I give up

[Lilybett]

I can't do this anymore. L is just too much for me and I am fast loosing control of her. Every day is just more and more battles and I dread it in the mornings when I hear her waking up (which is earlier and earlier these days so even longer days to deal with her on top of disturbed nights :no: ). She is constantly misbehaving and not listening to me as well as talking back, honestly at times I am so close to slapping her and frequently have to walk away. If I didn't have B I think I'd want to go back to work full time to get away from her :oops: :cry:

I don't know what to do to make things better again. My attention is obviously split with having two of them and L is frequently playing up in order to get the focus back on her, right now I just wish someone would come and take her off my hands for a week so I can have a break :meh: I really dislike spending time with her and that makes me feel SO guilty, I'm her mum and right now I would much rather spend time with her sister than her :cry:

How do I get through this? Its beginning to affect everything, from my relationship with DH to my sanity :sigh:

[sparkliness]

:hug:

I have bouts of despair too, if that makes you feel any better, but things ALWAYS get better.

You need a plan of action: write down all the areas that need owrk - eating, sleeping etc. Then formulate a plan. Sit down with your Dh and ask for his perspective, you never know he might have a different spin on things.

Would Lottie understand a day/night clock? This time of year is very confusing with it being dark/light and different times than they are used to. At nearly 5, Molly has started coming through very early too. I have seen this clock which changes from a night to to a day scene at a time YOU set, so they know when they can get up.

http://www.boots.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10052&productId=121122&callingViewName=&langId=-1&catalogId=11051

Try praising anything good/compliant/normal (brishing teeth etc) she does and just ignoring any backchat/bad behaviour and see if she responds. She may be trying to get any attention and being naughty is the shortest route. Once she realises that she only gets attention when she is being good she might start to misbehave less.

Do you have pre-school that she can start after Christmas? Perhaps getting that organised and in place might give you both something to look forawrd to.

TBH I had never bribed Molly or even really given her chocolate until Daisy came along :oops: It did help though :laff: 'Hold onto the buggy and we can get some buttons in woolworths', 'stay in bed all night and you can have a magazine when we go to Tesco's' etc etc.

Could you maybe have a childfree morning to yourself on Saturday, just to give a break from both?

[Squeaker]

Sweetie, I was about to start a post asking if people ever wanted to take a holiday, without their children as that is exactly what I'd like to do after today. I love both my children dearly but some days I wish I could take a break, and I don't mean for an hour or two.

I think that's the big downside of not working. We have no escape, our weekdays and weekends merge into one and we lose ourselves a bit and that means we don't cope quite as well as we might, all the time.

DH lives for the weekends when he gets to spend time with the children, and I live for them so I only have 3/4 of my normal job to do.

It is much harder with two as you cannot give that 100% attention but I've found the older the younger one gets the easier it is. Not today obviously but usually.

[Squeaker]

Sweetie, I was about to start a post asking if people ever wanted to take a holiday, without their children as that is exactly what I'd like to do after today. I love both my children dearly but some days I wish I could take a break, and I don't mean for an hour or two.

I think that's the big downside of not working. We have no escape, our weekdays and weekends merge into one and we lose ourselves a bit and that means we don't cope quite as well as we might, all the time.

DH lives for the weekends when he gets to spend time with the children, and I live for them so I only have 3/4 of my normal job to do.

It is much harder with two as you cannot give that 100% attention but I've found the older the younger one gets the easier it is. Not today obviously but usually.

[WeeBird]

Sweetie, I was about to start a post asking if people ever wanted to take a holiday, without their children as that is exactly what I'd like to do after today. I love both my children dearly but some days I wish I could take a break, and I don't mean for an hour or two.

I think that's the big downside of not working. We have no escape, our weekdays and weekends merge into one and we lose ourselves a bit and that means we don't cope quite as well as we might, all the time.

DH lives for the weekends when he gets to spend time with the children, and I live for them so I only have 3/4 of my normal job to do.

It is much harder with two as you cannot give that 100% attention but I've found the older the younger one gets the easier it is. Not today obviously but usually.

WSS word for word. I could quite easily some days just walk out the door and not come back for a few days - which I would spend sleeping.

I think tiredness makes these feelings much more difficult to ignore. I would definitely second your D taking them away for an entire day at the weekend if that's possible and letting you have a break - for god's sake don't spend it doing housework either :lol: Do something for yourself for a change.

[RealGoneKid]

Most definitely :nod:

I really second (or third) getting some time for yourself. I was feeling very much like you last week and then on Saturday I took the day off :grin: Girlie shopping in the afternoon, home for bathtime then out for a meal with adults :faint: It was fantastic and I feel much better and more able to cope this week.

It is really hard with a hectic toddler and a baby though. Does L go to nursery/preschool at all? I'm sure that the time E spends at nursery does us all (E, W and I) good. She can play with children her own age and generally let off steam, W gets some time on his own where he actually gets some attention and I don't feel torn in two for a couple of hours.

Tons of :higgies: for you. Hope today is better.

[donna-j]

Me too.

HOWEVER, it has got better the last week or so as Clara is more able to amuse herself so Thomas is becoming less jealous. I am trying very hard to accept the mess all around me and focus on Thomas whenever I can rather than zip round tidying up. I am also pathological about having things organised so that it minimises time spent in the house just the two of us.

It's a sign that things are getting better today as I didn't feel the need to do our usual Tuesday morning 'be in Tesco by 9am' thing. We were able to stay in the house without T turning into a horror and me a screaming fishwife.

So, it will get better. Remember it's mostly jealousy combined with that age.

[nellee]

Lilybett, I can really sympathise: DS was the same for about six months from the age of three, starting just before DD was born. I got to the point where I loved him but really didn't like him at all (iIYSWIM) and it felt as if I was constantly telling him off. I felt inadequate and guilty and at the end of my tether.

Things that worked for us: reward charts - the one in the cbeebies magazine was popular, and going to the shop with Daddy to get the comic was a reward in itself; consistent use of naughty step (even though some days he spent more time on it than off...); constant reassurance that we loved him just as much and that he was a great big brother for his new sister; doing things with just me and DS and leaving DD at home with her dad; recognising and pre-empting difficult situations e.g. we had tantrums when he had to stop playing with his toys to come and have lunch or go out, so I started giving him a warning five minutes beforehand.

DS did come through it eventually and is now a normal cheerful and relatively well behaved four year old, but it wasn't nice for any of us at the time. I'm sure things will get better for you, but I know it doesn't feel like it when you're going through it. :hug:

[nellee]

Lilybett, I can really sympathise: DS was the same for about six months from the age of three, starting just before DD was born. I got to the point where I loved him but really didn't like him at all (iIYSWIM) and it felt as if I was constantly telling him off. I felt inadequate and guilty and at the end of my tether.

Things that worked for us: reward charts - the one in the cbeebies magazine was popular, and going to the shop with Daddy to get the comic was a reward in itself; consistent use of naughty step (even though some days he spent more time on it than off...); constant reassurance that we loved him just as much and that he was a great big brother for his new sister; doing things with just me and DS and leaving DD at home with her dad; recognising and pre-empting difficult situations e.g. we had tantrums when he had to stop playing with his toys to come and have lunch or go out, so I started giving him a warning five minutes beforehand.

DS did come through it eventually and is now a normal cheerful and relatively well behaved four year old, but it wasn't nice for any of us at the time. I'm sure things will get better for you, but I know it doesn't feel like it when you're going through it. :hug: