How would you feel about someone else breastfeeding your baby?

[Madwife]

Odd question I know, but it stemmed from a conversation I had with one of the mums from school the other week which started me off thinking (dangerous I know :wink:)

Before we start- this is not meant to be a breast V bottle discussion- no bunfights!! :lol:

The mum from school (who happens to post on netmums or Mumsnet, can't rememeber which :lol:) told me about someone (probably from a forum) who had a young baby who was being breastfed. One day she left the baby with a friend while she had her hair cut. Sadly the mother got run over coming out and ended up in hospital for a while. The woman who was looking after the baby was still breasfeeding hers, and just breastfed the baby while the mother was away, and as far as I could tell she did this for a while without asking what the baby's parents wanted first. Apparantly the parents were pleased that she had had breastmilk.

The parent from Abigail's school was then saying how wonderful it was, and you (as in people) would be happier for your baby to have breastmilk from another woman than formula wouldn't you? I agreed with her at the time :oops:

Thing is, it made me feel a bit :meh: tbh. But then thinking about it I don't know why it would make me feel :meh:?? People had wet nurses which was normal not so long ago. Not sure if it a jealously thing, as in the idea of someone else having that close bond from breastfeeding? What the woman who took over did was a really kind thing though, to take on that responsibility for someone elses child.

I just can't seem to rationalise my feelings against it for some reason :huh:

Who would you feel it it was your baby who had been fed by another woman while you were in hospital?

[Velvet Chain]

Strange but I was havign a discussion about wetnurses a few days ago.

TBH in general I wouldn't feel comfortable with it but under the circumstances that you have posted - being in hospital etc, I would like to think that I would be happy that someone had taken good care of my baby and it was someone I knew (wouldn't like it if it was a stranger though).

VC

[Cat]

How weird, a group of us at O's toddler group had exactly the same conversation last week:nod:

I know what you mean about it feeling weird, I was actually asked how I would feel about feeding someone elses baby and my initial reaction was NO WAY, but now having thought about it, I'm not really sure why.

Its different now he's older, but if they'd still been babies and I knew the mother was healthy, I guess I'd rather they had someone elses breastmilk than formula (NOT meant to be an anti-formula statement, just how I feel about my boys)

ETA I'm not sure I'd have liked someone to feed them wihout asking me first tho

[Rennie]

My MIL did this, I think it was quite common years ago though when women couldn't do it themselves.

I don't think I would like it though TBH.

[Twistarella]

I think it would be very strange! But then isn't it odd that we're happy to give our babies milk from a cow, rather than another human?

I would be happy to give my baby breastmilk from another woman in a bottle, but not straight from the breast IYSWIM!

[Candlelight]

mmm not sure really, but I often eye up Scatterbrains breast milk when I'm dashing home at Lily's feed time to get her a bottle as I have no more on me:teehee:

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

A lot of breastfeeding women I know ( myself when I was feeding includede) do have informal arrangements in place for emergencies such as these.

I have always been happy that good friends of mine would feed my babies if necessary and vice versa.

If a baby is hungry and mum isn't there and you can feed them - of course - providing that an agreement is in place.

Fo rme, breastmilk from another mum was the second best after me so I was perfectly happy.

It has never arisen, though.

[Rennie]

I think it would be very strange! But then isn't it odd that we're happy to give our babies milk from a cow, rather than another human?

Good point.

Come to think og it, my MIL used to express her milk for other people..

[bluekat]

Some bf-ed babies absolutely refuse the bottle. If my baby was screaming blue murder for a boob and I was in hospital, if someone else coincidentally happened to be a bf-er and willing then really it would be the sensible thing. Not 100% I like the thought though. Hope I never have to deal with a situation like that.

Someone I know (can't remember who...memory shot to pieces just now) used to provide the local hospital with breast milk every day when she was bfing her own. It would be collected after she expressed in the morning and I believe used by the special nursery. Not really much difference (apart from the closeness thing).

BKx

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

But then isn't it odd that we're happy to give our babies milk from a cow, rather than another human?



Some women are. Some aren't and I do think that colours whether you would be happy to have breastmilk from another mum.

[nickimacrae]

Well I was almost in that situation, when my thryriod went bonkers about 5m after having Freya and I was really ill, lying about in bed with no energy to move ill and just couldn't look after her. The doctors were threatening admitting me at one point, cue me in hysterics about not being able / wanting to leave Freya but not being able to care for her in hosp either. My good friend actually said if it came to me having to go in she would take Freya to hers and breastfeed her and basically be the nearest to being me that she could. I was firstly awstruck that she offered this, and totally grateful that she would do that and basically take over from me for a few days so Freya didn't miss out on breastmilk and cuddles. It was enough for me to agree to go into hosp, I felt very reasssured. As it was we managed to get it controlled with drugs enough for me to do mummying jobs until it righted itself.

So yes, in that situation and with that person I would have been very happy for someone else to breasfeed my child :nod:

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

Some bf-ed babies absolutely refuse the bottle. If my baby was screaming blue murder for a boob and I was in hospital, if someone else coincidentally happened to be a bf-er and willing then really it would be the sensible thing. Not 100% I like the thought though. Hope I never have to deal with a situation like that.

Someone I know (can't remember who...memory shot to pieces just now) used to provide the local hospital with breast milk every day when she was bfing her own. It would be collected after she expressed in the morning and I believe used by the special nursery. Not really much difference (apart from the closeness thing).

BKx

Lots of women give donated milk for premmies and SCBU. it can make such a huge difference to those tiny babies.

It's a fantastic gift to give. :thumb:

[Katiekipper]

It wouldn't bother me at all. If you look in special care baby units many babies are being fed from the milk bank, that is, donated milk from other mothers, so it's perfectly normal.
Obviously I'd not like a random stranger doing it, but a friend, I'd be really grateful that the baby had been fed and was being fed breastmilk rather than formula.

[book_lover]

Not a logical response at all but I absolutely couldn't have someone else breastfeeding my baby :-(

It's about the bond somehow.

[WiCkEd_WeNcH]

I think it would be very strange! But then isn't it odd that we're happy to give our babies milk from a cow, rather than another human?

I would be happy to give my baby breastmilk from another woman in a bottle, but not straight from the breast IYSWIM!

I agree with this.

I would be perfectly happy giving mine breastmilk from another out of a bottle, not sure about straight from the breast though

[Madwife]

See, I had actually thought about wanting to donate breastmilk for the SCBU as I like that idea, but then I don't feel icky about my own milk :lol: (bit like you don't mind the smell of your own farts :oops: )

I also hadn't considered how close a friend this person was, and maybe if I had a close friend who could do that I would feel differently. I don't though so maybe that's why I didn't think about it.

[Jubjub]

If there was absolutely no other option, fine. I would much rather they had a bottle though.

It's hard to apply logic to something that is, for me, emotional. I love feeding my baby and it would hurt me to think he was feeling the closeness we share with someone else.

[Madwife]

Of, and yes it is odd that cows milk isn't an issue? We are are the only species who drink the milk from another lactating species :loco:

I also think maybe it is the drinking it from the person rather than the bottle. Bluekat has a point though too, if they won't take a bottle what choice would you have anyway?

[Angel]

Nope, definitely not.

For me, like Bookie - it's about the bond. It's something special between me and my baby and I wouldn't want anyone else doing that.

When J was in NICU and I couldn't keep up with his requirements through expressing, the subject of milk from the bank came up but I just couldn't do it. I'd rather he had formula rather than someone else's breastmilk - irrational maybe, but for me what I was producing was just right for my baby and his gestational age as my body had grown him knew what it was doing iyswim.

[Cat]

For me, its not another baby having my milk/or one of mine having someone elses breastmilk (I did donated to the SCBU when DS1 was a baby) its the actual feeding of someone elses baby that I'm unsure about.

[book_lover]

I mind the smell of my own farts Muso :laff: they're bothering me a bit too much atm :oops:

I have now read the thread properly and must add that in a bottle would be fine, it's the act of BFing itself that bothers me iyswim - but I'm a jealous type I suppose :meh:

[Carrington]

Not sure about this.

Does anyone know if breastmilk (from other mothers, obv.) routinely screened for the HIV virus in hospital?

[S-J]

My honest opinion - Id not want this at all.

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

Not sure about this.

Does anyone know if breastmilk (from other mothers, obv.) routinely screened for the HIV virus in hospital?

