No family - how do you cope?

[littlepinkpiglet]

To all of you mums out there that don't have any family or who live far away from their families.... How do you manage things?

What do you do when you need to say, go to the doctor? Who keeps your kids for you? I need to go to the doctor tomorrow and I have had to phone around and ask people for favours - which I hate.

I've had to get two babysitters, one for Lily and one for Max. I can't get someone to come over here or Max would literally have a fit. He can't go to one of his friends' house because he's got a bad cold and I don't want to get any other children sick.

I am feeling very homesick right now and am trying not to get all resentful at my husband as I know it's not his fault. But it's not mine either! I want my mum. :no: This happens every time I need to go somewhere/do something by myself.

:pig:

[dora the ex...]

i either get hubby to have them if is here or i have to take them with me which can be a bit of a ball ache..i know what you mean though...i dont live anywhere near my friends either and dont drive so i have to walk with both of them..

[noo noo]

Creche and Homestart or take them along. I sympathise with you - its bloody difficult.

[MsNat]

I have to take mine with me but I'm quite fortunate in that my DH can use his flexi to finish work early or go in slightly later if I'm really stuck.

Other than that I just have to bribe Natasha with a comic or sweets to keep her quite and hope that Will falls asleep in the pram on the way there.

[dora the ex...]

how did the dr go LPP?? hope all is ok x

[Pikeypants]

Yup, she goes to the Doctors with me. They don't like it but tough!

[shamu]

If it's on a day James is meant to be with the childminder then he's there and that's fine. Otherwise James comes with me or DH has to take time off.... The only time I was asked not to bring him was when I was having a coil fitted - they said it was so I could rest afterwards........
I'm really getting worried about what I'll do when I go into labour (assuming madam turns from transverse :roll: ). If it's a weekday, my childminder (who lives over the road) has offered to come and look after James but if it's a weekend we're stuffed as I'd feel I'm imposing too much and all but one of my friends with kids have newborns/moved away/got a child with a life threatening illnesss.....) Ho hum!
Shamu
;-)

[Azana]

We struggle with this one too. Generally have to pay for any care etc - mainly DD comes along to appts but gawd knows what I will do with 2. When we are all struck down eg with gastro it is awful. I suppose it is just the way it is.

FWIW Shamu I think in some circumstances impose impose impose!!!!
You can call the Richmond girls you know!

Az

[bluecow]

:hugs: LPP - it can be hard living far away from your loved ones at times :-(

We used to live two hour away from both our families (round the corner in US terms, I know :wik: ) and I found it incredibly hard.

I had to take my son everywhere with me as there was no one I could leave him with. The only time we ever had a night out was when we visited my mum - MIL wouldn't babysit even when we went to see her :roll:

I hope you are OK :)

[Angel]

It can be so difficult and it was our main factor in deciding to move 2 years ago. Where we were before it was impossible, we knew very few people and had a very very limited circle of people we could ask to help out. Everything had to be planned so carefully and Alex came to most appointments with me - including up to London when I had an interview to go part time :oops:

Now we live 20 minutes away from my Mum which makes things so much easier and we know more people up here who have kids which makes babysitters etc etc much easier.

I can only sympathise but I hope it all went ok at the Drs :)

[BJMac]

Currently, the in laws live in Spain and my parents are in London, but at the end of this month, my mum and dad will be moving to France. The only family we have nearby (that I trust to babysit) is Rob's sister, but she is having a baby herself in Sept, so won't really be an option for us then. Also our neighbours who live opposite, who we're really good friends with, have babysat a few times for us and are brill with Dixie, but their first baby is due in 2 weeks, so I really don't know what we're going to do then!! I need to find a babysitter!!!!!

B x

[Muppetgal]

Hun, I know how you feel...all my family are on the other side of the world too!

Thankfully OH's mum is good with Logan but she works full time and lives about an hour away, so I can't just call on her to help out for emergencies.

I have a doctors appointment this morning and Logan is coming with me. I didn't even consider that he maybe shouldn't come with me.

I do have a few close friends that would help out if it was an absolute emergency, but it would have to be that...someone would have to be dying or whatever before I'd ask.

I have a conference trip in July that I'm going to and I'll be leaving on a Friday. OH has just resided himself to the fact that he'll have to get that day off (or pull a sicky) because we just don't have anyone who can watch Logan.

[Muppetgal]

Hun, I know how you feel...all my family are on the other side of the world too!

Thankfully OH's mum is good with Logan but she works full time and lives about an hour away, so I can't just call on her to help out for emergencies.

I have a doctors appointment this morning and Logan is coming with me. I didn't even consider that he maybe shouldn't come with me.

I do have a few close friends that would help out if it was an absolute emergency, but it would have to be that...someone would have to be dying or whatever before I'd ask.

I have a conference trip in July that I'm going to and I'll be leaving on a Friday. OH has just resided himself to the fact that he'll have to get that day off (or pull a sicky) because we just don't have anyone who can watch Logan.

[lisa82]

i know how you feel too!

I moved from kent to notts/ derby border and left my family and friends down there, up here is my oh's family and friends. To be honest the only person i feel happy leaving Jack with is my mum and shes 200 miles away! I have no friends so no option there so he just stays with me and if he cant come with me then oh has him.

[DKNI]

Can totally sympathise as well. I live in Holland and my family live in Northern Ireland so it can be a bit tricky.

Ironically my inlaws live in the same town (10-15 minutes drive away) but they never offer to help and if I ask them then they are normally to busy or its not convenient for them. They would prefer to have DS dropped off at their house.... I don't drive and they do so I think that is really selfish of them.

They only ever "help" when my family are visiting so they can look good!

