How Many Friends???

[Spuggy]

I just wrote on another thread that I have four friends that I have had for a very long time and that would walk over hot coals for me. I have more good friends (probably about five) and then about another four friends that I call/email/meet up with the odd time.

I always used to feel like I didn't have enough friends, but now I feel pretty blessed with my friendships.

how many REAL pals ya got then? Go, on tell me - be my fwend!!!

[clementinexyz]

I don't have many. Perhaps 2 real, walk over hot coals friends plus my big sister. Maybe 3 more who I'm pretty close to. and peerhaps 2-3 more who i see socially and enjoy the company of even if we are not particularly close I feel very lucky to have the friends I do have as almost all the people I do have in my life are wonderful, positive loving people who I adore.

I also have a couple of nutters who seem drawn to me but that's another story...

[August Girl]

I haven't got anybody apart from my friends on here. I'm not stressing about it, I'm sure I will make friends one day, it's no good trying to be friends with people you have nothing in common with I've found.

[Hellina]

i was just thinking about this recently too and although i dont have a lot of friends nearby, i value all of them more than they probably know.
I have a couple of good friends at work but dont see them socially at all. I have one friend who i do see socially but only about once a month and she hates kids to only comes round if they are asleep.
I have some old school mates who are in ireland but i feel closer to one them than any other friend who, i may see more often, and of course she is a damsel too.
other than that i really do count a lot of the people on here as friends and i no longer refer to them as people on a website but as my friends and since i am on here so often now i certainly do "talk" to you guys more often than anyone!

[Cherrypie]

I don't have many 'walk over hot coals' friends. Two actually. I guess there are another 4 good friends, and then a few more casual friends who I'm very fond of but don't have the same strong bond IYSWIM.

I think the fact we have moved around quite a bit - and not just this move - has contributed to the fact that I've lost contact with folk over time, or good friendships have turned more distant.

I actually felt very lonely where we last lived. I worked full time from home, and so had little oppurtunity for 'me time' when I could meet folk properly socially. Now circumstances are so different for me with currently having no work commitments, I'm going to make an effort to get involved with local things and will hopefully build up a bit of a network.

[Annie Goolahey]

I'm really a very lucky Damsel indeed.
I have about five friends who would be there for me in a heartbeat- whether I see them very often or not.
Some are new, some are old (friends, not people) and two are family but still friends all the same.

Of course it feels very silly as a 30-year-old women to say I have a group of 'best friends' but I do, with a bestest in the world friend to make me sound even more childish.
(And yep, two of my best friends are Damsels)

[Timothy's Mum]

I have one friend 'C' who I know would do anything for me. We have been friends since we were 14 and are more like sisters (not that I have any siblings to base that on - but you know what I mean) I have lots of other people who I would call friends and I know many of them would bend over backwards to help me but it is 'C' who I know will be my friend until we die.

[Ms Sunflower]

I'm like AG. I don't think there is anyone IRL nearby who isn't family that would pass the hotcoals test. I'm close to my family and could tell anything to at least one Damsels, and consider lots I've met friends.
I tend to calm up when I'm depressed and it looks like I'm ignoring people when I suddenly stop rturning emails/calls/texts :oops: I'm not, I just find it hard to communicate and turn into a lousy friend. And I don't like phones very much. I'm not a 'call up for a chat' kind of person, unless I really click with someone. I have a bit of a phone phobia :lol:

[Calamity]

I'm like AG. I don't think there is anyone IRL nearby who isn't family that would pass the hotcoals test. I'm close to my family and could tell anything to at least one Damsels, and consider lots I've met friends.
I tend to calm up when I'm depressed and it looks like I'm ignoring people when I suddenly stop rturning emails/calls/texts :oops: I'm not, I just find it hard to communicate and turn into a lousy friend. And I don't like phones very much. I'm not a 'call up for a chat' kind of person, unless I really click with someone. I have a bit of a phone phobia :lol:

Are you me???????

