The Yummy Mummy Phenomenon

[Chocolate Lips]

Kacey Ainsworth (Little Mo) has been talking about the pressure to become a yummy mummy (personally I think she has been reading my blog :wik: ) and she says it puts unhealthy pressure on women to snap back into shape after childbirth.

Does anybody else feel any pressure regarding this?

[Annie Goolahey]

God yes,
I first felt this when my cousin, who had her baby six weeks after I had J, was able to fit back into her jeans THREE days after the birth.
I still can't fit into mine- and J is 26 months old!

Mothers dont have an excuse to look tired or shabby anymore in the weeks after the birth, and we are expected to look like a million dollars from the first outing no matter how little sleep we have had.

I have not felt good about myself since I had my child- and a lot of that comes from seeing celeb mums looking perfect and comparing myself unfavourably.

[Hello Kitty]

hmmmm well don't ask Jo how long it took her to fit back into her jeans then :wik:
I must say I feel the pressure but not in the way I thought. After years of yo-yo dieting I have finally managed to stop and am quite happy with the way I look. If anything I guess I have begun to reassess the way I take care of myself and how I dress but part of that is also coupled with reaching my mid-thirties. I actually feel a bit sad for the celebs who feel that pressure. Some people spring naturally back into shape like Joanna, Myzzterri and Scatterbrain but some of these celebs are really slogging their guts out possibly at the expense of spending time with their babies and recovering themselves after the trauma of pregnancy and birth.

[Diddlum]

I can't say I felt any pressure from the media or anyone else, but I really wanted to get back into shape for my own peace of mind really, and I managed to do it. I honestly don't think anyone "expects" new mums to get back into shape as quickly as a lot of the celeb mums do.

[She Devil]

i think there is pressure to get back into shape, i have felt it after both of mine :doughnuts:

[Annie Goolahey]

It's not just the weight thing tho...
I think 'yummy mummy' means looking well groomed- not living in trackies and t-shirts because you are too darned tired to do yet another wash on top of all the puke stained baby clothes.
It's about having your hair highlighted, a manicure and wearing full make up and looking ecstatic to be a mum.
It is about being perfect, having a cool buggy, coping with the stress and not showing any weakness.
It's also about having a baby in nice clothes, who rarely cries and doesn't suck a dummy- and it's about breastfeeding and NEVER getting cracked nipples.


I actually cringe when I hear the expression yummy mummy now...I'm more a yammy mammy anyways.

[Chocolate Lips]

I agree Lola, that was what I was going on about in my blog.....I thought I might write a piece like that for Damsels.

Its about having the right car, 'doing lunch', manicures, haircuts, babies in designer wear.....

[Annie Goolahey]

I agree Lola, that was what I was going on about in my blog.....I thought I might write a piece like that for Damsels.

Its about having the right car, 'doing lunch', manicures, haircuts, babies in designer wear.....


Think it would make a fab article Jo! Get writing.

[silverpod]

I don't normally take a lot of notice by things said by celebrities that have just become parents but I read and liked this piece too. I related to the whole thing about 'trying to be a yummy mummy' with lunches and manicures and looking a million dollars. And the bit about coping no matter what. Thing is, I don't want to be a yummy mummy but a yummy person who happens to be a mum.

[Hungry Hippo]

I have definitely felt a pressure to slim back down and look reasonably turned out but probably more from myself than anyone else. I've got a long way to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I'm in a rush to do it for the wedding. I'll feel very upset if I'm a 'big' bride.

I'm making more effort with my clothes and put make up on when I go out to groups. I really want to make some mummy friends and I need a little boost to help me feel more confident at these things. I know it's silly but I think people can be judgmental. I worry that if I don't make an effort with my appearance people will have the wrong impression about who I am as a person.

[MsNat]

At the end of the day it will please me more if my children describe me as "nice/kind/fun/ as opposed to "pretty/beautiful" etc.

