Would it be awful if...

[Jamtart]

I just cut my losses and cut all ex's family out of mine and baby's life??? I have tried to make an effort with ex's mum and I know things are difficult for her, but at the end of the day this is her grandchild and she is adult enough to not be dictated by her son :roll: I'm sick of trying and trying and I think this is the reason I get so down.

Should I just cut them all out and not tell them when I have the baby? I was planning on keeping ex's mum updated on how things were going but its all one sided... she never makes an effort back. I text her and hardly get a reply, I don't phone as I never know when is a good time or if ex would be there. She says she isn't speaking to the ex, but I don't know how true that is! I can't understand how she can condone what her son has done to me and the baby as she knew we were planning this baby and that I miscarried his baby in September :-(

Am I being unreasonable expecting her to be involved? should I just leave her to get in contact with me? I had invited her to the scan and she hasn't even bothered to tell me whether she can/wants to come or not... now in my book that is just rude! :shock:

I was thinking I might just text her and tell her what sex baby is after the scan, then tell her that I think it was rude of her not to reply to my invitation to the scan and that I will not contact her again as she obviously wants nothing to do with her grandchild, and I am disappointed that she condones what her son has done, even though she knows the baby was planned, and that its a shame the baby wont know any of its paternal family because ex is too immature to handle real life. I know I can give the baby everything it needs without any of them, but I wanted them to be involved for the babys sake.

Is it wrong to cut them out? I always said I would never do this under any circumstances, but its becoming increasingly obvious they dont want to be involved... or if they do they are too scared of upsetting the ex to have anything to do with their grandchild :-(

[Damsella]

A short answer, as I have to go now, but - no, I don't think you should "cut them out". If they don't want to be involved then you don't have to, do you? Just leave the door open for the future. For your child's sake.

[August Girl]

I think you should leave it up to them. So far you have been doing all the chasing and it's obvious it's making you unhappy. Ex's mum knows where to find you and she should be grown up enough to make up her own mind about her involvement.

If this is how they are behaving now, it will be far more upsetting when bubs is here and they keep going in and out of their life. Maybe the text you planned will jolt her into making a decision about what she wants and I think it was very generous of you to invite her to the scan.

[Jamtart]

maybe your right Damz and not cut them out totally, but stop contacting for the time being. I guess if they did contact me and want to be involved I would let them, but I am sick of making all the effort and getting nowhere :roll:

AG - It does upset me as I thought ex's mum would be involved, she has said she wants to previously. I invited her to the scan so she felt part of the pregnancy and stuff as she lives 100 miles away :-(

I think I will text her something like I put above then leave it at that... she knows how to contact me I guess!

Its such a crappy situation! :roll:

[Adelelee]

I feel for you so much hun, but hopefully they will come round but I would not cut them out totally!!

[Jamtart]

Yeah I think I am just angry and upset at not getting any replies over easter from ex's mum, and no 'thank you' for the dress, shoes and cardigan I bought her baby daughter for easter. It sad as well as her daughter was due on sept 5th last year (was born on 13th) and I am due on sept 5th this year so there will be exactly a year between them and I was hoping they would get to know each other and sort of grow up together (well at weekends anyway)

Maybe I just hope too much or try to see the good in people :huh: maybe I live in a dream world where I want everything to be perfect too much :huh:

[Chocolate Lips]

I wouldnt go out for my way to cut them out, but I certainly wouldnt spend my time trying to make contact with them and make them interested. Let them come to you. I am sure if they want to, they know where you are and at the end of they day - its them that are missing out, they will be the losers as you will have a beautiful baby :ellie:

[Jamtart]

Ex's mum texted me today, she said thanks for the present but that was it. I think I will text her after my scan and then thats it. She knows where I am and if she wants to be involved then she can make the effort!!

You're right Jo... I will have a beautiful baby and they will miss out not me!

[dora the ex...]

I will have a beautiful baby and they will miss out not me!

thats all you need to remember...they WILL contact you before you do them..i would just get on with it...you will be perfectly happy without them..im sure of it chick :wik: :yes:

[Jamtart]

thanks carrie! I think thats why I get down so much cos I think about baby missing out etc etc... but I guess the baby will not realise anything and when its older it will know no different and they will lose out!