I could have written that word for word myself. I have one friend from school that I keep loose contact with. One friend from a past job that I phone a couple of times a year or email now that she's got a pc. And one friend that used to be my best friend in college. We started speaking again after about 5 years. We're getting there but she lives really far away from me now.

I have some really lovely friends from HB/Damsels that are more my friends than my 'friends' are iyswim?

My mum is my best friend I suppose with my OH coming a close second and I hope Lorna and I will become best friends too as she gets older............ that's as long as she's not mortified to be seen out shopping with me :lol:

J.x

[moonie]

I don't have many really. My bestest friend is my ex and although we live over 300 miles from each other, we always stay in touch and if I ever go down south he always makes time to see me when I'm down. We've helped each other through very dark times and have had really great times to. My nearest friend lives opposite me and I'd call her a close friend. We go to toddler groups together, bingo, occassional nights out. We always have a coffee and a good gossip and she's fab. We take in turns babysitting and often borrow things off each other. We've just been on holiday together and are still talking, so I'd say it's a pretty strong friendship:wink: I do have a few Damsel friends and enjoy seeing them(can't wait to meet some more at the party) and I have quite a few people I talk to but wouldn't class them as true friends.

[Chocolate Lips]

I don't have any "hot coals" friends. I am in contact with my two best friends from school, but only very sporadically, and I have two friends I met at college about 6-7 years ago, one I see once or twice a year, the other I see about once a month but we email and text each other, she has two young children and works though so it is more difficult getting together.

I made some friends at my NCT antenatal group, and I meet up with all six of them every other week or so but have grown close to two of them who I see at least once a week now, and we email and text all the time. We have become really good friends in a very short space of time but I wouldn't be without them now.

I have my Damsels friends, which is wonderful. It is great to be able to come on here at almost any time of the day and get advice, help, reassurance. I have one particular Damsel that I would consider a 'proper' friend as we have chatted so much and know a lot about each other now!

[Lois Lane]

This thread makes me :cry: We probably have 2 'hot coals' friends IRL (P's godparents) and I have my sister (does she count?) I have friends from my local support group but I only get to see them a couple of times a year as they rarely remember to invite me and DH to their gatherings (we are the only couple who both work full time). I made friends at NCT but again was forgotten when we moved house towards the end of my last pregnancy. I no longer have any school friends.

I am lucky enough to have made friends via the dark side & damsels though who save my sanity on many an occasion.

[Mad Madam Mim]

My best friend lives in Australia we have known each other since we were about 15/16 but now she's so far away. I know she would do anything for me and I for her. I have another friend who has moved back to Scotland recently who I am very close to. I have a close friend, although we've drifted a bit, who lives in London. One of my problems is that I've moved about a lot as I tended to get bored in one place when I was younger. I also have 2 very good male friends who I can trust and rely on - one of whom is friends with me and OH (although we know him independantly of each other - if that makes sense).

My friends on here - 3 in particular (although I hope to become close to a few more) I consider myself to be closest to tbh. One of them I speak to nearly every day and the other as often as possible. I really do think my damsel friends are the people I tell the most to.

I am the same as Ms Sunflower and Jane and if I am low or depresssed (a proper episode rather than feeling sad) I won't speak to anyone. I learned a long time ago to be careful with friends with my depression as 2 of them really turned on me when I needed them the most and really didn't understand or try and really my world was falling apart at the time. So I keep to myself when I am feeling like this. I am also not the world's chattiest phone person but it doesn't mean I don't think of those important to me often.

