's in their lounges :shock: , and only have wooden toys rather than those "vile noisy" v tech ones :laff: :laff:

So are they in the norm - are there lots of people out there who have such even temperaments that they never raise their voices to their children (they maintain that they just change the tone of their voices and their children listen - personally I've never seen a lot of evidence of their children behaving any better than Hettie - worse tbh) I appreciate that this is probably the *right* way to go about it, but in reality - do most people do this and never lose their rag???

btw - fair enough if this is the case - I do have a really volatile temper, I know that!!! ALL respect to those who never lose it!!!! I am v much in envy of you!!!!
katkinn
xxxx

[BJMac]

(mind you, these are people who won't let their children watch tv, don't have Sky tv :shock: , only have portable tv's in their lounges :shock: , and only have wooden toys rather than those "vile noisy" v tech ones :laff: :laff:


Well, they are obviously a very different breed from the majority of us then :laff:

I have, a few times, when Dixie has just been whinging/screeching non stop shouted "WTF are you crying for?????????????????" and then cried myself because I felt so awful for shouting at her :oops:

[Cherrylips]

I do. Or rather I have done a fair bit since Jay was born.

Tash can be quite the madam when she wants to be and tends to ignore me at times too. She soon comes running when I scream at her though. I hate myself for it afterwards, but the change in tone of voice certainly works.

I too have found myself saying ''do you want a smack young lady'' :oops: Though like you - have never and hope I do never come to actually doing it.
I also say Im gonna put her to bed, and she hates it when I say that and usually starts behaving then.

[curvyfairy]

(mind you, these are people who won't let their children watch tv, don't have Sky tv :shock: , only have portable tv's in their lounges :shock: , and only have wooden toys rather than those "vile noisy" v tech ones :laff: :laff:


Well, they are obviously a very different breed from the majority of us then :laff:

I have, a few times, when Dixie has just been whinging/screeching non stop shouted "WTF are you crying for?????????????????" and then cried myself because I felt so awful for shouting at her :oops:

Same here Elora my 4 year old drives me mad whinging for no reason :doh: and i always feel awful later on. I've never smacked her and never will

Carriexx

[Abbie]

I shout a bit.

It was something I always swore I wouldn't do as well, but it's something I've found myself doing more and more the older she's got.

She's developed this tone to her whineing lately and it drives me insane.

I always feel instantly guilty though

[Blonde Girl]

No never - I can quite honestly say I have never ever felt the need to shout at Dan. He is such a perfectly well behaved boy and my parenting is so amazing that I have never wanted or needed to.










































Yeah right :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff:

Sadly I shout at him sometimes - normally when I am just at the very end of ny tether - i.e. when iti s2am and he thinks it isplaytime not sleeptime.

[Matilde]

Well, i've 'fessed this up before so I'm not going to deny I do occassionally :oops: :oops: :oops:

I always feel hideous about it though.

Last time today.

"I've told you 10 times not to go upstairs on your own!" She fell on her mouth and hurt herself. The second she was down she tried to go up again.

To be honest I only shout for my own benefit as it helps me release frustration and tension when I am at the end of my tether, but it doesn't work one bit.

Oh and i must be a hybrid. I HATE vtech plastic toys with a passion and yet, we have mostly wood in this household, but the telly is on a lot.

I feel lonely in the house without it :oops:

[racqy-rooster]

Yeap I shout at Ellis, and his usual reaction is to laugh :roll:, so you can see it works.

If he is playing up badly he usually goes to the naughty step. I even ask him if he wants to go and he usually says yes! :laff:

I am not a tolerant person, and I cannot just ignore him, so shouting usually makes me feel in control, but as you can tell I am not :laff:

[Annie Goolahey]

(mind you, these are people who, don't have Sky tv :shock:


I dont have Sky TV...doesnt stop me hollering like a fishwife when i need to

[Lois Lane]

Does the Pope sh*t in the woods???????

Of course I shout. I am better now than I used to be but when she was really small and I was ill I would be hollering at her on an hourly basis. :oops: Now it's usually when I'm frustrated with her either a)whinging for no reason or b) when she's told me NO/slapped me/kicked me (any of the above) for the umpteenth time.

