Would anyone like to share NICU experiences with me? [Archive]

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 06:59pm

Hello Mummys :wave2:

I've been thinking about posting this for a while but I wasn't very sure about how to word it. I will be going for my NICU staff nurse interview on the 2nd July and I've fallen in love with the job after visiting a while ago :lurve: The team seemed wonderful and the babies, well what can I say :lurve:

A lot of what I know about NICU is from here (that will be interesting if they ask :oops:) and I when I go for interview I thought it might help just to have a brief insight of what goes on from the parents point of view as that will be a very important part for me. As I'm not a Mummy myself yet I wondered if anyone wanted to share their experiences good or bad of this time. Please don't feel that you have to and also please please don't do it if it will bring back bad memories for you, I really don't want that :higgies: Feel free to reply on here or PM me if you'd rather keep it private.

I will be away from the computer tonight but will check back in the morning (just incase I don't reply to any PMs straight away!)

Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom :flowers:

Pancake01

20-06-2008, 07:01pm

No advice from me as I've thankfully not experienced it, but just wanted to say best of luck with it, I'm sure you'll be fab.

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 07:02pm

Thank you Pancake :higgies: I really hope that no one gets upset trying to tell me things, I'm worried about that :hugs: xx

Adelelee

20-06-2008, 07:08pm

Gosh it all seems so long ago now since Seri was in NICU (then sometimes it feels like yesterday :cry:)

To be the main thing was the care and support I got from the nurses there, I TOTALLY felt like they 120% cared about their patients and loved them (that sounds:loco: I know!)

When I went into the NICU after being released from hospital on the Friday I had not seen Seri since the Tuesday and not held her since 8pm on the Monday night. As I picked her up I was crying so much as you can imagine, I had missed her beyond words. One of the nurses came up to me and said "oh sweetheart dont worry about being parted from her a few days, she knows without a doubt you are her mummy and she loves you so much"

It made me feel so good to be told that after everything we had been through.

Seri was there for two weeks and they were just amazing, her main carer was a nurse called Lisa and she was :lurve::lurve: I remember her telling me that she was a NICU baby and for as long as she could remember that is all she had wanted to do for a job.

They also cared for me too, reminding me to eat and take breaks :nod:

They involved me as MUCH as possible in Seri's care, this was SO important to me, she is MY baby and I NEEDED to be looking after her and they encouraged this totally, even to the degree of teaching me how to do her tube feeds. So even though I could not hold her I was at least STILL feeding her :nod:

Dont know if that has helped at all, as tbh you are a very very caring person anyway so I can just imagine you would be PERFECT in the role :nod::nod:

Good luck :thumb:

xx

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 07:12pm

Adele :cry: that is perfect :lurve: Utterly perfect to know :grin: I'm so glad that you could write about it and that I can make sure that I do that for another Mummy:nod: The things that you talk about are exactly the things that I should remember, involving the Mummy as much as possible and constant reassurance that the baby knows and loves her already despite the possible distance :lurve:

Thank you so so much :flowers:

Lemony Posset

20-06-2008, 07:15pm

Sorry if this is a stoopid question :oops:, but is NICU different to SCBU? (I have experience of the latter that I'd be happy to spout on about, but obviously will keep quiet if not relevant :lol:).

In any case, good luck with your interview, I hope you are successful!

Puffy

20-06-2008, 07:17pm

SCBU is the Special Care Baby Unit and NICU is Neonatal Intensive Care I think

Peridot

20-06-2008, 07:19pm

Just posting here so I remember to post back later - I think it will be a Longggggggggggg post :lol:

Lemony, Thomas was on both - NICU is the intensive care bit as Pops has suggested. I have to say I thought there was a HUGE HUGE difference between the 2 and a very noticable difference between treatment & nurses etc.
anyway - will be back later once DH has gone out to the gym :wink:

Bubble

20-06-2008, 07:41pm

Neve was in NICU after she was born. I agree wholeheartedly with Adele's post :nod: We always felt involved with Neve's care, we were informed about every little thing to do with her care and every little change that happened. She had a primary nurse who always took time to explain things to us, no matter how long it took and how many questions we asked. Whilst she was still very poorly, she encouraged us to do as much day-to-day care as we could - in the early days, this was just changing nappies, but then progressed to feeding her as she got a bit better.

The nurses all seemed to care so much for all the babies and you could really see that they loved their jobs.

I really take my hat off to anybody who works in NICU :nod:

wednesday

20-06-2008, 07:44pm

My son was in nicu/scbu for 4 months The most important thing for me was being allowed to do his care. One day the nurse in charge told me that i was to do whatever i wanted and just ask if i needed help That meant a lot. Sam was in there for so long in the end he had his own corner with a box for his clothes and one for his toys and they even got a baby gym for him from the childrens ward
I cannot fault the staff there the nurses anyway some of the doctors were a different matter :zombie:

*Marti*

20-06-2008, 07:59pm

I liked the way they explained everything to me and kept me involved with my daughters care. They encouraged me to touch her and said i could go down whenever as could dh.

they made me feel confident in my parenting and supported my want to breastfeed, phoning me throughout the night when she wanted to feed.

They also picked up on the fact i was feeling sh*t and told me how beautiful she was and how she was the most awake when i was there. this all helped with bonding.

myzzterri

20-06-2008, 08:06pm

whilst not being in for as long as Wednsdays son, Euwyn was in for quite some time (10 weeks).

