View Full Version : Aaaargh DD+DH laying on the guilt...
Well after 2 weeks at home (school hols) - reality bites, and back to work tomorrow. Cue a gentle chat with DD who starts bawling eyes out "no no I want to stay with mummy" blah blah - she LOVES her childminder and there is normally no problem.
Granted we have had a lovely time - and daddy has been off this week too.....
Cue DH idea of genius that I should "keep her with me" all the time when number 2 comes along.............aaaaaargh and noooooooooo. Only still working to accumulate some cash so that I can carry on with life as normal for DD1 whilst trying to say sane and bond with number 2.
Why are out nearest and dearest so good at laying on the guilt - and surely working 3 days a week/carrying on childcare when on Matty leave doesn't make me evil.....right???
Guilt struck Az
I'm with you 100% - I didn't even consider for a second taking Kyle out of nursery when I was on maternity leave. If you are evil then I am too :twisted:
Kyle got this book (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0099439468/qid=1145309042/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/203-0106935-0015915) from the libary last week - its fab!!!
Sorry - slight tangent!!!
If I'd taken him out I'd have lost his place, he'd have been bored to tears at home etc etc Don't feel guilty!!!!
I think it makes perfect sense to keep on as usual for DD1. I know Z was a little older than your LO when I had Del but as she was born during the holidays it gave him far more time to be jealous iyswim. Once he was back at school it was a lot easier and he actually had chance to miss his sister and be glad to see her instead of resenting her. And I love the time we get to spend on our own.
So don't feel guilty!!!
Are you going back to work after ML? If so then I would think it'd be harder to get your DD back into the routine of going to the childminder once you need to go back to work. She'll be so used to having Mummy there all the time. In your shoes i'd do the same thing - it gives you a bit of time to spend with the baby and would also let you nap when baby is sleeping in those first few weeks.
Frankly, DD1 will probably get more stimulation and attention from her childminder than she would from you when you've got a second baby to deal with!! I know that would be the case for me.
Your DH needs a bit of a kick up the bottom. You could always suggest to him that he stays home with two small children while you go out to work? :doh: :laff:
I so know how you feel! There is always that guilt over whether you are doing the right thing or not.
The change of routine over Easter probably made all the difference as two weeks is a long time when they are so small.
Fortunately for me OH never questioned keeping S on at school 3 days a week, whenever I said that maybe I should keep her at home (guilt again) he was the one saying that we should still send her because she would be missing out and I wouldn't be able to cope with both of them full time.
We go through phases where she wants to stay at home with mummy (or says she does), on occasions I have kept her at home (at least you have that flexibility when on ML) but she has gone on to have tantrums throughout the day and been thoroughly bored. Most of the time she really enjoys it and is excited when she leaves in the morning and happy and bubbly when she gets home.
S now gets taken to school and picked up by daddy so is fully aware that mummy is staying at home with baby and I think sometimes she feels that she is missing out on something, she does seem happier on the occasions when I go with them like we used to when I was working. If you are able to continue dropping off and picking up in the way you did before ML E might not notice as much.
Well then I'm going to be the devil incarnate too!! Even though I'm planning on childminding when number 2 arrives, P will still go to nursery. We've decided to cut her hours so she only goes 2 days a week instead of 5 (for financial reasons) but I intend to still send her because I think it will keep her routine, she'll still get to play with her friends and get the stimulation she needs AND I can bond with number 2.
I LOL at what Damz said - my DH said last week that he would stay home and be a SAHD so when I suggested that this was ok and would he do the childminding course instead, he soon changed his tune!!! :laff:
Not evil at all ! In fact I've already had the conversation with my childminder about what we will do when I have no2 :oops:
Sensible sensible sensible
Why are daddies so utterly utterly :doh:
Must be the missing part of the X chromosome....
James is still going to the childminder 3 days a week at the moment. Granted, I'm not really completely "finished" at work - reports to read and sign, appraisal that needs completing, but I NEED the next few weeks to get some rest and relaxation in (as well as finally clear the pile of washing and sorting out the stuff for the charity shop!)
He's going to keep going 3 days a week until my pay cuts to half pay and we go up to Scotland for 6 weeks. Then it will be 2 days a week. I had such a hard time in the early weeks with James that I feel I need to be able to give beanette the same sort of attention and I won't be able to do that with James around :oops: And HE needs the stability - after all it's not just my world that will be thrown into chaos.....
My DH knows better than to even suggest James stays home with me - his life just so wouldn't be worth living ;-) :D
Thank you thank you thank you all of you. I knew you would understand. Well predictably DD had a great time at cm's - didn't cry and slathered her with kisses when she saw her.
I'm working for a fair few weeks yet and in fact will only have 9 child free days before my c-sec probably - hardly guilt inducing I have decided.
And......oh the irony ....DH this evening came home early, did the fun daddy bit whilst I cooked and then decided DD was "doing his head in already" - so yep maybe I will suggest HE stays at home and call his bluff - he did suggest that he did this if we move and I commute an hour and go back to work just not to pay back part of mat leave -..........I'll wait for the reality of a newborn to hit and then as you have suggested see if he DARE think of changing what I have arranged....
Thanks again Az xxxxxxxxx
I would definitely keep her in daycare! It'll be a bit of normality for her when the new baby comes and will give her something that's "hers"... and give you time with the new baby :)
I would definitely do the same in your position
Good Christ! Your OH needs a reality check.
I've just spent 2 weeks off with my LO, Aoife, & I can tell you, it's been extremely disruptive for her in terms of nursery. From skipping happily in the door every day, she's been throwing heart-wrenching tantrums every day since she went back. I don't think stopping and starting is a good idea. Besides, let's face it, she'd be bored at home full-time. I'm sure it's much more fun to do messy painting or jump around in the sandpit, than it is to trail around the house after Mammy or, in your case, to get frustated vying for your attention with a demanding newborn.
Please do not feel guilty - I think what you propose to do is probably the fairest thing all round & you'll be safeguarding your sanity. :)
Glad to hear E was fine, it always hard when they are begging not to go insn't it.
When we have another I certainly want Dan to keep going to nursery for at least one day a week as long as it is financially viable as I think both of us would enjoy the break!!
I am planning on waiting until he gets a free preschool place though as am a skinflint!
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