Yes. And it is pasteurised. It's 100% safe! :smile:

[nickimacrae]

I can see where people are coming from when talking about bonds, I think bonds are actually the deciding factor for me in whom I would feel happy BF my child. I would feel odd about a total stanger, but someone close who cared about my baby too (say a sister, best friend, etc) and had an interest in the baby would be fine. I would want someone who knew and was a little bonded to my child to do that job for me as they would be better placed to help (thinking bigger picture, not just giving them nutrients, but understanding their needs in a bigger way - is it milk they need, do they want to feed to sleep, they just need a little cuddle - anticipating their needs).

I think for me it boiled down to wanting as near to 'service as normal' for Freya but knowing that however much I could be replced in a practical care type sense, I couldn't be replaced emotionally and I already had a suberb bond with her.

[gillyf]

I couldn't breastfeed properly either of my boys as i had insufficeint milk both times. I would have been happy to give them bottles of someones breast milk. Not sure i would have wanted them to breastfeed from someone else though. Bond thing again i think.

[Peridot]

:happyno: No way!
for the same reason as others have stated!

[nickimacrae]

Sorry, just clarifying my thoughts a bit further...

I guess I see it as being akin to someone else caring for the child - ay a childminder - they might spend as many waking hours of the week with the childminder, but ATEOTD I'm still 'Mum'.

I think the thing for me as well is that I don't see BF as my primary method of bonding, just one of many ways I bond with my baby. I think this is a danger of people always promoting BF by saying its all about bonding (of course it is...) but there are so many ways you bond with your child.

[Peridot]

I see your point nikki, I guess it depends if you are like the person in the OP and are able to breast feed yourself as well!

I guess, because I couldn't, I wouldn't want some one else to.
To use your anaology it would be like putting my child in foster care because I couldn't look after them!
But I suppose that's because i can't see it from the POV of a breastfeeder because I haven't been one (yet :wink: )

[WeeBird]

Mine were both the kinds of children who would NEVER take a bottle no matter what was in in it - ebm, formula, vodka :lol:

I would not have a problem with someone else breastfeeding my child if the situation arose where it was necessary. I did donate milk to the milk bank for a long time as I had too much and had to express. I couldn't bear the thought of tipping it down the sink :no:

[Madwife]

I can see your point Nicki, makes sense. Unfortunately I don't know anyone who could anyway, but maybe that's because most of my friends are still young free and single and irresponsible :lol:

I did ask DH what he thought, he said I was a bit daft for feeling icky about it. He said he would rather his children had the breastmilk than formula. Maybe it's different for them though because they can't breastfeed , so someone else is feeding their baby anyway :lol:

[August Girl]

My gut reaction is no, no way NOOOOOOOOO! I am a very clingy mum and the thought of anyone else physically bf my baby gives me the heebie jeebies. Not sure how I feel about using a milk bank, I think I would as a last resort.

I was v.unwell when Del was 6m old, I was weak and delerious but I still fed her when i couldn't even hold her myself. My mom or DH would have to come in and position her for me. In the event of an accident, depending on injuries of course, I'd probably carry on feeding in the same way.

[nickimacrae]

I see your point nikki, I guess it depends if you are like the person in the OP and are able to breast feed yourself as well!

I guess, because I couldn't, I wouldn't want some one else to.
To use your anaology it would be like putting my child in foster care because I couldn't look after them!
But I suppose that's because i can't see it from the POV of a breastfeeder because I haven't been one (yet :wink: )

Oh I was thinking after I posted that if I wasn't able to BF long term then someone else wetnursing would be pretty impractical - I mean unless you lived in the same house as the person with obliging boobs, and then only if they wanted to take on that huge responsibility YK? I don't think many folk would find themselves with that set up :lol: Thats with them physically feeding the baby. If it were all about someone expressing and bottle feeding BM I dunno. I was about to say I bet that would be really impractical too, but then folk express for nurseries, childminders, etc - would it? :puzzled: :shrug: I've never bottlefed or expressed so out of my depth here LOL!

[Madwife]

Just thinking about from the baby's pov though. If I had suddenedly lost contact with my mother and was used to being breastfed from her, it would then make things worse somehow to have the breast taken away too, so being breastfed would be preferable. But then, I can't really know what a baby would think.