[katkinn]

I dont have Sky TV...doesnt stop me hollering like a fishwife when i need to

ah but do you not have it as you think it's the work of Satan and that all children's tv numbs their brains? Actually it's not so much their disapproval of Sky, but their lack of addiction to the tv which amazes me!! :shock:

What on earth do they do in the evenings???!!!! :laff:

[Princess Fiona]

[quote]What on earth do they do in the evenings???!!!! :laff:

Play scrabble i guess!! :laff: :laff:

I am terrible for shouting at Lucy, and tbh i can't remember the last time she did something naughty and i didn't shout at her :oops: it makes me feel awful when i do it and it doesn't stop her being naughty but its a natural reaction to her playing up.

I'd like to stop doing it and DH moans that i'm shouting at her too often but i have a very short temper and little paitence and i don't know how to stop!! My Mum was a real shouter and i used to be terrified of her :-(

[redhed]

I have done this once or twice but stopped because Helena LOVES it. Grins her little head off and giggles. She's not terribly good with social cues and she's genuinely delighted that you're so excited and pleased about something she's done as to shout about it. So it acts as a reinforcer :doh:

[Annie Goolahey]

I dont have Sky TV...doesnt stop me hollering like a fishwife when i need to

ah but do you not have it as you think it's the work of Satan and that all children's tv numbs their brains?


Of course that's the reason....


Nothing to do with the fecking big tree across the road that blocks the signal....honest guv!

Actually living in Irelande Du Norde, I have a stupid amount of channels anyways so I dont actually need it.

[bisy backson]

i'm not really a shouty person so don't tend to shout at splash when he's being 'naughty', more speak firmly with displeasure in my voice and sometimes even exasperation! :shock: :wik:

i did raise my voice when we were camping last weekend, as he kept running off and i am tired and pregnant and was not entirely up to chasing round a campsite after him for 5 days on the trot. of course he didn't take any notice at all...

we also don't have sky tv so that may be where we are going wrong.

bbxx

[shamu]

I shout insofaras I change the tone of my voice. Especially now that I can't run very easily :D I sound like a strict spinster school teacher "James what do you think you're doing?" etc etc. But if he runs out of a shop or tries to run into the road then I shout so loudly that you can probably hear me in the Shetland Isles.....

I do try to count to 10 before I screeech at him though, in part because my own mother used to fly off the handle without thinking and whacked us black and blue for "minor" indiscretions so I am trying hard to not integrate that into my "style" of parenting.

I hate v tech toys with a passion and hardly turn the TV on

Don't know what school of parenting I fall into :laff:

Shamu
;-)

[ChelseaHarvey]

Im another one that hollers at alfie quite abit :oops: he can really drive me mad & test my patience & im not a very patient person

I always said i would never shout at alfie that there would be no need to, he would be the perfect little man, not get in trouble, be well behaved, id have this perfect little angel

Its all about the way you bring them up that was my theroy when TTC and being pregnant, i often rember seeing toddlers/kids messing around & thinking "gosh i hope that my baby wont be like that" i wont let them get like that - he is like that sometimes :oops:

[popinjay1]

I feel like all I do at the moment is shout at Claire :oops: . Particularly since Amy arrived and Claire turned into a total nightmare.

I have been known the use the smacking phrase too with no intention of ever following it through. Totally stupid really.

I am trying to stop shouting so much as a) I think it also upsets Amy and b) the more I shout the less effect it is having on Claire's naughty behaviour so it doesn't actually help the situation....

[Our lass]

I used to shout at my older girls an awful lot when I was with their Dad. He used to wear my patience very thin and they'd get the brunt of it. It was one of the reasons why I left him. I find that I can take an awful lot before shouting at them now, so when I do they really sit up and listen, whereas they didn't really take much notice of me when I used to do it a lot.

[silverpod]

Yes I have done. And generally it doesn't work, and makes me feel crap.

So I do use a lot of stern voice- but then I am a teacher and that's what you are generally trained to do. If you shouted all the time you just end up with a lost voice. A good trick can be to do one word/sentence of 'shouting' but then bring your voice down as quite as you can, generally children then have to concentrate more to listen to what you have to say.

And there have been times I have so wanted to smack (I haven't- yet...).

I am a hybrid too, I generally like wooden toys and hate noisy ones, but we have both, but I lovethe telly, but we don't have sky 'cos we're not allowed a dish.