It became home from home for us (in fact we only actually went home to sleep - we even ate at the hospital most days).

Although obviously a very difficult time, it was also a special time iyswim - we only have to hear the beeps of one of the machines on tv & it takes us back:nod:

We were very well looked after - they care about the parents as much as they care about the babies & we built up a very good relationship with several of the nurses there:nod:
They were there for the good times & the bad - we both cried on a few shoulders.........

And like everyone else, we were encouraged to be hands-on parents from day 1 - even when all we could do was pop a hand in his incubator for a few seconds......... That was so important to us, being treated like his parents (one of the bad times was when a nurse who wasn't one of his normal carers snapped at me that I wasn't to touch him:shock: Any of the others would have gently told us that he was having a "naughty" moment & just to leave him for a little while............)

Anyhoo - anything else you need to know, just holler

Peridot

20-06-2008, 09:39pm

I'm back :wink:

Thomas wasn't in NICU for long in comparison to others. he wasn't premature which is the main reason for this so was only in special care for a total of 10 days, 5 of which were NICU, 2 of which he was ventolated and 2 on CPAP, 1 just in a cot.

When I tried to remember what my biggest memories from that time are, my list was this (I'll add more detail underneath):

being told the worst
My 1st visit to see Thomas in NICU was basically to be told the worst, that there was no more they could do for my son and that they gave him between 2 & 24 hours (obviously he proved that bit wrong :rock: )
Looking back, being told news like this is obviously, utterly devastating but the doctors & nurses were so sensitive and handled it so well - they made eye contact with me and were 100% honest with me, they made, what I thought could be some of my only hours with my son bearable - showing me how to open the incubator from the side so that I could actually lay my head next to Thomas's and lay my hand on his tummy - okay, so its nothing like most women get but to me those moments were so, so special and I felt so close to my son & as though there was no one else around - they respected my need for alone time with Thomas but were close enough if I needed them!

learning cares
To me this is one of the most important parts, learning nappy chanded, tube feeds, washing etc & being the one to do rather than feeling utterly useless meant everything to me & especially DH. Our nurse talked us through all the tubes & wires Thomas was hooked up to and what the machines and bleeps meant & it was fantastic to know, especially so that we didn't panic every time something went off :thumb:
Also the advice to be around each morning for the doctors rounds so that we could ask questions was invaluable!

my nurse
Well i mean Thomas's nurse :lol: she was utterly amazing :cry: I will never forget how much she has touched my families life and will always be grateful to her. She treated me as a mother which is something I really didn't feel at the time, she made me feel like Thomas was my son 1st and her patient 2nd and I can't tell you just how important that was to me. She never really talked about any of the things that had happened with thomas if I wasn't there (other than important medical things) she never made me feel left out and she definately showed that she had emotional attachment to us as well, not just a patient thing where she would just switch off.
The evening where I got to hold my baby for the 1st time, she was beaming to meet me and had set up a comfy chair for me with cushions etc.
She passed him to me then just seemed to fade away and allowed me & Dh to have such an important bond with Thomas. I remember turning around and seeing her and 2 other nurses just standing there in tears watching us, the compassion they had was amazing :nod:
she knew I was feeling really low and managed to sort out a stay in the parenting suite for me & DH which made a huge difference to us, I think we stayed in it for 4 nights.

Apologies that this is so long !!

The difference between NICU & SCBU was HUGE & I would say how things ended up in SCBU were the issues I found hardest to deal with.
In Scbu I felt
- Thomas was their patient, i was just a spare part that got in their way
- I wasn't told things like when he was put under the lamps for jaundis, no one warned me, I just walked in to see this screaming, freezing cold baby, alone under the lamps with the goggles on and it was heart breaking :no:
- They didn't take on board any of my emotional needs, their needs were to do Thomas's cares and that was it
- I basically failed at breast feeding because they made me feel like a failure about the way I was doing it and even about the way I was expressing

Sorry for the downer at the end there but the contrast between the 2 is unbelievable, had SCBU treated me in the same way NICU did I really don't think I would've felt as bad as I did for so many months.

Ultimately they all did a FAB FAB job in getting my little boy better but I will never forget how well we were treated in NICU & actually remember it fondly :smile:

Good luck with your new job, I can imagine it will be a rollercoaster of a job and respect you so much for doing it :bow:

sunshine

20-06-2008, 10:00pm

This thread has brought tears to my eyes, it is so moving.

Chuckle I cant think of a more kind, gentle, wise and thoughtful person to do this job. I think you will be fantastic with the babies and the parents too.

Good luck girl:higgies:

parkejm

20-06-2008, 10:57pm

I got back from hosptial about an hour ago visiting a friend who gave birth on monday and her baby is in NICU. She has a lot of very positive things to say but the one thing that she seemed to have taken to heart is the fact that they keep telling her things like 'we don't know why her breathing isn't right, it might have something to do with you pushing at the wrong time during labour'.

She's sure they mean nothing by it but it's very upsetting to be sort of blamed for what has happened to her baby (3wks early) especially when they don't really know what the problem is. She couldn't feel when to push and the baby was delivered with forceps so she feels bad enough already.

Sorry it's not first hand experience but I just thought I'd mention it seeing as I've literally just seen her.

Adelelee

20-06-2008, 11:00pm

'we don't know why her breathing isn't right, it might have something to do with you pushing at the wrong time during labour'.