If some women can manage to pull the whole "yummy" thing off then fair play to them but personally speaking if I put that much effort into myself then it is usually at the expense of something else and there just aren't enough hours in the day.

I'm by no means perfectly groomed but I'm presentable and happy with myself and that's good enough for me.

[Crazyfool]

Hmmm I've never been thin and I guess i will pile the weight on uring pregnancy. A few of my friends have gone really slim after having children. I mean loads slimmer than before and I feel a bit of pressure already. Saying that I thought I would be worried about getting bigger as I have always been bothered about my weight . To my surprise I'm finding it liberating not having to justify what I am eating all the time. ... Hope I am so chilled later and afterwards :roll:

[katkinn]

Personally I think it really depends on what sort of person you were before you had your baby.

To suddenly become a very groomed, nontracksuit wearing, highlighted, manicured, size 10 lady that lunches is just totally non realistic if that's not the sort of person you were beforehand.

Why would you totally change the way you live your life just because you've had a baby??

I wouldn't necessarily say that I felt pressure to be a "yummy mummy" but I did put pressure on myself to get back to being "ME" as soon as possible after having Hettie. And I would say that because of the person that I am, my friends and family therefore expected it from me (iyswim!)

I was uber fortunate in that I did lose all my weight in 7 weeks and by 12 weeks was half a stone lighter than before I got pg. But I certainly can't take any credit for that and there was certainly no hard work on my part. It's just that some people's bodies are like that.

I don't TRY to be a yummy mummy and don't really think that I am (my baby certainly has a dummy, I didn't breastfeed and I don't have my hair highlighted and don't have manicures - any more!! :wik: )

But I don't own a tracksuit, I always wear makeup, I'm obsessed with changing Hettie if she gets one speck of dirt on her, my hair is always groomed and everything that we both own matches. I do a lot of girlie lunches and personally I do think my buggy is quite cool. But tbh I think that just makes me an anally retentive mummy , rather than a yummy mummy :laff:

katkinn
xxxx

[bisy backson]

ooh interesting one

as has already been mentioned, i wanted to lose the weight and shape up for myself (and mr backson :wik: ) because i felt like crap with the extra weight. it didn't make a difference having nice clothes or a manicure or whatever i still felt like crap.

conversely once i got to where i wanted to be i felt happy and comfortable wearing any old crap (and most of it was extrememly old and sloppy).

the only pressure i ever felt with other things tbh was from posts on handbag, where people were going on about the things they had and did and said (not getting at anyone or trying to start a :doughnuts: fight, just explaining how it felt to me).

i also didn't feel the pressure to have a perfect baby, although did sometimes wonder why mine did things differently to other babies we knew (and now i'm wondering why he has turned into the destructive cyclone from hell but that's another story).

for me it was more about deciding how i wanted to be and setting out to achieve that - yes i was aware of the slebs and what they did but it didn't register with me that i 'should' try and achieve that, mainly cos once i had had a baby i realised how much they must have sacrificed during and after pregnancy to get like that in such a short time.

*end of rant* :boobies:

bbxx

[Diddlum]

I think katkinn's hit the nail on the head actually - it's more about getting back to being your old self, and in truth although I've lost all the weight (and a bit more) I'm definitely not my old self. My baby is my world now really and I realise that is bad and am trying to do something about it. I've lost touch with fashion, celeb gossip (mind you was never really into that anyway!) and all that sort of thing.

[Hello Kitty]

Yes I think the big one is trying to remember who you were and that you still exist as a person in your own right and not just a mum.

[Annie Goolahey]

I'm obsessed with changing Hettie if she gets one speck of dirt on her


But children need to be allowed to get dirty! They need to have fun and that, in my mind, is always more important than if they looked groomed.
J is frequently in mucky trousers, with grass stains, or paint on his top and the like- but he is having fun! Me changing him would make him paranoid? Would it not?

Apart from that, yes it is about being true to yourself but you can'\t expect to be the same person before because you are now a parent and your life has changed dramatically.