SP

[Angie]

I have shouted but not often :oops:

It's always been when we are all really tired, and Liam has been refusing to go down for a nap even though I know he's exhausted (there's only so much whingeing and tantrums I can take, although I'm generally quite patient).

Hate it when I get cross in public as people must assume I'm just a bad tempered mum all the time who can't handle a baby. Again, it's not often but I did get cross with him on Monday in Debenhams because I had a migraine coming and couldn't cope with much more of his fussing. Felt terrible afterwards and very embaressed :oops:

Anyone who says they never have is either lying or incredibly lucky to have a child who never screams, whinges or never plays up.

[DKNI]

Yes I have shouted at Dylan but it makes absolutely not a blind bit of difference he either looks at me as if to say go on ahead ye mad woman or he cries so loud he can't hear me anyway :laff:

I normally feel the need when he has been clinging off me all day and has kicked/elbowed or leaned on my huge bump for about the millionth time that day.

I have tried the whole supernanny approach but he just attempts to squirm away from me as I think he is a bit too young for all that right now.

I have tapped him on the back of the hand as well as sometimes he will not respond to me and I want to stop him doing something dangerous eg standing on the windowsil, dive bombing off the sofa etc. BUT I only do this if I have been trying to distract him for about 5-10 minutes and he keeps going back to it.

BUT I will never smack him hard or to get him to stop hitting someone else as that is just stupid.

I sound really awful but I don't do it hard and its more to shock him and its only with my finger tips. Plus its only been the last few weeks when I am so tired and a grumpy old fart from lack of breath and not being able to move about so quickly.

DH does the whole rational bit and raises his eyebrows at Dylan which does absolutely no good whatsoever and I have to move away as it makes me laugh when i see the stern face :laff:

God my child sounds like a menace, he isn't really he is just testing his boundaries right now.

[Superkat]

Yep im another shouter, sometimes its purely as im wound up and something stupid has triggered it but mostly as he being a small brat or id trying to take the plugs out, but then hes only one and he doesnt understand, just looks at me as if whys mummy gone all mental and either laughs, continues what hes doing or starts whimpering in fear. :doh:

[sersha]

I don't shout, but then I never shout at anyone, including DH - I'm more of a swallow it and let it eat me up inside person, which isn't good! DH keeps encouraging me to yell at him for leaving his socks on the floor as therapy!

When I get really cross I make stupid sarcastic comments that Leah can't possibly understand which doesn't do anyone any good. I mutter quite loudly and you can see steam coming out of my head (I am quite good at making a loud noise in the sink) but I don't actually shout.

[Narcissa Malfoy]

I can shout - very well if needs be! :ellie: :laff:

However I very rarely do at my youngest but as for my teenage daughter....................... :laff: This comes with the territory of being a parent to a teenager I think! :laff:

I don't know what it is but I am so calm normally and it takes a great deal to get me riled but boy, oh boy - does she know how to do it!!!!!! :laff:

I just need to say that I am unhappy wih my youngest and she gets upset so that works 90% of the time. The rest of the time I shout! :laff:

Her teenaged sister is a different kettle of fish! :laff: I can talk to her until I am blue in the face and she will argue back and I just get so riled! I tend to end up shouting at her to get out of my sight until she has something decent to say to me! :shock:

[tigurr]

I have turned into a really horrid shouty, smacking mummy in the past few months. All stems from the upheaval that started last Nov/Dec and hasn't ended yet.

I'm not a shouty person by any stretch and hate myself for doing it but sometimes she just drives me nuts. It's just the constant inane jabbering, and asking the same thing again and again and again.

Roll on 3 May when she starts nursery for 1 day a week and I finally get a break. LOL

[Cherrypie]

I rarely shout at Eilis tbh - though I'm not saying I never do. I'm only human after all :laff: . And when I have shouted at her, I feel awful. She did have a couple of weeks of really 'pushing the boundaries' and generally being a whingey little madam, and I did shout a few times. But the boundaries are just being nudged atm rather than pushed, and whinging fast reducing, so it's a happier household.

I'm afraid I do shout at Connor - he's a blummin annoying habit of not listening, and it drives me crackers. When I've asked him to do something several times, I do lose my rag and shout. It seems to be the only thing that gets through at times :-( .

We don't have Sky any more either! Though we do still have the box, so can get the free channels. Maybe if we renewed our contract I'd do better :wik: .

