View Full Version : Can anyone offer any advice please?
This is starting to take over my life and drive me nuts (posted here btw as I would like to get all people's thoughts - it's "me" related rather than baby related iyswim!)
Please can someone tell me that I'm not going mad (even though I know I am ) and share any fellow stories or just give their thoughts.
I am still absolutely petrified about having a little boy. I honestly thought that I was starting to get my head around it. To clarify I don't know what I'm having yet, but am having a private 4d scan in 2 weeks to verify.
I honestly have no idea what I'm having, but people keep telling me they think i'm having a boy and I guess I've managed to convince myself that I am so that I won't be SO disappointed when I find out that I am (does that make sense at all??)
I really really don't know why I feel like this. I've thought and thought but I still don't know. I just do know that I've always wanted to have two girls and definitely not one of each (in fact )I'd rather have two boys)
I had one younger brother and we really really didn't get on at all ever. We never have although we tolerate each other now. (but have absolutely nothing in common) Maybe it stems from this?
I so know that there are no guarantees that two girls will get on, but I still can't help how I feel.
The majority of me absolutely knows that I will adore this baby boy once he arrives, BUT there is an itsy bitsy part of me that is terrified that I will always favour Hettie and I just feel so bad for this poor wee mite who won't have asked for any of this.
I absolutely know that I am jumping the gun and shouldn't be thinking about this now until I know for sure either way, but I just can't stop thnking about it (darned hormones)
On Sunday night I had a dream where in my scan they told me it was a boy and I cried (I actually woke up crying ) The disappointment was palpable.
This is just so unfair to this poor little baby but I really can't help the way I feel and it's getting worse.
It doesn't help that my DH and my family think I am barking mad and just dismiss it whenever I mention how worried I am ("oh don't be so ridiculous" "one of each will be great" etc etc etc )
Please help guys - any advice would be greatly appreciated - I don't know where else to turn.
I've already posted over there but obviously my advice was crap! :oops: :wik:
I have no idea what you are going through as I don't have (or want) kids, but this is my two'penneth worth (and you may not like it)
what you want is not always what you get, but surely the main point is that you have two HEALTHY children, regardless of gender.
I am the older sister to identical twins (male) we still fight like cats and dogs (we are all in our 30's) :laff:
Sure, I was treated by my Mother differently to my brothers (they have always been the favorites) but she never loved me any less. I never missed out on anything - if you ask my brothers they will say I was the spoilt one (I was Dad's favorite)
It's all swings and roundabouts.
I don't think you are nuts. I would dearly love two girls and have made no secret of that but at the end of the day am convinced would love a little boy too. I think it is hard to imagine loving another child after your first born but regardless you will love him or her. Your heart has a lot of love to go round. I think this could be your hormones too. It could also be a little bit of fear of having a boy as you know what having a girl is like and you can deal with that. I am sure others have been where you are, sorry I couldn't be more constructive xxxxx
Aww Katkinn sending you a big hug. I can't offer any advice really, but just wanted to say I felt worried about having a boy as well. Not to the extent that you are worried but I did worry all the same. Now he is here I love him to bits but it is different and I do treat him differently than my DD but for lots of reasons and not in a bad way. When i had DD I was 19 and my relationship wasn't as good as now and I ended up a single Mum but now I am older (maybe a little wiser) and in a really strong realtionship, what i am trying (very badly) to say is that i think you treat all your children slighly differently anyway for lots of reasons so don't worry about that aspect. As for the baby being a boy not a girl well what will be will be and I firmly believe that everything happend for a reason and that I had a boy because that is what was supposed to happen but i just don't know why yet but one day it will all become clear.
Not sure if any of this makes sense or is any help at all so I will just shut up now. I know that whatever your little baby is you will love him or her with all your heart and be the best parent you can be and that is all anyone can ask.