[nickimacrae]

I did ask DH what he thought, he said I was a bit daft for feeling icky about it. He said he would rather his children had the breastmilk than formula. Maybe it's different for them though because they can't breastfeed , so someone else is feeding their baby anyway :lol:

WOW, yes I had never though about a blokes POV :puzzled: Thinking back DH was very surportive, must ask him about that...

On another note I did read a big article in one of the womens mags - Eve or something - a few months back about the new LA trend is getting a wet nurse - stars and business women who are convinced about the benefits of breastfeeding, but (in the case of say an actress) can't practically work around BF and feel having that break from working may damage their career or (in the case of business women) see that other women can BF so why shouldn't they 'outsource', like getting a nanny or cleaner. There are aparently several agencies that can offer wetnurses and women that make a career out of being a nanny come wetnurse (express between jobs to keep the milk coming).

[grockler]

I don't think I'd have a problem with it if there were no other way to feed my baby (and as long as I knew the feeder was healthy). However, I'd have to be put in the situation to know my reaction for certain.

[One Sock]

I wouldn't mind, but I would want to be asked first.

My Granny breastfed another baby when she was in hospital with my Mum as this baby's mother had no milk.

I also read recently that wet0nurses are making a come-back!

Not sure I would feed someone elses baby - obv would if it was life or death situation but otherwise would feel a bit odd I think.

[Muppetgal]

I actually had a dream that I found a starving bunch of children in a run down warehouse and there was a baby. I breastfed her (in my dream)

So yes, I guess it's safe to say I would do it and would have no qualms about someone else doing it for my babies if there were an emergency.

However, I will add, breastfeeding has never had a bonding issue attached with it for me...it's a feeding thing. That's probably mostly to do with how fast my milk flows, there was never much time for bonding just gulping and burping! :lol:

[Minky]

I think that was a wonderful thing of that friend to do.

funnily enough recently we visited friends who have a little one, and I was still feeding Tabitha.

It was weird, I've never felt this before, but holding her in my arms I really WANTED to feed her :loco: :oops:.

I laughed and told my friend "I'll feed her for you, give you a rest" and made a joke out of it (but actually I meant it :oops: :oops: :loco:).

NO idea where it came from!

So yes, I'd feed a FRIEND'S baby (probably not a stranger's) at the drop of a hat and would be happy for someone to feed my baby if needs be.

I'd be worried that if they were exclusively bf, and they got a bottle, that that would be the end of bfing.

Minky x

[Muppetgal]

I laughed and told my friend "I'll feed her for you, give you a rest" and made a joke out of it (but actually I meant it :oops: :oops: :loco:).



I actually did something similar Minky, with my nephew! I was round their house visiting with the boys and SIL was out and had left EBM but not enough, she called while we were there and said she was going to be later than expected. I joking said "well I'll stick around then in case he needs fed!" but he had just finished his last bottle so there was time enough for her to get home. It was laughed off at the time, but I would have done it if I'd had to!

[Damsella]

Surely it is more natural to have milk from a human, than from a cow :laff:

So no, I don't think I'd have a problem with it.

[Damsella]

Of, and yes it is odd that cows milk isn't an issue? We are are the only species who drink the milk from another lactating species No, I think that ants milk aphids.

Anyway, drinking all this milk doesn't seem to have done us humans too much harm :laff:

I meant to add to my above post, I prob would have a few qualms about the actual breastfeeding - I wouldn't mind expressed milk though. And no doubt I would get over my qualms for the sake of my baby.

[Eliza79]

Minky, is funny you should say that - as I had exactly the same experience with a friend of mine, too. She was doing really well with bf but been advised by the hospital to top-up her newborn with formula (as I was - standard practice from our local hospital unfortunately):no: . This resulted in baby being sick after every feed - probably because he was literally stuffed to the gills. Instead of ditching the formula, she decided to quit breast and there followed quite a difficult week.
I spent quite a bit of time round there (she lives next door), holding him as he rooted around and screamed and my automatic instinct was to just feed him myself - I had to really check myself:oops: .

Me, personally - I wouldn't have a problem with someone else nursing my baby - in fact I believe it is reasonably common in Germany among some informal babysitting circles. She's never taken a bottle either.
Now if only some of the educatrice at E's nurseey were still lactating - we've got the battle of trying to get her down for a nap there next week and am sure it'll not be easy:teehee: .