[Julesb]

My best friend is male and we have been friends forever and i don't think that there will ever be a time when i couldn't rely on him and him on me.
DH has never had a problem with our friendship and i really respect him for that.
I have a group of 6 friends that i would regard as very close friends and the majority of them are male; 2 straight, 2 gay and 2 female.
We have known each other for about 25 years and are a fairly eclectic bunch and i think it's that which keeps us all together. We are spread all over the country now but try to meet up on birthdays and a few other times throughout the year. We all speak on the phone though and there is always a shoulder to cry on or a solution to a problem if required and best of all there is always a berluddy good laugh to be had somewhere.
We have had our fall outs and far too many hissy fits along the way but i really feel that my life is alot richer for having them all in it.

[bluekat]

I have lots of friends but not very many very close friends. I'm closer to my DH and family these days (especially since I got married/had Lexie).

The people I thought were close friends turned out to be little more than drinking buddies. This upset me a lot when I was pg. It was a blessing though because I've become friendlier with other people who have much more in common with me (and don't have the same hang-ups).

I have a great friend I've known for nearly 10 years. She is always on my side (and I'm always on hers) and she's guaranteed to cheer me up if I'm having a moan or sad about something. We don't see nearly enough of each other but when we do get together it's a guaranteed laugh. I wish she'd have a baby (and so does her man) but she keeps getting new horses instead...and threatens to get one for Lexie...oh gawd, please no!!!!

I'm lucky to have met some luffly folks on here (well the other side really) that I'm now good friends with (you know who you are, mwah).

BKx

[flipflop]

I was thinking about this the other day!

I have one very bestest-in-the-whole-world friend who I have known since school, she lived near me and her little boy is two weeks older than Evie and Joe, we were inseperable through our mat leaves and the early, dark days of babyhood but she has moved to Wales this summer. We have had lots of :cry: but it will be worse for her as I still have all our other friends, she knows no-one in her new area.

I've got another v close friend who also has twins, then 7 other girls who we do a book club with, and I also run/play golf/do things with the kids with them. There are two others with children that I've known for years, our dh's are friends too. Actually all the dh's of all the girls know each other, they are all into golf and rugby, stuff like that.

I've got a really good friend who I used to work with who has quite a new baby, I see her every couple of weeks and we go out for dinner with her and her dh every couple of months.

I see two girls from work and their children regularly but wouldn't invite them to a party if we had one, they are just my friends, dh doesn't really know them.

Then there are a few couples we see at parties or go to the pub with in a big group, and other friends who are scattered further afield who we catch up with as and when. Because dh and I lived for a long time in the same area we grew up in we know lots of people from just being around, dh was hugely into rugby for years and we met lots of friends through the rugby club.

Then siblings too - two sisters and a brother between us, plus oh's.

Quite a lot when I write then all down.

flipflop x

[klosie]

I'm with the no hot coal friends unfortunately... but I do have one friend who has really lasted the test of time, but she doesn't really know any of my other 'friends' so I can't complain or whinge about them without her getting bored :lol: . Most of my friends are really complete bitches, but I stick to them anyway

[bubbasweet]

I've got two friends who I could really rely on, both of whom I don't see very much (one lives in Canada!) and then I've got 4 other friends who I've known since school, and we always have a laugh, but lately I feel a bit like we're drifting apart. We used to be so close, but now I don't feel so attached to them, and definitely couldn't rely on them if I needed them.

I used to have a very good male friend, but we've drifted apart lately. I don't agree with his lifestyle (although would never tell him that as it's not for me to judge what he does) so I don't spend so much time with him as we used to.

[choccy eating monster]

I have just one friend who would do anything for me. She is lovely, and we have been mates on and off since we were 5. We have been through loads together and have had our disagreements but we can always put them on the shelf and get on with being mates.

She supports me but is also blunt when I am being a plank and is very direct - which not many people are!

She is outgoing and has a wicked sense of humour and is being a fantastic mother, despite not wanting kids in the first place. She is giving and generous even though she has never had much money.

She's suffering a lack of confidence at the moment, cos of baby weight and becoming a SAHM but with support and friendship I know she will return to her old self in time.