I would have been devastated if someone had implied something like that to me :no:

The only negative thing that happened to us from a nurse was the night Seri was born and was taken to ICU when she stopped breathing and one of the nurses there asked us if we had taken pictures of her. We said yes but asked her why. She just looked at us and said "well maybe you want to take more" She just chilled me to the bone :cry: and it was at that point I really feared that something may happen to my baby.

I think she was trying to be helpful but was just very untactful!

Angel

20-06-2008, 11:06pm

This thread has made me :cry:

I dont even know where to begin :no: but I :bow: to anyone working in that environment

Mrs B

20-06-2008, 11:19pm

I too am in tears reading this, what some of you mums have been through.:higgies:

Anyway, again not first hand experience but my only visit to see a friends baby in SCBU (not NICU but I still feel it relevant) is that all the nurses were so cheerful; it must have been very easy to feel down and depressed in that sort of situation but they were so upbeat and I know that helped my friend a lot.

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 11:47pm

Wow ladies! I'm totally overwhelmed by the amount of support and advice I've had on here I can't tell you how much it means :hugs: I was going to reply to you by PM but they're a but funny at the mo so I hope you don't mind me replying to you all on here. I want to do it seperately as you've all opened your hearts for me and I want you to know how much I appreciate it :nod:

Firstly Adele, I know I wrote to you after you post but wanted to say again how grateful I am and how
wonderful it is to hear how well Seri is doing now and how you've helped GOSH so much since it happened with your fundraising at her christening :lurve:

Lemony, I'd love to hear your stories if you fell able to talk about them SCBU or NICU I will be working and training on both so they're equally helpful :nod: Thank you x

Peridot, :wow: what can I say! I'm so so happy that you are able to talk to me about this knowing that wonderful Thomas is sleeping soundly (I hope!!) I'm so glad that you're little fighter proved them wrong after such a frightening time. You're so right about the machinery, as a student on (adult) ICU it was the first thing I explained to a family as I know how frightening they sound (they did to me on the first day!) and how it helps to feel 'in control' of the worry. I'm sorry that your experience in SCBU wasn't as good but I'm so glad that you had such lovely nurses for the majority and I hope that I can be like one of them!

Bubble, thanks so mcuh for sharing your story. You are so right about how important information is for parents, everyone here has expressed that and you're all so right :nod: I loved what you said about how they loved the job and the babies :lurve: I'm so glad that you have your darling Neve to prove how wonderful they were :grin:

Wednesday, thanks for sharing Sam's story, he sounds like a wee fighter :lurve: I'm so glad that they supported you and that they got you so involved with his care :nod: That is obviously what every mother needs and I loved the bit about his toy box :lurve:!

Marti, thank you sweety, especially as this must be so fresh in your mind :higgies: I'm so glad that you and the darling Roxy are home now with each other and your little family :nod: It's great that they made you feel so confident and that they supported you when you were feeling so lost and poorly :higgies:

Myzzterri, I'm so glad that you were encouraged to be hands on as well, I think that's so so important :nod: Your nurse sounds very special indeed and I can only hope that I can be as supportive as she was. I'm very sure that I will be shedding many a tear over this job and I'm glad this didn't upset you (something I would worry about) you've put my mind at rest about that :nod:

Sunshine, what can I say? Thank you so so much for what you wrote :oops: It means so much to me that someone that I've only met once IRL can have such confidence in me, thank you sweety. I hope all your dreams come true :hugs:

Parkejm, thank you so much for helping me with information from your friend. Please send her a huge :higgies: from me and encourage her that because she has shared that with you (and me) that I will never ever cause a Mummy to question her part n why her baby is in NICU, I'm so sorry that she went through that :hugs: I'm glad that her other experiences have been more positive and I hope and pray that she's home soon with her wee bundle :lurve:

Finally (sorry if I've missed new posts since this!) Angel, please don't cry darling :higgies: you don't have to even start talking about it if it will upset you at all :happyno: I certainly :bow: to you too, having worked in the community before this I know how hard your job is :higgies:

Phew! Sorry that was such a long post but I really didn't want to miss any of you. I've :cry: over all your stories and I want you to know that you're increadible increadible women and Mummys to have gone through all of that and come out smiling and willing to help me :nod: I really am :pray: that I get this job because I'm desperate to get out there and put EVERYTHING that you've told me into practice. Please go to sleep tonight (or tomorrow because you're prob already be asleep by the time I've posted this!) knowing that because you wrote to a 'stranger' on the internet some Mummys and Daddys in the future will have the benefit of your advice and hopefully I'll be able to make a small difference during their scary time :nod:

Ah I feel all emotional now, better go to bed!