[Ajedrez]

I know I'm not a mum yet but I'd not like that at ALL! Like Bookie said, it's to do with the bond. I'd have no issue giving my baby cows milk either but they wouldn't suck it direct from the cow! I wouldn't want my baby being directly breastfed by someone else, not in a million years. Thats probably why I'm going to attempt breast and bottle.

Expressed milk MAY be a different matter... It's the skin to skin which I find inappropriate if it's not your own.

[Islander]

I wouldn't have any qualms whatsoever about feeding someone else's hungry baby (as long as they were happy about it) direct from source.

Someone else feeding my baby, well I do feel a little bit odd about it and I think I'd prefer if it was someone I knew well and liked. However, if it was the sort of situation where I was unable to feed and another woman was willing I'd be glad for them to give it a go.

After all, I think me feeling weird about it is secondary in importance to my baby being fed in a way which is as close to what they are accustomed to. If I get jealous then that's my problem to deal with. I'm an adult and consequently should be able to cope with it.

D x

[Azana]

I wouldn't have minded someone feeding one of mine when tiny - had it been needed - and also had I not been able to feed or something it would have been nice to have been offered milk from a bank.

If I had got run over by a bus my children would have had a problem as they wouldn't bottle feed - but I guess they would have learned pretty quickly.

I don't feel icky about it but don't think I could have fed another person's child - unless it was a really good friend's - sorry that makes NO sense but I don't think my body would have"let" me - my boobs were always quite attuned to errrrrrr not leaking at inappropriate moments..........

It is a strange one isn't it - it is like changing nappies or taking bigger kids to the toilet on a bigger scale!!!

When I was bfing I used to find it hard to hold a crying baby who was hungry (someone else's) as I would feel like I should have been feeding them and actually had to say I couldn't bottle feed one of my friend's for her which was then embarassing as it wasn't a anti-bottle thing but I just couldn't PHYSICALLY do it (and actually didn't know how to!!!!) as it was making me feel funny....that was a teeny baby though and I was very clear with her that it was just I didn't know what I was doing!!!

[Florence]

I breastfed both of my boys,but if this situation had arisen, I would want them to have formula. I am just not comfortable with the idea of them having someone else's breastmilk! Neither of them really liked going over to the bottle, but they would have had to if I couldn't do it, or go hungry I'm afraid!

I couldn't breastfeed anyone else's baby, either. :happyno:

[Katiekipper]

I know I'm not a mum yet but I'd not like that at ALL! Like Bookie said, it's to do with the bond. I'd have no issue giving my baby cows milk either but they wouldn't suck it direct from the cow! I wouldn't want my baby being directly breastfed by someone else, not in a million years. Thats probably why I'm going to attempt breast and bottle.

Expressed milk MAY be a different matter... It's the skin to skin which I find inappropriate if it's not your own.

I was a nanny for a time. I used to give the babies my finger to suck and bathed with one child (with the Mums consent I might add) both are skin to skin.
To me it's about what is best for the baby and not the mother. Babies like and need the skin to skin contact so why not give it?

[Ajedrez]

I was a nanny for a time. I used to give the babies my finger to suck and bathed with one child (with the Mums consent I might add) both are skin to skin.
To me it's about what is best for the baby and not the mother. Babies like and need the skin to skin contact so why not give it?

Sucking a finger is a whole different league.

[Islander]

I was a nanny for a time. I used to give the babies my finger to suck and bathed with one child (with the Mums consent I might add) both are skin to skin.
To me it's about what is best for the baby and not the mother. Babies like and need the skin to skin contact so why not give it?

I absolutely agree with you Katie. If I'm not able to give my baby what they need, then I'm certainly willing to let someone else do it for them. My own feelings would be of secondary importance.