She supported me when I was being bullied badly at high school and I don't know how I would have got through it without her there, to be honest. It caused her difficulties to support me through this, because she in turn was threatened and harrassed for being my mate. It would have been easier for her to just turn her back on me - but she took the hard option and I will never forget it. :rock: :rock: :flowers: :bow: :kiss:

[sadie21]

I have around six REAL friends who i know i could rely on and trust them with absolutely anything.

[ChelseaHarvey]

I have 7 real close friends that would do anything for me and i would them to and at a drop of a hat. These i go out with alot to. These all live in wiltshire though, i went to school with a few and met the others through mates but we have become so so close

Where i live i had 5 that i always go out with and will always go out with if they call me like a few hours b4 they want to go out asking if i fancie itim always up for it
I have a few mummy friends that i go out with in the week to a playzine or to there house for lunch, but i dont go out with them and socialise, they say they cant afford it or they cant get anyone to look after there LO's or they dont just feel like it!! I dont understand why though there the same age as me, even just going out to the pub or something for a few....

[Muppetgal]

does an ex count? we don't even talk anymore, with the exception of an email maybe once every 6 months (bulk email to loads of people at that!) and Christmas Cards, but he WOULD walk over hot coals for me, and I would for him.

another ex is still a very good friend, to both Gordon and I. In fact, we broke up because we were such good friends because we didn't want to ruin it (knew we wouldn't end up together I guess). If he had time he'd walk over hot coals for me.... :teehee: he's a HUGE procrastinator!!

One best pal from school, def walk over hot coals for each other
2 good friends from college
2 good friends from baby/toddler groups, and a couple of others who I see every other week or so who I could ask favours from if I had to.

At the end of the day though, my MUM is my best friend. I'm not even friendly with my sister but she would do anything for me as well. And I have a cousin who I'm relatively close to...and NO I don't mean my husband!!! :teehee: :oops: although, he's a best friend too!

[Adelelee]

I have lots of friends (but I have to say I do work hard at my friendships and I am a good friend!!)

I have 3 "walk over hot coal" friends that I could call anytime day or night, One I have known 26 years (and her hubby), and the other two I have known 17/14 years respectively, however its the 14 year friend I consider my "soul mate" friend. We have been through so much together and when she moved away 2 years ago I was devastated, things have changed, we dont speak as much but she is totally there for me and me her.

I have four girl cousins to whom I am very very close, they too would all be there for me.

Then I have lots of various friends I have known for years that we keep in touch, cards, odd phone call etc etc.

I have friends all over the country that I could visit and have done, it took DH a while to get used to it when we first met, it seemed where ever we went I knew someone to meet up with for a drink :teehee: :teehee:

I think it stems from me being an only child, I have always made friends easily and can tell within a very short period of meeting someone that they could become a friend, and I will make an effort to stay in touch.

Also on here I have def made a few friends that I could count on, not naming names as dont want to turn it into "one of those" contests but I would hope they know who they are:grin:

Adele
xx

[RedTiger]

Not many :oops: I have 1 friend I've known since I was 11 and we see each other regularly - our kids play well together, though we rarely see each other without kids. Not quite sure if she'd pass the hot coals test :scratchchin:

I am close to my family and I see / speak to / MSN my Mum, sis & bro most days (though don't MSN Mum - she can barely switch on a computer never mind work a new fangled thing like MSN :lol: )

Other than that I have 1 friend (an ex-neighbour) who I see occasionally, work colleagues that I sometimes go out with, other rellies that I visit sometimes, a few cyber-friends, a friend of DH and his wife & kids that we see occasionally and a couple of people I see at the speedway but rarely meet up with outwith. I wouldn't really consider most of those 'friends' as such - I'm so crap at keeping in touch, I don't phone people unless its for something specific as i'm crap at making conversation and I'm very good at putting myself off of even trying to arrange to meet up because I always convince myself that they'll be busy anyway before I've even spoken to them, or that they won't want to meet up with ME so i'll be putting them on the spot to think up an excuse not to meet!