Good night and thank you again from the bottom of my heart :hugs: xxxxxx

wednesday

20-06-2008, 11:48pm

The only time anything negative was said to me was one of the older nurses asking if we wanted him christened when he was 3 days old but the christening was treated with the greatest sensitivity They always took my concerns on board and the night staff even phoned me the morning after he came home to see how he was. The day they told me he could come home they even asked if i could be there for rounds as they wanted me to hear it first from the doctor.
Im crying here its 12 years ago but it never goes away

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 11:52pm

:wave2: Mrs B, you wrote that while I was writing my mammoth essay! You are so right about that. I'm lucky in that I'm generally a cheerful person so I hope that it will carry me when times get tough. I know that there are going to be times when I won't be able to hold back from being upset but thankfully now I've read peoples stories I know that parents don't seem to mind if the nurse gets upset, I guess it just goes to show how much they love and scare for them too :nod:

BTW, SCBU experience just as relevant for me so thanks so much for sharing :flowers:

chuckle_monster

20-06-2008, 11:56pm

Oh Wednesday, I'm sorry to bring back all the frightening memories but I'm so glad that you can talk about it :higgies: It sounds like you had a wonderful team there :nod: I agree it must be a terrifying thing to be asked if you want a christening and I'm so glad that they handled it so sensitively. Big hugs, sorry to bring the tears :hugs:xx

wednesday

21-06-2008, 12:37am

Hes 5ft 7 now I took him to the doctors a few weeks ago and she looked at him and said you were 1lb 13 and burst out laughing

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 07:26am

Hes 5ft 7 now I took him to the doctors a few weeks ago and she looked at him and said you were 1lb 13 and burst out laughing

Awwwww how sweet

xx

Peridot

21-06-2008, 08:08am

Hes 5ft 7 now I took him to the doctors a few weeks ago and she looked at him and said you were 1lb 13 and burst out laughing

:teehee:

No probs CM :higgies:
The thought that my story could help some one else means so much to me, I'd love to be able to volunteer in places like this just to be able to be there for the parents and hold their hands & cuddle the babies but I don't think that sort of thing exists.
I do think the biggest thing is the shock, you never ever expect to find yourself in this situation!

Princess Fiona

21-06-2008, 08:14am

I'll send you a proper PM later, both Lucy and Max were in special care, both very different experiences tbh, Lucy's Special Care team were ok, but wern't very in touch with the parents but Max's Special Care team were utterly fabulous (2 different hospitals too)

Will have a think and PM you when i've got more time!

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 08:19am

I do think the biggest thing is the shock, you never ever expect to find yourself in this situation!

Totally agree with that:nod: I remember sitting with Seri after she had she op and just thinking "we should NOT be here" :no:

August Girl

21-06-2008, 08:26am

Chuckle, i think you would be wonderful for the job :nod:

Just thought I'd let you know there is a programme on Sky 3 today at 2:30 and 3:00 called Babies at Risk about the SCBU. I watched it last week and definitely needed the tissues :cry:

Peridot

21-06-2008, 08:37am

Totally agree with that:nod: I remember sitting with Seri after she had she op and just thinking "we should NOT be here" :no:

same here & tbh, I don't mean this to come out the wrong way as I think everyone feels this way but I kept thinking "My baby is full term, this is for premature babies"
Obviously in an ideal world no-one would need it but I couldn't get my head around the fact that 24hours before I was being induced with the knowledge that I was full term with a healthy baby.
I remember being in with a lady who was 24 weeks when she had her DD (who also did fantastically and was out 8 weeks later :thumb: )
she must have been in such shock, she told me she had gone into work later that week! Of course they sent her home but just shows the shock I guess!

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 08:42am

same here & tbh, I don't mean this to come out the wrong way as I think everyone feels this way but I kept thinking "My baby is full term,

That is what I could not get my head around, she seemed perfect when she was born, and it all happened so quick later that night!

*Marti*

21-06-2008, 10:07am

same here & tbh, I don't mean this to come out the wrong way as I think everyone feels this way but I kept thinking "My baby is full term, this is for premature babies"
!

totally agree, we were surrounded by utterly tiny babies that looked like dollys and there was my bruiser sat in the corner. I know she wasnt as ill as the other babies, or as some damsels babies but i just sat there thinking we should be at home, a family, she should be with me, not in that box:cry:

have shed a tear reading this thread:cry:

We also had a letter on leaving the scbu that said her apgar atbirth was only 1, thats practically dead:-( Just shows how amazing these people are at their jobs. I wont forget that one nurse beaming at me saying "oh look, she knows you are her mummy" as i talked over her and she was looking for me:lurve:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:21am

Hes 5ft 7 now I took him to the doctors a few weeks ago and she looked at him and said you were 1lb 13 and burst out laughing

Wow that's wonderful :lurve:!

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:23am

The thought that my story could help some one else means so much to me,

:nod: It absolutely will and I will be forever grateful that everyone has been so honest about such a hard time :flowers:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:24am

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:27am

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:29am

Peridot and Adele, I bet that's a huge feeling among parents :nod: The 'this kind of thing doesn't happen to me' it's exactly how I felt when my Mum had a cancer scare and you just realise that these things do happen to just anyone and it's frightening :higgies:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 10:31am

I wont forget that one nurse beaming at me saying "oh look, she knows you are her mummy" as i talked over her and she was looking for me:lurve:

Oh Marti, that's priceless :lurve: I'm so sorry that this thread made you cry :hugs: I'm so so glad that you and your precious Roxy are back home now, the apgar scare must have been so frightening to see, she's a little fighter :lurve:

twirlygirly

21-06-2008, 11:03am

The difference between NICU & SCBU was HUGE & I would say how things ended up in SCBU were the issues I found hardest to deal with.
In Scbu I felt
- Thomas was their patient, i was just a spare part that got in their way
- I wasn't told things like when he was put under the lamps for jaundis, no one warned me, I just walked in to see this screaming, freezing cold baby, alone under the lamps with the goggles on and it was heart breaking :no:
- They didn't take on board any of my emotional needs, their needs were to do Thomas's cares and that was it
- I basically failed at breast feeding because they made me feel like a failure about the way I was doing it and even about the way I was expressing

Sorry for the downer at the end there but the contrast between the 2 is unbelievable, had SCBU treated me in the same way NICU did I really don't think I would've felt as bad as I did for so many months.