DH was away on business for 2 weeks and not once did they offer to help me out with anything or even call to see if we were alright, bearing in mind I was 6 months pg at the time.

If I need to go anywhere then Dylan has to come too. Tho sometimes DH can nip out of the office to come with us or sit with Dylan but it can only take a max of an hour and then it means he is home late that evening.

I get a bit resentful at times as well as everyone thinks I am sooooo independant but I don't have any choice and if they do help me then they only do half the job or the way they want to do it not the way that helps me IYSWIM so i just get on with it and struggle when I have too.

Hope everything went ok at the drs.

Andie

[Skibunny]

I can sympathise - my parents are moving to the US in June - I'm dreading it! DH can't drive and my immediate concern is how the heck am I going to get to the hospital to deliver Scooby 2 and what happens if I have to have a caesarian. My in-laws do live relatively close by but tbh, I don't really like them and they're no substitute for my parents.

Skibunny
xx

[littlepinkpiglet]

I get a bit resentful at times as well as everyone thinks I am sooooo independant but I don't have any choice and if they do help me then they only do half the job or the way they want to do it not the way that helps me IYSWIM so i just get on with it and struggle when I have too.


That's EXACTLY it! I feel like I'm so trapped atm. I know it'll probably get better when one or both start school but right now I'm just well, stuck. I can't do what I want or go anywhere without the kids and when I do I get panicked or guilty.

Two weeks ago I went shopping with a friend, I was only gone for two hours but I worried the whole time about them and it ruined my evening. And DH phoned to see if I was coming back soon.

You can't relax with them and you can't relax without them....

I keep fantasising about moving to Ireland to be closer to my family. I know it would never work as DH is vice president of his company here. But I NEED some family. I wish I had known this before we had children. :no:

Thanks for all your sympathy. Oh and the Dr. was nothing serious, just a checkup and blood tests to check my thyroid. Both children were really good for their respective baby sitters. :)

:pig:

[Cailín Deas]

Hi LPP :wave:

I'm in much the same situation as you.

It just makes everything 100 times more difficult - even something simple like a haircut can take weeks of planning. There are places you just can't take a child - when I was on mat. leave for example OH had to take time off work while I went to a couple of dental appointments. I have to say that I'm working full time, which actually makes things like that much easier, so I really, really feel for you as you don't even have that leeway.

Know what you mean about going back to Ireland (my family's there too). I think about it nearly every day. I miss my family so much now I have a baby. OH will not consider it (as he would miss his family :roll: ) & I'm nearly at the point where I'm resenting him for it. Sometimes I think about getting on the plane & just not coming back, but that would probably cause as many problems as it solves...

So, sorry, I'm not very much help at all but I really hope it gets better for you.

[tigurr]

I know how you feel too LPP.

Even when we lived in the UK, I didn't have family handy. I had a brother 45mins away in one direction (but he didn't drive and his wife & DS drove me nuts lol) and another brother 30mins away in the other direction - he was great if we needed an occasional break from Em but he's busy with his own life and his 2 kids so it wasn't really like we could phone and get them to take Em if I had to go to the Docs.

I used to take Em to all my GP appts or I would schedule them for a work-day (especially smear tests lol).

Now we live 11000 miles away from all our friends and family. And I am unbelievably homesick. I have been in absolute bits this last week and don't know whether I'm coming or going. One of the worst bits is the time difference - we're now 9hrs ahead of the UK so while I can phone home in the evening (our time) I can't just pick up the phone and call whenever I want... and that's hard. I'm used to talking to my mum at least once a day (she's dotty and forgets she's told me stuff lol) and now we only speak maybe once a week. Thank God for email... but it's not the same.

I don't really know what to suggest, LPP, as I haven't figured out how to cope yet - only moved here mid-Feb, went back to the UK mid-March and have only been back here in Oz since 8 April. So I'm probably still jet-lagged and cranky from that lol.

On a plus side, our weather beats that of the UK hands-down lol

T xxx

[Princess Fiona]

I do have family close but i still take Lu with me everywhere because its just easier than ringing round the whole family to see who is free.

My Mum lives about 40 mins drive away and she doesn't drive so i HAVE to take Lu there for her to look after her for me so i've never bothered. MIL is just down the road and she has looked after Lu quite a few times now, it was going to be a regular thing but now she has started working again it depends when she isn't tied up.

My Dad and Step Mum both work full time during the week so they aren't available to have Lu really, even at weekends they're always busy and my little brother is only 4 and stepMum is pregnant atm so i don't like to ask.

Dh's brothers and SIL all work full time and my Sister lives 40 mins drive away and has a 7 month of her own to deal with so although my family isn't a million miles away, they're really no help at all.

I really should book a smear test, as i haven't had 1 done since i was 17 (im 25 now) :shock: last time i went i was just pg with Lu and they wouldn't do it and i've not had chance to go since, i mean how i can i when i have to take Lu in with me :huh:

[Lois Lane]

It's tough isn't it? My family live 5 hours away. Some of the year (when they aren't at their place in the US) my inlaws are around 45 mins away which isn't too hard and MIL can be flexible and work through lunch or something to finish early if I desperately need her. Otherwise DH and I have to manage between us. Our other option is P's godparents but they are expecting now and are due in August so it's not really an option for much longer as they will have their hands full (and they both work during the week so they are only an option on weekends).

So P has to come with me to most places. Luckily for the dentist DH has an appointment with me next week so he will watch her in the waiting room whilst I go in and vice versa. When I have my hair cut I have it done by my mobile hairdresser at MILs house and there is usually someone there to watch her for me - or I take DH.

It's tough work isn't it - I'm dreading this sort of thing when I have 2 to look after :shock:

Lois xx