I agree with BB, I felt a lot of pressure elsewhere to have the perfect child. I remember distinctly J not sleeping through til 16 weeks and really feeling it was something I did wrong.
I am a completely different person physically and emotionally now to before I had a child...and I think it is about time we started to accept it is okay to change.

[katkinn]

I am a completely different person physically and emotionally now to before I had a child...and I think it is about time we started to accept it is okay to change.

Absolutely if that's what you want. But then conversely, is it that *wrong* to want to be the same person that you were before you had your baby.

I actually liked the person, physically and emotionally, that I was before I got pg first time round. I wanted to get back to being that person, whilst also being a mummy and therefore having new emotions and feelings to add to my portfolio as well :wik:

I think that these things are entirely personal and so long as you're happy with who you are now and you can recognise what it takes to make you happy, does it matter?


but you can'\t expect to be the same person before because you are now a parent and your life has changed dramatically.


I actually think I am, as do my family and friends. And I don't see why you can't expect to be. Yes there are PARTS of my life that are different but I am definitely the same person.

I don't think my life has changed THAT dramatically either. It's improved beyong measure and it's a much richer life but essentially it's the same, just bigger and better!! We do the same things, see the same people, live the same lives, only now we have more to cram in!!!


but he is having fun! Me changing him would make him paranoid? Would it not?

To be fair, Hettie does have fun too. She just gets into clean clothes afterwards!!! She has her painting overalls and her wellies for being dirty in. I personally don't think it's wrong with letting her grow up thinking that she has certain clothes for making a mess in and others that she can't. I personally don't walk about in clothes that I've spilt things on - I change them - not sure that I wouldn her to be different!!! If that makes me mad, then so be it!!!!

katkinn
xxx

[Diddlum]

I think it's about trying to strike a balance.

I want to be the person I used to be, but I accept that my life has changed massively and I also want my baby to be a big part of my life and to include her in the things I do. I would HATE it if I had to work full time and could only see her for an hour or so at night. :-(
I've never been one for having beauty treatments and stuff on a regular basis, which is lucky for me because I bet it hits hard those people who are used to it and then find they don't have the time/money/someone to look after their baby while they do it. My thing was going to the gym and it's hit me hard that I can't seem to get back to going regularly. THAT makes me feel frumpy. :-(

[bisy backson]

same as everything its whatever makes you :ellie:

i think i'm completely different now than before splash, not just because of having him, but because of the different things i do, and the things i do differently now he's here.

i'm much happier with the person i am now, much more confident and much more sure of what i want and how i'm going to get it and also who's driving it - ie not bowing to pressure from anyone else.

i have no desire at all to be the person i used to be, in fact i've even thought about how much more i'm going to want to change when no 2's here - both physically and mentally.

's weird, its like its opened up a whole new world to me about what i can do and be etc etc

bbxx

[Annie Goolahey]

I think that these things are entirely personal and so long as you're happy with who you are now and you can recognise what it takes to make you happy, does it matter?



Maybe that is my problem. I am not happy with the person I am now, but nor was I before I had Joseph. I was getting happier then (actually coming off my meds for depression and had lost weight etc), but since being pregnant and having him I've had depresison the whole time. It waxes and wanes- but it is there- constantly, and while I'm trying to deal with this, I find I can't deal with other aspects of my life.
I simply cannot be bothered most days to make an effort with make up. I do so if I'm working, but if I'm not I would ideally spend the day in my jammies. It is not because I have desire to look nice, I just don't have the energy or get up and go to do anything about it.
BUT I do think becoming a parent does change your life dramatically. I can't see how it can only alter it slightly. My central focus now is on another person, not on myself, and that is a pretty big change.

As for Hettie getting her clothes dirty, well I misread there, because I had originally taken it to mean that you change her as soon as a speck of dirt lands on her. I'm not slatternly enough to take Joseph out and about in mucky clothes, but I wont interupt a play session either.