You will probably be aware that how you are feeling now is exactly how I felt when I was pregnant. I wanted a girl so badly. I remember going for my scan and praying, yes praying, they would tell me it was a girl. (They couldn't tell me either way and I cried for five solid hours because I just knew I was having a boy).
I love my son, because, and this may sound weird, he is my baby. His sex is somewhat irrelevant to that love, but I do worry that when he is older, a big tough teenager who farts and fiddles with himself and shaves, that I won't feel the same for him as I would a daughter because he won't be as interested in me or spending time with me.
I tell myself because I was sooooo okay with having a boy by the time Joseph was born that I will be ok if I have a boy next time but the truth is I think I would be devastated if I never had a daughter. I still get a real pang of longing when I see baby girls.
When I was pregnant with our second I found it very hard to get excited about the new baby. In my mind our daughter was our baby, I just couldn't see how the new baby boy would fit into that. I was also a bit scared at the idea of having a little boy wondering what on earth you do with boys.
Now he is here he is so lovely, he is such a good baby, always so happy and smiley and squeals with excitement at things. He has also been very easy, sleeping well and rarely crying, everything that our daughter (nightmare baby) wasn't. Now I often worry that I favour him more so it has completely turned around.
It hasn't happened yet, try and enjoy not knowing while you can and deal with things when/if they happen, hopefully you'll get the outcome you want.
Feelings are funny things... they might surprise you!
sorry you are feeling so wound up about this blossom.
can i suggest, either talking to smiley797, who as you probably know, went through something similar, or talking to your GP or midwife before your scan.
it feels to me like you need to address this sooner rather than later as the stress would be doing neither of you any good.
no one can really suggest why you might feel like this, only offer you experience of how they felt but it sounds like it would definitely do you good to speak to someone who doesn't know you and isn't going to judge you (do your work offer a confidential employee counselling service?) to get it all off your chest, and prepare you rationally for the possibility that it may be a boy?
i also think the lovely and wonderful smiley would be very sympathetic if she has time to lend an ear!
i'm not going to wax lyrical about the joys of having a boy as i sense that's not what you want to hear at the moment - but if you do need to hear it at any time, or just to rant, then just let me know.
please talk to someone about this
Copied my words of great wisdom from t'other side :wik:
Oh Katkinn, I know you are really worried about this
The only advice I can suggest is to try and think about them as different people, not just as what sex they are. So, perhaps try and alter your thinking so you are more of the 'I wonder who is in there, what they will be like?' not what flavour they are.
Because, one thing is for sure, boy or girl they'll be different to Hettie - how many people do you know where the siblings are really similar characters? I find very few are - which is quite surprising really.
In fact, I think it is sometimes harder to have two the same sex as you are constantly comparing them wheras having one of a different sex to the other helps you start with more of a blank page IYSWIM Especially girls where so much competition comes in over looks, popularity, boyfriends etc.
Please try and enjoy your pregnancy (esp now you're feeling better) and accept that, boy or girl, this is the baby that desperately wants to come and live with you and so is the right baby for YOU
ETA - having spent many an afternoon of 'barbie hell' with my god-daughter I would say boys have their pluses :laff:
I didn't realise this was still bothering you so much. (((hugs)))
Fwiw, I have always wanted a boy. DH is one of 3 boys so I was hoping this would be a family tendancy.
Of course, what I got was 2 girls. I have to admit that I was very disappointed at both scans when they told me the sex. Possibly not as upset as you would be, but pretty unhappy.
What is weird and may help you is that though I still wish for a boy, feel regret that I didn't have one ..... none of this has any bearing on the way I feel about either of the girls. Your mind seems to be able to compartmentalise entirely and my intellectual desire for a boy is completely unrelated to the emotional attachment to my little girls. I do still wish they had both been boys, and at the same time there is nothing that could possibly change that could make me love either of them any more than I do now.
Does that make sense? What I am trying to say is that it's perfectly OK to want a girl, it's perfectly OK to be sad if the scan shows it's a boy, & that neither of these things means you are going to love him any the less.
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