Oh Peridot, there shouldn't be any difference, I'm so sorry you were treated so badly.
Are ITU and SCBU separate in your hospital?
Where I work it's all one. The neonatal unit is made up of 3 nurseries. ITU, HDU and SCBU but they are all staffed by the same nurses who rotate between the 3 rooms.
:hug:

Adifferentnutty mumof3

21-06-2008, 11:20am

I hope you don't mind me posting as I haven't had a baby in NICU or SCUBU but I do do some work with women who donate milk for the milk bank in Special care.

It's such an amazing gift to give and some women who donate are women whose first babies were in special care and with subsequent children they wanted to give something back so donate!

I also wanted to say that if you have a baby under six months you can donate milk to the special care units and it will be used to help sick babies whose mums maybe haven't had milk come in as baby was too prem or need more milk than they can produce.
A wonderful way to help those babies!! :nod: :nod:

Peridot

21-06-2008, 12:19pm

Oh Peridot, there shouldn't be any difference, I'm so sorry you were treated so badly.
Are ITU and SCBU separate in your hospital?
Where I work it's all one. The neonatal unit is made up of 3 nurseries. ITU, HDU and SCBU but they are all staffed by the same nurses who rotate between the 3 rooms.
:hug:

Its okay, I think I probably look at it as worse than it actually was because I remember it as my unhappy time in hospital where as the bit in the NICU I actually remember with fond memories which you wouldn't think :lol:
It wasn't completly seperate but it was at the opposite end to the NICU and all the nurses were completely different to the NICU ones.
I think there was a higher nurse:baby ratio compared to NICU and they just seemed stressed and as though they didn't have enough time.
A lot of the others babies in the SCBU bit had been there for 2-3 months so they didn't have their parents with them at all times (not a critisism, totally understandable that unfortuantely life has to go on, on the outside world especially when you have more children) but because of that I felt like I just got in their way and they didn't seem to want to spend time answering my q's etc. They even took a chair away from me at 1 point which was awful considering I was 5 days post csection!

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 12:34pm

They even took a chair away from me at 1 point which was awful considering I was 5 days post csection!

:shock::shock::cry:

BrokenFairy

21-06-2008, 01:04pm

:no: I don't think I could bare to talk about my experience of SCBU and NICU.

I haven't read much of the thread but agree with the comment that nurses were lovely but doctors... :cry:

santafi

21-06-2008, 01:16pm

My middle daughter was in the NICU at The Royal Berkshire Hospital (Reading) for 12 days and the staff in there were literally second to none.

She was born at just under 35 weeks and we were in a normal post natal ward when she stopped breathing and suffered full cardiac arrest. Luckily (?) she was resucitated and was in the NICU for 12 days. It was all such a shock and if she hadn't have been in the hospital at the time they wouldn't have taken her as they were full and were already turning babies away but they found us a space in the corner and from then on they were amazing.

The staff became our family, the senior ward sister (Peggy) took over the role of my mum and I don't know what I would have done without her. My parents weren't able to be with us as they were looking after my other 2 kids and I needed a 'mum' to tell me what to do and to give me a damn good hug every hour or so. Peggy was wonderful and took the time to explain everything and even when she wasn't our named nurse she always made a point of coming over and making sure I was ok.

I was in the unit so much that I was added to the tea/coffee list and was constantly reminded to drink my tea and go and get some food.

When Imogen died I honestly believe the staff were as heartbroken as we were. It was a planned death in some ways as every test result came back negative (that was a killer - seeing the looks on the doctors/nurses faces when they realised there wasn't anything they could treat going on) and with the lack of progress getting her off the ventilator it became very clear that she wasn't going to survive. The unit virtually cleared out when we got our children in to say goodbye to their sister and we got as much privacy as was possible in such a busy unit. When the time came to take her off the ventilator it was all arranged that it should happen before ward rounds, and before the unit got busy.

I'll never forget the look on the doctors face when he pronounced her dead, it was as if he'd lost his own daughter, not a patient he'd only known for 12 days.

When I had my youngest daughter a couple of years later Peggy was still working the ward and she looked after her when she was admitted to the NICU. From what's been said she used her role as Senior nurse to make sure she got to look after her and instantly put me at ease. I'm sure she had to look up the previous notes to remind herself of my name and the names of the other children but it honestly felt as if she remembered us. She turned what could have been another terrifying experience into a relatively ok time.

I couldn't be a NICU nurse - the heartbreak they have to deal with on an almost daily basis would kill me off. I couldn't cope with it and I have every admiration for those who can.

It takes a very special person to be a NICU nurse as you don't just have the nursing needs of the baby to deal with but also the emotional and physical needs of the parents as well.

