I did something really shameful this evening.

[iGnome]

I've never done it in my life before either so am now pondering why I did it.

Basically, after dinner I was still hungry. Had water, cups of tea ect but still hungry. So, had some yoghurt and fruit. Didn't do it. had instant soup. Still didn't do it for me. So started on the crumpets (which are 1 point each) and had 8 :no: with jam, cheese spread, butter...not all together mind you.

Anyway, then I got this HUGE feeling of guilt and just had to get rid of it and tried to make myself sick. Thats what is so shameful. I know all the dangers of this, I'm a nurse, I've told people before who posted about this (on handbag) how bad it is and yet I did it.

Not that it worked much. I can't vomit if my life depended on it.

I now feel guilty because of what I have done and can't sleep. I'm not tired and me belly is now bloated, feels yuk so I am cleaning like a mad woman to burn some of the energy in the hope I'll sleep. It's 1230am here now.

So, I'm just ironing, folding washing, doing dishes, and going to scrub the bathroom floor as the grout is looking dirty.

I don't know why I did it for. I feel really really ashamed.:cry:

[chicken.babe]

Oh hun,we all have off days dont beat yourself up about it:flowers: and here's a :hug: ,and you know making youself sick isn't the answer

[Fantasseee]

Sweetheart don't feel ashamed :higgies: I have done the same in the past. i can remember going out and buying cream cakes, a pack of 6 doughnuts, a pack of Cadburys Animals, coming home, scoffing the lot and then trying to make myself sick. Without much success i might add. I then felt disgusted with myself.

The food is a symptom of something else. i don't know what the something else is in yr case, but i do know that you are trying to self medicate and until you work out what the real unhappiness in yr life is based around, you will most probably keep having this unhealthy attitude towards food.

[Amethyst]

:higgies: :higgies: don`t beat yourself up too much. If you have a evening of eating too much just try to be good the next day.

Amethyst x

[sapphire]

I think the others have already given some sound advice so just a hug from me :higgies:

[Devil Girl]

Awe try not to feel bad :higgies: you are just having an off day :higgies:

[ms sweetcheeks]

It is not shameful Ignome, I remmeber doing this myself years and years ago.
I couldn't bring anything up though, so took 60 laxatives instead!

A year or so later I was more determined and managed to bring food up and that was the start of years of being trapped in eating disorder hell..

I hope you can manage to see that doing that wont solve anything, and I can only advice against doing it, but I know you are clever enough to know that yourself.

Not only did I NOT really loose weight quicker, I also managed to loose 2 teeth completely and break 6 teeth....

[Damsella]

What you did tonight is not shameful, but as Fants says it is the symptom of something else.

In the scheme of things, eating a load of crumpets won't affect your weight loss much. Just pretend it didn't happen, and move on.

Oh, and then could you come and clean my place too please? :teehee:

[iGnome]

I think I did it because last week I gained which I expected and wasn't worried about. I'd had an off week...stressed about a medical problem. Still got tests this friday.

Anyway, was pretty good all week and then tonight just lost it. I've done that in the past, the one bad day and not worried...made up for it like I always tell you guys to do...but tomorrow is weighin and I am really hoping for a loss, a good one at that and I already felt that I didn't know if I would or wouldn't lose because for some reason this week, I just can't feel it. You know what I mean? Even though you have a good week, you just don't feel like anythings changed.

So, I think I did it because of weigh in tomorrow. Stupid really because even that week I knew I would gain, I still went to weigh in, held my head up high but I think the thought of 2 weeks gain in a row is getting to me...even though I don't know if I will be a loser or gainer this week...I've been much less active than I normally am.

I've not lost my motivation but am struggling at the moment but I still keep going and I still will. I think the struggling when I haven't lost my motivation is hard. It's like you are fighting yourself all the time.

I've done so well this year and it's only half way through. I just hope I start to feel a little less stressed on Friday when I have these stupid tests. I have visions of having take even more medication and self catheterising, my bladder for some reason has decided it no longer wants to work like it should and they found a cyst in my kidney about 5 days ago. I'm in pain alot and am just sick of it...not to mention the urge incontinence that's happening as well. Urine test was clear. I was so hoping that was the problem, I found out today it was clear. It near on broke my heart because it would have been the simple answer to the problem..

Well, the ironing basket is now empty, the dishes are done. The floor hasn't been washed yet, but I am starting to feel sleepy so will stop and go to bed shortly...the floor can wait.

[Damsella]

Blimey, with your bladder problems I'm not surprised you did a bit of comfort eating!! :higgies:

Best of luck with the weigh in tomorrow, and with your tests on Friday.

[iGnome]

Thanks girls. Feel a bit better this morning. Sore throat...gah...won't be pulling that stunt again thats for sure. Can't smoke with a sore throat :yeahright:

I'm trying hard not to comfort eat and had been good pretty good all week.

Christ, why is Friday so bloody far away! :angry: You know that nurses make the worst patients. :no:

PM me a return ticket to London Damz and I'll come aand clean your house. thats a ticket from Australia mind. :lol:

[Lilybett]

IGnome :hug:

I'm a comfort eater too so I know exactly how you feel and the guilt that follows afterwards. Just forgive yourself and move on :thumb:

[book_lover]

sweetie :hugs: hope you're feeling a bit better now. couldn't read and not post (even though I'm not that regular on this forum, I'm on pretty much a permanent diet). I did this once when much younger, about 16.... I never did it again though cos we'd been out for this really lovely meal, and that just spoiled it for me :no: You see I like the experience of enjoying good food far too much :nod:

I also think that when you're trying so damn hard to restrain yourself in your eating habits, you're bound to have the odd time when you "lose it" as you put it, and will power goes, but not only that, you go to the other extreme.

Don't be tempted to do it again mind, or you'll have Aunty Bookie to answer to :wink:

xxx

[parkejm]

((((ignome)))) Please look after yourself ignome, you've done well up until now, if there's anythingwe can do please shout

janice

[iGnome]

Oh don't worry girls. Honestly, I would NEVER do it again. It was stupid to do and I know that.

Thanks for your support.