I hope they do get in touch tho as I do want the baby to know its family and I don't want them to decide years down the line to get in touch. The baby will know who they are but it might be hard if they decide when its 4/5/6 as it could have 'another' daddy and family by then iykwim. This has happened to my friend, she was in the same situation I am in now and baby's dad wanted nothing to do with her DS, nor did his family. She had to get a DNA test to get CSA and waited 2 years for any money. Now, 3 weeks before her DS's 7th (yes 7th :shock: ) birthday his real dad decided to get in touch and wants to get to know the boy :shock: her DS always knew 'who' his dad was, but she is engaged to a lovely man now and has a baby with him and he has been her DS's 'dad' since he was 18 months old. Its a really hard situation for her and so upsetting for her and her DS. I really would hate that to happen to me :-(

[RedTiger]

TBH if it was me I wouldn't text her after your scan - she knows when it is so she should contact you to find out how you got on imho. I know you must be disappointed that she hasn't showed as much of an interest as you'd like but as long as you keep her up-to-date with your contact details then she has every opportunity to find out how you and her grandchild are.

But then that's me and that's probably why I don't have many friends :laff:

[Jamtart]

have only just seen your reply red! Maybe you are right, although I did text her today to 'remind' her that my scan is tomorrow to see if she would say anything and have heard nothing :no: I think I will text tomorrow to say what the baby is, then leave it. When I move I will text her my new address and phone number then I will leave it. If I don't hear anything I think I will text when I go into labour then see if she texts/calls/visits!

[RedTiger]

Thats a shame she didn't reply to you :-( Have you contacted her since you had the scan?

[Jamtart]

I texted "had scan, all ok but couldn't tell wot sex is :( think it mite be a girl but not 100% so cant buy anything! hope ur all ok x" but have had no reply... mind you that could be cos she might not have any credit!

[Teresa]

I don't think I would cut them out but I wouldn't got out of my way to keep contacting them. She know's where you are and I do think it was a bit rude to not reply when you asked her to your scan.

Personally I'd leave it a little while and see if they contact you. Its not fair that you have to do all the running.

[Jamtart]

Well I think I have just cut them out my life not purposely tho, in anger :roll: I needed to talk to me ex over something, so I texted his mum to get his number. Then someone said don't tell him anything till you have got legal advice, so when he phoned from her house (so much for her 'lies' about him not talking to her anymore or knowing where he was) I told him I would speak to him after I have seen a solicitor. He then started ranted that I wouldn't find him and his mum and dad are both moving and changing their numbers and will not be giving them to me :x
So I texted her this:
ive had enough of it all now. U can move and change ur number without telling me like M said u r, i dont care anymore! U will all miss out. I dont know how u all sleep at night knowing ur cutting an innocent baby out ur lives cos M is 2 immature 2 handle real life, he asked me to have his child and planned this baby! u know where I am and I don't care if u never want to c ur grandchild! This baby will grow up knowing the truth about everything and all the effort I tried to make with u all!

I was angry but I really don't care anymore... they can all sod off. If they are heartless enough to cut a poor innocent child out of their lives because of some immature twat then I will let them get on with it. She knows where I am, and if she doesn't get in touch then it will be her loss.

[Angie]

Oh Jamtart that is really crappy :grouphug:

I guess now it's up to his mum if she wants to see her grandchild, and I'm sure whatever happens now will be for the best.

If it makes you feel any better, I haven't seen any of my dad's family for years (or my dad for that matter, but I wont go into that now) but don't feel like I missed out. The family you do see and who are more that just a genetic relative are what really matter to a child. And if you grow up not seeing certain relatives you kinda accept it as the norm and don't worry about what you don't have, iyswim? Hope I'm making some sense, I'm very tired and drugged up on lemsip :flu:

Anyway, it's totally their loss.

[Jamtart]

thanks angie! I did feel like a bitch but then I thought if she really wanted to be part of the baby's life she will fight for that!
I know my family will be able to give this baby all the love it could ever want or need so sod them!
My best mate grew up withut her dad and she says she has never cared about it and it hasn't affected her at all.

I did also tell her I wanted her to be a proper part of the babys life and that I would contact her when baby is born, but apart from that I will not contact her again and its now up to her! So I guess I will soon find out!