[Cat Queen]

This thread is really interesting, I thought I was 'odd' because i don't have any real friends, the one I used to be able to speak to about anything kind of drifted off when I was pregnant with Grace, she was the sort of person who was on the phone all the time when she was having problems with her fella, but didn't hear from her for weeks when all was ok.

There is only one person I bore regularly with my problems, and who I find will give me an honest opinion (good or bad) and that is one of the girls I met on 'the other side':grin: (You know who you are!).

I am close to my mum and sister, but don't tell them every problem I have, if I did my OH would be lynched!

[durhamlass]

i have 4 'hot coals' friends, and 3 of them i met on handbag before they all came here too, you know who you are, so naming no names. the other one i have known since primaty school.

i have a few good friend, who i msn more than i phone/ text, thats prob more because my children are so noisy i would never hear them if i did call!

i find it very difficult to make friends, or even talk to people, so i cherish the friends i do have, though I have to say, they are all from here!

i have lived in my village for 5 years, and i say hello to people, i still know no one really...

bout time i made an effort methinks!

[scatterbrain]

I'm another one. I have 3 or 4 friends (from school as it happens), but they don't live very close to me & I only see them a couple of times a year. I'm pretty sure one or two of them are 'hot coals' friends, but I've never really tested that as I don't like to bother them :rolleyes: . Other than that I have my friends on here, & am friendly enough with OH's friends and my work colleagues. I'm really pretty shy & never know what to say when I meet up with new people. I think a lot of people take that to mean I'm unfriendly or not interested, but that's a whole other thread & one that I posted a few weeks ago.

But then...what would I do with hoards of friends anyway...it's not like I have time to socialise or chat on the phone or anything.

Scatterbrain

[chicken.babe]

I have 1 'hot coal' friend,we have been friends since I was 11,so 17 years,dont see her much as she lives about 20 miles from me now! saying that we speak every week,text every few days and I do go and see her when I go to my mums.

There used to be about 6 or 7 of us,but I moved away and lost touch with them.

Look at me billy no mates:oops: :no:

[Sparkly]

I consider myself really lucky as I've always had a big circle of genuine friendships. I have one true hot coals friend - the things she's done for me are unbelievably selfless & I've never met anyone like her. Several other very close 'comfy slippers' (as my mum says!) friends and then about another 6-8 that I might not see for a month or so, but things are always just the same iyswim. Then there's a few I prob only see a few times a year but love to meet up with. And one very precious one (who introduced me to DH) who, like Mim's friend, is in Oz.

Saying all that, I'm closer to my sister than anyone in the world and see her most days.

[Angel]

I have 3 "hot coals" friends, but unfortunately one of them lives in Scotland and the other in Dubai :cry: The other lives a little closer but has two children so we only see each other every few months.

I have another handful of friends who are very close friends and I value so much. We don't see each other very often, but when we do it's like we saw each other yesterday. I've also got some friends I've met here and have been so supportive to me over the years.

[creativezen]

Hmm this is a bit of a tough one for me. I am another one who tends to clam up when things go wrong and distance myself from anyone, I dont tend to confide in any of my friends. But I think that is because one person in particular always re-tells stories and makes them sound so much worse than what they were, so I am wary of telling people things. I do have very good friends though, there is a group of four of us that although dont see each other that much any more, are still very close and I know they would do anything for me.

I do think my OH is my true best friend, he loves me and tells me when I am being stupid and looks after me when I am crying cos my shoes dont match my dress or whatever and I love him and I hope we stay together forever. Poor bloke gets stuck in the middle a lot in my family arguements!

I have very separate defined groups of friends from different stages in my life (various jobs, uni etc) and I like it that way. I sometimes try to mix them all up but it never quite seems to work, so now I tend not to bother. I do also have an ex that I call whenever things go wrong, and I know he would be there for me whatever happened.