I wish you every luck with your interview and will pass on some advice from the great Peggy "all we do is love the babies and care for their parents, every else is up to the baby themselves".

wednesday

21-06-2008, 01:57pm

santafi :higgies:

myzzterri

21-06-2008, 02:26pm

oh Santafi:higgies: :higgies:

Peridot

21-06-2008, 02:42pm

Santafi :higgies:

Angel

21-06-2008, 04:08pm

Ok, I feel a little less emotional this morning (damn AF :oops:)

The NICU where Jacob was was made up of 3 rooms. ITU, HDU and SCBU also affectionately known as the departure lounge to those of us who had been through all 3 rooms :laff:. The nurses rotated around all 3 rooms although some did seem to spend more time in some rooms than others - I guess depending on their preferences. There was a much higher ratio of nurses to babies in ITU than SCBU I think it was 1:2 in ITU and 1:2 or 3 in HDU depending on how sick the babies were. When J had his septicaemia he was on a 1:1 for the first 24hs.

When I gave birth to Jacob there was a NICU nurse and a paeds registrar in theatre at the time and who resuscitated him. We were very lucky though that his APGARS were 8 and 9 (Alex's were 6 and 2 :cry: but then he had a respiratory arrest after birth). When he was stable they took him across the corridor to NICU in a portable incubator. Danni (the nurse who was a TOTAL :angel:) came back to recovery to tell me how he was and how things were progressing. We told them his name at birth and she reassured me that he'd be known as that and not Baby "x" as it was really important to me.

We were told we could have 24hr access to NICU and phone any time day or night even if we'd just left ! We tended to phone last thing at night and first thing in the morning to see how he was although you do DREAD the phone ringing when you're at home just incase it's THAT phonecall :cry:.

I didn't get to NICU to see Jacob until the following morning as I was so poorly but I couldn't hold him as he was all wired up and ventilated. The nurse looking after him those two first days was a lovely older lady called Rosa who was so experienced and really knew her stuff. She reassured me about all the tubes and wires and even though I could only put my hands through the portholes on the incubator she helped me do his cares and change his nappy too. That was so important to feel that I could do something as the feeling of helplessness in that situation is immense. She encouraged me to talk to him too as she said he's used to hearing your voice all the time and now it's gone. It'll make him feel safe and secure hearing his Mummy :cry:

They didn't mind that I was in and out every few hours those first few days and even took time out to show me how to hand express to get the colostrum and the following day (when I got my first cuddle :lurve:) Rosa even encouraged me to put him to the breast and nuzzle which was so overwhelming.

Even when he was so sick and we thought we were going to lose him the nurses were AMAZING. They got used to seeing me in floods of tears and understood if I was angry and just listened even if I was being totally irrational :oops:. They accomodated Alex if we had to take him in and involved him too if possible and took a lovely photo of him having his first cuddle.

We were encouraged to take as many photos as possible as it's true that babies in there change every day. They brought one over to me on the ward after I got back from theatre as I'd never really seen my baby and that was so precious. We have a lovely photo collection now charting his days in NICU and seeing the change is phenomenal.

I agree with Peridot and Adelelee though as I never expected to ever be in that situation. I'd look at J in the incubator on the ventilator and heavily sedated and think "why us ? why my poor little baby ?" and then you get upset with yourself for not being able to protect your baby.

Do listen to parents though. We did have a couple of nurses who didn't listen really and made me feel totally inadequate. One of the nurses just after we moved from HDU to SCBU made me feel that I was holding him wrong, dressing him wrong, feeding him wrong etc and I left in tears that day. My DH actually went back and spoke to her and explained that I was upset and I got an apology next time I saw her but it didn't help.

You'll learn alot from just listening to parents and seeing the range of emotions they go through. It's like a rollercoaster, you veer from elation to despair to frustration. Really you're caring not just for the baby but for the parents as well as it's the worst thing in the world to go through. We had only 6 weeks of it but hearing that we could go home I hugged the consultant :oops:

We're going to be raising money over the next few months to give to NICU to mark Jacob's first birthday as without them he wouldn't be here. What more fantastic job can there be ? It's hard at times especially when you lose a baby - they lost one while J was in ITU and the whole atmosphere of the place changes and it's heartbreaking but how you deal with that God only knows.

I think the thing I learned as a parent in there (even though I've been a Dr in a SCBU) is that doctors and nurses are just the same as anyone else. They have good days and bad days and no one is infallable. Everyone says things they wish they hadn't or things come out wrong and it's never meant with malice or with blame but by the nature of the environment everyone is super sensitive so be aware of what you say !

Wishing you all the luck in the world honey :higgies:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:06pm

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:07pm

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:08pm

They even took a chair away from me at 1 point which was awful considering I was 5 days post csection!

I can't actually believe I've just read that :zombie:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:10pm

:no: I don't think I could bare to talk about my experience of SCBU and NICU.

I haven't read much of the thread but agree with the comment that nurses were lovely but doctors... :cry:

That's absolutely fine sweety, I certainly don't want to bring back any upsetting memories unecessarily :higgies: I'm so sorry that your doctors weren't great :hugs: I hope I can be as lovely as your nurses!

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:17pm

I wish you every luck with your interview and will pass on some advice from the great Peggy "all we do is love the babies and care for their parents, every else is up to the baby themselves".