[tigurr]

I often think I'd be less stressed if I still had Cbeebies to fall back on lol. The constant requests for "koala brothers", "bananas (in pyjamas" and the fecking "wiggles" is driving me nuts - DH records them everyday onto the HDD so they're there on-demand... but they do my head in!

Don't think Em understands that Cbeebies is a no-go now :( She keeps asking for Balamory (the one damned dvd I haven't bought!)

[Adelelee]

God you lot make me feel better :laff: :laff: :laff:

I do shout at Miss E, never does any good but I just cant help it sometimes, I do admit to having a temper which I do try and keep in check, but only this morning we were in the park and she would not walk, not get in her buggy and just wanted to be carried, I am nearly 5 months pregnant and its just too hard :no: :no: So I really shouted at her "just get in your buggy, you are getting on my nerves" her little face crumpled, so guess who felt a complete bitch and started crying herself :doh: :doh: :doh:

My mum was very shouty (to the point of madness sometimes) and I really really dont want to be that mum, but I just cant help it :-( :-(

[smiley]

One thing I learnt about parenting is never say never.

I never thought I'd shout at my children either................. but of course I do!

I also always said i'd never smack them, but smacked J when he ran in the road 6 months or so ago. I did it out of shock and felt terrible afterwards. But it worked, and he knows he will never do it again. So for a dangerous thing, yes, I would smack my child :oops: :oops:


Oh, and i shout at DH too :laff: :laff:

sxxxx

[littlepinkpiglet]

I'm not really a shouter but if he does the same thing 100x in a row I've been known to lose my temper :oops: I feel awful though because as soon as I do he looks so sad, puts his arms around my neck and apologises. :no: How small does that make me feel?

Mostly I just count to 3 in a very quiet voice and it stops him in his tracks. If it's something dangerous I would shout, I don't think that counts :laff:

:pig:

[Elle Driver]

God Kat/girls you don't know how much i needed to read this thread - i've just had a whole morning of shouting at ruby and then feeling remorseful for doing so :-(

As Pops said, its only since leila's arrival that i've started shouting and yday i did say 'i'll smack your bottom' which i had no intention of following through. wtf is that all about? Whats worse is ruby gets this really forlorn, injured face and dissolves into tears when i shout and pleads 'please dont talk to me like that mummy you make me sad'. Cue *me* in floods of tears :-( Ahhhhh, parenting....noone said it'd be easy but sometimes i do think that i never thought it would be this hard - emotionally draining isn't it, at times.

i'm going out after lunch so am hoping the fresh air (and a krispy kreme each!) chills us out. who am i kidding, its only ME that needs to lighten up :roll:

PVx

[Blonde Girl]

[quote="ProfessorVanessa."] Whats worse is ruby gets this really forlorn, injured face and dissolves into tears when i shout and pleads 'please dont talk to me like that mummy you make me sad'. Cue *me* in floods of tears :-( Ahhhhh, parenting....noone said it'd be easy but sometimes i do think that i never thought it would be this hard - emotionally draining isn't it, at times.

quote]

Awwww honey - that is heartbreaking (but v cute!)

I had a huge bellowing fit at Dan on Friday as he was being a huge PITA then two hours later a manky rash appears with a throat infection causing it - how bad did I feel?????

[Hello Kitty]

No as much as I thought I would (so far :wik: )
Usually a stern No but Grace has only just started walking so is only really beginning to discover mischief. Ask me in 6 months and it could be different :)

[Adelelee]

No as much as I thought I would (so far :wik: )
Usually a stern No but Grace has only just started walking so is only really beginning to discover mischief. Ask me in 6 months and it could be different :)

I did not know Gracie had started walking :clap: :clap: :clap: Yea!!

[spritzer]

I'm not a big shouter really but do find myself having to say no a lot which I can't stand. Not that it does any good as he doesn't take a blind bit of notice and just giggles :roll:

I did really shout at him yesterday as he constantly grabs my hair and hurts me badly. I had to get his hand and be quite rough to get him to release it :-( :oops: but he needs to start understanding about hurting people - especially as it is all from over-excitement rather than anger (mainly)

We don't have Sky but do have noisy toys and I consider the telly one of my closest friends :laff: Xander, however, is not that interested in the electronic babysitter but I live in hope.