[bisy backson]

y'see i would take splash out in dirty clothes in certain circumstances but mainly cos i know what a mucky bugger he is and i would have to take his entire wardrobe out with me to guarantee he'd be clean at any point.

also, (sorry, rant approaching) at nursery they change him about 4 times a day so i never have any clothes left for him at home - i do enough washing as it is so if he gets dirty he stays dirty.

sorry, i know that wasn't the point of this thread, but again, dirty clothes don't seem to bother me at all these days. for some reason dirty faces upset me more! :laff:

bbxx

[Hello Kitty]

In contrast I have found that because I have to concentrate most of my energies on someone else this has left me less time and energy to put into my own personal demons IYSWIM. I am even managing to conquer my pathological fear of vomiting (me or anyone else!) and I have been nurturing that for 25 years :wik:
There is a lot of pressure but I always tell myself that as long as G is happy it doesn't matter that she did things later, that I don't cook all her food, that I work and so on. I think I am still the same person but I have an extra role now which I love and to a certain extent defines me (I am still Jules though :) )

[Cailín Deas]

Completely agree that's it's about your 'old' Vs 'new' self.

I didn't gain any weight and, in fact, lost over a stone on my pre-pg weight within weeks & ended up looking like a skeleton :-( . I looked f*****g awful. Aoife did not sleep through the night till she was 21 months, so for nearly 2 years I was getting 0 - 3.5 hours a night sleep. All this while working full-time.

I would have to say motherhood has changed me beyond measure & TBH I miss the person I was: much more happy-go-lucky and probably a hell of a lot more fun. It saddens me when people say that being a mother has changed me (ie for the worse) because they're right.

Needless to say, I'm dotty about my daughter, but I'm still 'mourning' me in a way.

[Mad Madam Mim]

[quote="Lola Dane
Maybe that is my problem. I am not happy with the person I am now, but nor was I before I had Joseph. I was getting happier then (actually coming off my meds for depression and had lost weight etc), but since being pregnant and having him I've had depresison the whole time. It waxes and wanes- but it is there- constantly, and while I'm trying to deal with this, I find I can't deal with other aspects of my life.

[/quote]

I'm sad to say that this is me to a T :no: so the whole yummy mummy thing - it passes me by I can't even contemplate something that trivial (to me, that is)

I also agree that having a child can only change you life significantly, I'd be suspicious if it was claimed life had only changed a little. Now I focus on another little person and that's the way it has to be.

:roll: messed up the quote a bit there

[ChelseaHarvey]

I dont feel the pressure to but after reading mags when pregnant and always hearing about celbes that 6 weeks later where back in there pre pregnancy stuff, i just thought it would happen to me how rong was i

20months down the line and my figure is nothing like how it use to be :no: i never appreaciated my figure then and when i look back at photos and get upset, i would love to get back to that again.

My problem is what i eat, im a binge etaer and not enough excersise although i have been working on this and am very pleased with my excersise regime at the moment, i just wish these last 10ish lbs would fall off me then id be so happy

I dont get how the stars di it, they musnt eat :chicken: :chips: :pie: :doughnuts: :choc: (couldnt resit) :laff: which so idnt good for them.

I also have a friend that is alot skinner than what she was b4 she had her son, she was bigger than me, and i wasnt big b4 i had alfie a size 8 and she must now be a size 6 and weigh 7.5 stone, she is about as thin as Victoria Beckham and was like this about 6 months after she gave birth, i dont know what she did and how she did it

[Crazyfool]

ChelseaHarvey you are stunning on all your pics :yes:

Cf xx

[Devil Girl]

I did feel bad after I had Wolfie but then again I did not feel good about myself then.

This time though I feel much better about myself. I think that is why I do not feel the pressure this time.