D x

[fifitrix]

I think I would be fine with this :nod: . I donated a lot of breast milk whilst in hospital with DD as she was too sleepy to feed much. I was really pleased that a baby would benefit from it. Oddly enough I never thought of how we would manage if something had happened to me, but I would love to think that another mother might offer her milk, and from the breast would be just great :thumb:

Oh's granny breast fed two other babies when she had each of her sons :faint: nearly 60 years ago - she must have been producing gold-top :grin:

[tinkerbell]

My mum was babysitting my cousin ho is a couple of months older than me when we were both babies. He was screaming and screaming and wouldn't take the bottle of expressed milk his mum had left. My auntie just told my mum to breastfeed him if she felt ok about it so she did. It calmed him down immediately. I don't think I personally would like it but I think it depends on circumstance

[manclass]

my boyfs ex used to provide breastmilk fpor the babies in NICU as at the time she had several pregnancies close together where the babies unfortunatley died either before birth or after premature birth

i thought it was lovely as it was the best thing those poorly little babies needed

she was told they often had a mum on the ward who would express for the NICU babies

it's a shame really that there isnt a way of making it possible for everyone to have that access - maybe not on the breast but expressed into a bottle - perhaps it would help ease the guilt that some mothers feel when their own body isn't able to provide milk themselves

[Raspberry Lemonade]

It wouldn't bother me at all!

Infact, when my sister and I both had breastfed babies of around the same age, we talked about it and both of us agreed that if there were a problem (eg being hospitalised) we would breastfeed each others babies if necessary

[Badgirl]

My cousin fed my DD1 for me once or twice. TBH it didnt bother me in the slightest

Oh and Nthan has swomeone else's breastmilk before he had mine- had swallowed lots of meconium during birth and the MWs asked if Id prefer him to have EBM or formula. ( my own milk hadnt comethrough at the time)

[Cherrypie]

I don't think I'd be comfortable with the idea of another woman breastfeeding my baby, as to me it is a very intimate act between mum and baby. However, I'd feel less uncomfortable at the thought of my baby being fed someone else's EBM via bottle or tube (e.g. if my baby was sick, and I couldn't produce my own milk).

[monkeynuts]

Nnoooooooo sri i wouldnt like it...i think feeding a baby whether with breast or bottle is a bonding thing ..should be enjoyed by parents and who they allow to feed there baby..x

[scatterbrain]

If I was seriously ill & my baby wouldn't take a bottle (as Elena didn't) I would be so relieved if a friend would bf her. I used to worry about this with Elena, but luckily she had stopped bf when I was hospitalised.

Abigail will take a bottle & although she's never had formula, if the situation arose I'd be ok about her being formula or ebm fed with a bottle tbh.

Scatterbrain

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

Nnoooooooo sri i wouldnt like it...i think feeding a baby whether with breast or bottle is a bonding thing ..should be enjoyed by parents and who they allow to feed there baby..x

But it wouldn't be a random stranger - we're talking about a close and trusted friend.

I think the replies here show that whilst breastfeeidng clearly is a bonding issue - why so many are uneasy about allowing others to feed their baby - bottlefeeding is obviously different. No one has any problem with others bottlefeeding thier child. The two are quite clearly very different.

[Damsella]

I never got much of a "bond" from breastfeeding :shrug: At the beginning it hurt too much, and then for the next few months it was just "boob out, feed, boob back in" :laff:

And I doubt DD remembers it now! So I wouldn't be worried about a "bond". Anyway, she can bond with other people and still be my girl :smile:

[Shoppie]

IAnyway, she can bond with other people and still be my girl :smile:

Iggzackly! :thumb: Teddy has bonded with his nursery nurse and his granny and his nanny doesn't make him any less my boy :happyno:

I would probably naturally go for formula if I couldn't feed a baby myself, but I guess if someone happened to be around all the time and had milk supply...:shrug:

I did love feeding though :lurve:

[Peridot]

No one has any problem with others bottlefeeding thier child. The two are quite clearly very different.

I did :nod:
I didn't want anyone but me doing if for quite a while!
I think the difference is though, I couldn't breastfeed so I wouldn't want some one else to where as I could bottlefeed, so eventually I did let other people but I used to like knowing that I could get him to take his milk best :wink:

[Ajedrez]

Anyway, she can bond with other people and still be my girl :smile:

Agreed - as long as those other people don't breastfeed my kid they can bond with the baby til the cows come home.

[Adifferentnutty mumof3]

I never got much of a "bond" from breastfeeding :shrug: At the beginning it hurt too much, and then for the next few months it was just "boob out, feed, boob back in" :laff:

And I doubt DD remembers it now! So I wouldn't be worried about a "bond". Anyway, she can bond with other people and still be my girl :smile:

I tend to agree- at least that's my experience.

I was talking about the reactions on this thread which talked of the bond with breastfeeding meaning they wouldn't be happy allowing another woman to bfeed their baby.