But I do think I have a good group (or groups) of friends that would come running if I called them and I am happy with my lot!

[sersha]

I have a bunch of old friends, maybe 4 I would consider "hot coals" and another 4 that I don't speak to very often at all, but would still visit if we were local to them and are still in touch with.

Then I have "mummy" friends who are all new - only known them since Leah arrived, so not time enough to establish deep bonds. In that group (about 6 of them) I would consider 3 of them quite close friends now, but it's taken about a year of knowing them to get that far!

I still find it really hard as all my old friends aren't mummies and the relationships between us are now quite different to how they were because our lives have taken different paths, but my new mummy friends don't know me like my old friends, so I'm still sort of in the middle?!

[twirlygirly]

I don't really have many. I've never been very good at making friends and I won't just make do with anyone for the sake of being able to say I have a friend. I probably have 4 important friends, but I don't see any of them regularly. I went to school with "C" and although we've had our ups and downs we are still in contact and when we happen to be in the same country we make an effort to meet up. "A" is a relatively recent friend as we've only known each other for 4 years, but she was my bridesmaid when I got married 2 years ago and I just attended her wedding in Scotland and I love her dearly, again I hardly ever see her as she lives way up there and I live way down here! "K" is another recent 4 year friend who I met when I lived in Guildford, I haven't see her in over a year but I know she is always there and if I ever have a problem I can phone or e-mail her. Last but not least is Damsels own "Kersplatt", we did our training together and have managed to stay in touch for over 7 years, I've not see her in ages, since her DD Ellie was a baby and before I got married but she has been a big support to me especially while TTC and in the early days of marriage, we text regularly and one of these day we will find the time to meet up in real life!!
Apart from that I don't really have any day to day friends, I've lived her for almost 2 years and I've not gotten to know anyone. I'm hoping that by getting involved with a bumps and babies group and the NCT I might meet other women in the area and hopefully make a friend or two. However I do think that if you can get through life with even just one true friend you are truely fortunate!

[pinky77]

I have one very very close friend who I speak to nearly everyday (usually more than once), and meet up with sometimes 3 or 4 times a week. We tell each other everything and she is the first person I call when anything good or bad happens. We have been friends for about 10 years and I dont know what I would do without her, I feel very lucky to have this one true friend. I have maybe two or three other friends who I see or speak to occasionally who I have met through baby groups in the last 7 years. I dont feel I have many friends but the ones I do have I really appreciate.

[applejack]

Since moving away from my home town a year ago I've sadly realised that a certain friend o mine that I held strongly didn't infact feel the same way about me. On the other hand though, other friends have really come through for me and I've built up even stronger more dedicated ties with them, and I just know these friends will be friends for life!

My pal that I always called my 'best friends' as I've known her along time has sadly decided 'out of sight, out of mind' and never makes any effort to contact me or even travel the short journy to come and see me. On the few occassions we have met up, its always been in her town, and its always been when I've arranged it (and normally she's already cancelled on me a couple of times before we eventually get to meet).

When we're together we're fine, we talk, laugh, have a bit in common still, but I am so sad and hurt by her lack of interest (or more likely lack of thought) towards me and my life that I just feel a bit like 'If she can't be bothered why I should I?' She is very self centered and everything has to revolve around her, which in the past I always put up with if it meant I could atlast see her, but now something in me has changed and I basically have realised I respect myself more than she respects me.

Other firends though are so good to me since moving away. Some poeple who I may only see once a year have made the effort to come over and see me, and we seem to have an 'arrangement' with most my friends that we take it in turns to go over there, they come over here etc. It's never a chore seeing any of those lot and sometimes we'll get an invite spur of the moment to come down for a night out.

I have just basically re-shuffled the cabinet lol and now other friends who I always new were there for me anyway, have become such great friends who I value more than anything, whereas others have taken a seat on the back bench.