I do try and put funky clothes on. Though like everything else what I think is funky is scruffy to others :lol: I do not bother wearing makeup or styling my hair every day (my hair is naturally curly so I can get away with it :lol: ) but I was like that pre pregnancy :lol:

[Devil Girl]

I also have a friend that is a lot skinner than what she was b4 she had her son, she was bigger than me, and I wasn’t big b4 I had Alfie a size 8 and she must now be a size 6 and weigh 7.5 stone, she is about as thin as Victoria Beckham and was like this about 6 months after she gave birth, I don’t know what she did and how she did it

But Victoria Beckham looks like a skeleton and looks horrible.

You look wonderful Chelsea.

Try and not let yourself get upset by the fact you are not the size you were before. You still look really funky.

[*kate*]

Its about having the right car, 'doing lunch', manicures, haircuts, babies in designer wear..... Bloody hell, I don't even have time for lunch let alone a sit down chatty lunch with other yummy mummies.

And I can't begin to think how I'd take a baby to the hairdressers - calming a screaming baby with foils in my hair? Don't think so.

And designer wear for babies to be sick on?

You've probably gathered I'm not yummy in any way......but I do like to be tidy and reasonably smart - although I've not combed my hair this morning and I've been out (I did run my fingers thru it though, does that count?)

I have managed to shed the weight pretty quickly, but the number of people who've commented on me fitting back into my clothes has surprised me - it's like it's seen as a badge of honour, being able to wear your pre-preg clothes asap after birth :huh: the pressure from others to be seen as "yummy" and organised is immense. And it's usually pressure from other mums, who should know better.

[katkinn]

I also agree that having a child can only change you life significantly, I'd be suspicious if it was claimed life had only changed a little. Now I focus on another little person and that's the way it has to be.


I probably wasn't explaining myself v well (nothing new there!!) but I do stand by my claim that my life hasn't changed significantly.

By that, I meant that my old life is still very much a large part of the life that I still live. But it has been hugely enriched and improved with new and different strands to it, from having a baby.

But I am stll v much the same person I was and still essentially live the same life - there's not much that's missing from my own life - there's just more in it now!!! Therefore I stand by the fact that it hasn't changed that significantly!!

Yes, whereas before the most important person in my life was DH, now he has to share that honour with H, that's true!! DH was v much the focus of my life and now it's just DH and H!!!!

Is that now clear as mud??!! :brainache: :happyno:

[zwinnie]

I probably wasn't explaining myself v well (nothing new there!!) but I do stand by my claim that my life hasn't changed significantly.

By that, I meant that my old life is still very much a large part of the life that I still live. But it has been hugely enriched and improved with new and different strands to it, from having a baby.

But I am stll v much the same person I was and still essentially live the same life - there's not much that's missing from my own life - there's just more in it now!!! Therefore I stand by the fact that it hasn't changed that significantly!!

Yes, whereas before the most important person in my life was DH, now he has to share that honour with H, that's true!! DH was v much the focus of my life and now it's just DH and H!!!!

Is that now clear as mud??!! :brainache: :happyno:

Kat, I totally get where you're coming from and I also totally agree with you.

Of course my life has changed, but I too feel like I'm essentially the same person. I still enjoy girlie dinners with my friends, cocktails (although obviously not at the moment!), swanky meals out with DH, working on building my business, reading, holidays etc, only now I also enjoy reading the Gruffalo, silly dancing in the kitchen, snuggling with my little girl, laughing with her, playing with her, walks on the heath and spending time with my new mummy friends etc

I even (shock horror) enjoy spending the odd weekend away from Lexie ...:shock:

I'm not a yummy mummy, but then I dress how I did before and make the same effort as before ... actually, really must make more effort!!!!

[icclebunny]

Im pretty much the same person as before - vain as ever (full face on first thing in the morning and full cleanse tone, moisturise - hair kept tidy), determined to firm up my mummy tummy, highlights within reasonably acceptable state, nails filed, no trackies outside the house unless Im supermarket shopping then anything goes.

Im certainly not aspiring to be Posh Beckham, Im just trying to get back to me (with the added bonus of not feeling I have to justify my pratting about in the toy store like a big kid cos thats what mums do, lol)