What wonderful words :lurve: I will always remember them :nod:

Santafi :higgies: Thank you so so much for sharing such a personal and touching story. I cried when I realised that you'd lost your beautiful Isobel and I'm so glad that you had such a wonderful and compasionate team to help you through it. How wonderful that Peggy 'took you on' when your youngest daughter was in the unit too, she sounds like a very special woman :nod: I absolutely agree with you, if I get the job I know it will be a huge emotional drain on me but I will have a small amount of protection as I'm not yet a Mummy myself so I couldn't fully put myself in their shoes. I don't know how I'll cope until it happens I suppose but all I can do is pray that I can cope as admirabley as all of the wonderful staff that you've all encountered! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me :higgies: x

guinness

21-06-2008, 05:24pm

I'll tell you in person :grin:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:25pm

Wow Angel, thank you so much for writing too even though I know it was hard :higgies: I'm so grateful that you were so honest and told me about the things to watch out for too. You're right, we are all human and I need to know about things to watch out for! You unit sounds very much like the one I will train in :thumb: It's great to hear the non nursey things too like the phone calls and photographs, so important! I didn't realise you'd been a doctor on SCBU, that must have been very tough. Hooray for you, raising money for Jacobs first birthday, I think that's a wonderful thing to do :lurve: Thanks again for sharing xx

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 05:26pm

I'll tell you in person :grin:

Hooray :grin: As long as I don't end up in floods of :cry: in public :teehee: I can't wait!xx

guinness

21-06-2008, 05:29pm

:higgies: santafi :cry:

*Fallen Angel*

21-06-2008, 06:44pm

I've had tears reading this thread :cry:

Jess wasn't in ITU when she was born but did end up there with pneumonia last September when she was just 2 years old. Thankfully she only spent 48 hours there, but I will never forget the wonderful nurse who looked after her, let me ask endless questions, even if they were the same ones over and over again and generally reassured me.

You have to be an amazingly special person to do this job and from what I "know" of you on here Chuckle, I think you'll do marvellously. Good luck with the interview.

Lemony Posset

21-06-2008, 07:39pm

Santafi :higgies:.

I've started and stopped writing this lots of times over the last day so I hope it makes some sense!

Lottie was born at just over 35 weeks, at just over 5lbs, so not too early or too tiny. Her birth was awful, a caesarean which took a long time, with lots of pushing and shoving and forceps. She was in SCBU for 9 days, the first day in a higher dependency room in an incubator, the rest of the time in a normal cot sometimes with monitoring. Initially I think she was taken up to SCBU because she was early, and because she needed painkillers after delivery. She stayed in for that long because of feeding problems although tbh I'm still not sure whether they were assumed (due to her age) or actual feeding problems.

Unfortunately my experience of SCBU was very similar to Peridot's and I nodded along with all the SCBU points in her post - from finding her hooked back up to a heart monitor one morning with no explanation (it turned out they wanted her to try her sleeping on her tummy) to feeling like a failure for not expressing enough milk and trying to breastfeed.

I actually found the Doctors ok, when you could find them, but some of the nurses were so unpleasant :no:. Actually, I think if Lottie had had to stay in any longer I would've formally complained about one nurse in particular, she was such a b!tch and made me feel like everything I did was wrong, it was such a relief when she went away for a few days. Actually - just read Angel's post - she was just like this but it went on for days:
One of the nurses just after we moved from HDU to SCBU made me feel that I was holding him wrong, dressing him wrong, feeding him wrong etc and I left in tears that day. Even with the more ok nurses, they all had their own way of doing things which was the only 'right' way.

On the other hand, there was one lovely night-shift nurse who was sympathetic and caring, and made the experience so much better,and helped me to see that she did need her Mummy too.

I think, as a :geek: who loves to have as much information as possible, I found the lack of any useful information really hard - no-one really told us how she was doing, or how long she'd be there, or who staff members were or what their roles were. (This was probably compounded by no-one in delivery / post-natal wards really talking to us about what had happened either).

And things did get better towards the end, once we'd got over the initial shock and had learnt how things worked - for example knowing to be around at a particular time for the consultant's rounds so we could find out what was going on.

I hope I don't sound utterly ungrateful, because I'm not. I am so thankful that my little girl is ok, and I think they did a good job of looking after her. I was also - and still am - really humbled by what some parents and babies manage to cope with.

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 09:15pm

Thank you FA, that's so lovely of you :lurve: I'm so glad that your darling Jess got a wonderful nurse :nod: x

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 09:18pm

Oh Lemony, I'm so sorry your experience wasn't as positive :higgies: What you say really does enforce the fact that parents should have as much info as they want and feel they can cope with and it should be made sure that they know everything that happends along the way :nod: I will do my very best to do that ALL the time. I'm glad that you got a good night shift nurse, there always seems to be a really lovely one in every bunch!:higgies:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 09:21pm

I just want to make a brief but heartfelt apology on here to Santafi. A very kind damsel pointed out to me that I'd called Santafi's darling daughter Imogen by the wrong name when I replied to her post. I was so afraid of replying to the wrong people/making a terrible mistake like this that I even wrote down notes when I read the posts and I don't know what happened when I wrote her reply :cry:

I'm so sorry Santafi and to your darling angel Imogen :higgies: xxx

santafi

21-06-2008, 09:24pm

I was a complete cowbag when Imogen was sick - I read the charts and insisted on having them explained to me, asked to know what the ok ranges on the monitors were and what was a concern and what was just an irritation and what each and every test they ran was for.

I'm a great believer in asking as many questions as possible from as many people to get the most possible information available.

I made a point of being on the ward for ward rounds and actually sat by the warmer while they were actually talking about her. Sometimes I felt like wearing a sign round my neck saying "Imogen's mummy" but once the staff realised I was ok with all the information they had, good and bad I was included a lot more.

ETA - CM, it's fine honestly. As I said in my PM I mix the kids names up all the time and I live with the little horrors!!

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 09:30pm

Thanks Santafi :higgies: My Mum goes through almost all of her 8 siblings before she gets to my name sometimes :teehee:

I imagine that I would be exactly the same as you, I'd want to know EVERYTHING even if they thought I didn't need too :nod: When I was a student on adult ITU I made a point of asking the relatives, some said I don't want too many details which I obviously respected but if they wanted to know everything I explained everything :nod: At the end of the day you are the parent and you would be making the decisions if you were at home so you should absolutely be part of the 'procedings' in NICU :nod:

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 09:38pm

They brought one over to me on the ward after I got back from theatre as I'd never really seen my baby and that was so precious

That was another things the nurses did for me, as I was in a different hospital to Seri they took some pics of her, got them laminated and gave them to P to bring over to me, they mean so so much to me and I spent hours and hours looking at them when we were separated:cry:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 09:54pm

That was another things the nurses did for me, as I was in a different hospital to Seri they took some pics of her, got them laminated and gave them to P to bring over to me, they mean so so much to me and I spent hours and hours looking at them when we were separated:cry:

:lurve: Adele, how precious :lurve: I bet you look at them now and then look at her and think :wow: :cry: :grin::cheer2: x

wednesday

21-06-2008, 11:15pm

The one thing i think you should be aware of is when due dates are . I had it in my head that sam would be coming home on his due date but he was still in nicu at the time he had been misbehaving and i was in a foul mood all weekend and got told off by one of the staff as there were much sicker babies than him but at that time all the other babies who were born at the same time as him had gone home

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 11:17pm

:lurve: Adele, how precious :lurve: I bet you look at them now and then look at her and think :wow: :cry: :grin::cheer2: x

Constantly :lurve::lurve::lurve:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 11:19pm

Wednesday, good tip thanks:nod: That must have been so frustrating for you :higgies: Yes ok, there are almost always people in a worse situation but he was YOUR baby and you wanted him home :hugs:

chuckle_monster

21-06-2008, 11:19pm

Constantly :lurve::lurve::lurve:

I've just looked at you pics of Seri in your sig and thought exactly the same :lurve:

Adelelee

21-06-2008, 11:31pm

I've just looked at you pics of Seri in your sig and thought exactly the same :lurve:

Bless you :kiss:

Angel

22-06-2008, 09:44am

I was exactly the same as Santafi. I wanted to know everything good or bad. I tried to be there for as many ward rounds as possible even though I found them very stressful - sat there with my heart pounding and sweaty palms just incase they said something I didn't want to hear. I asked so many questions and stressed to them that even though I was a Dr I was really only J's Mummy and they took that on board. As I said before, in NICU you're caring for the parents as well as the child. I had many a hug off the nurses when I sat there in tears for no other reason than I just couldn't cope with it anymore.

I do remember one day though that I got there and all was well but I felt we just weren't getting anywhere fast - which happens I guess but I was just frustrated. The noise of all the alarms and monitors becomes just background noise most of the time but this one day I just couldn't bear it and had to leave even though I felt I was abandoning my baby. I stood outside the door of NICU and just sobbed and the lovely nurse looking after J that day came out to check I was ok and encouraged me back in.

That first picture is so precious and I still look at it now and think :wow: you are such a little miracle.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v187/sarahrushton/Day1_01.jpg

Chicky Noops

22-06-2008, 11:04am

Wow emotional thread!

I am a little bit different as we ended up on a neo-natal unit when Fin was 4 weeks old as he had Pyloric Stenosis.

We arrived via ambulance transfer from Doncaster to Sheffield and it was about midnight when we arrived. I didn't have a clue what to expect and we didn't have much stuff for Finlay with us as it was an unexpected 'trip'.

My first memories are of the nurse 'Sue' cooing over Fin, saying how gorgeous he was - no doubt they say this about every baby but that was just the thing I wanted to hear to be honest. She showed us where the spare supplies of clothes were (although a lot were too small - Finlay was 7lbs and a lot of it was premmie stuff)

We stayed the whole 4 days he was in (which I know is a drop on the ocean compared to others' stays) and like Peridot, I look back on the experience with fond memories. I, too, took a keen interest in all the observations, his notes and I asked lots of questions. All of which were patiently and sensitively answered.

I liked the fact that we were on first name terms with the nurses, and I really feel like I got to know them in that 4 days. One actually said she was sad to see us go! As we had been so helpful (they were short-staffed one night and asked us to do the night feeds for Finlay once he had had his op - of course I would, they didn't even need to ask, it was MY job!) Up until that point he had been nil-by-mouth.

The Drs were great too and injected a hint of humour amongst the beeps of the machines. Of course they were serious when they had to be but we were able to think of them as real people and not just Dr so and so with his suit on.

I am 'lucky' as Finlay's situation wasn't life-threatening and I knew they were going to perform a routine op to make him better so I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. My heart breaks when I thinkg of the other little babies in there who had never had a feed (drip instead) or never been home yet they all said how fantastic the nurses were.

So yes, my advice would be first name terms, try to get to know the parents a little more (what do they do? Any other kids etc?) and as someone else said, be cheerful and happy and keep spirits up.

After we left, we sent in a whole bundle of newborn baby-grows so that if any other parent was in the same situation as us with an older baby, there would be supplies there. We also sent a thank you card amd a picture of him now he was better. They had a whole wall dedicated to success stories, pics, cards etc and it was so lovely to read.